Hello there,

you might remember my last posts from mid to end December when I started dating Mr Conversation and wasn´t sure about being physically attracted to him. As was to be expected, his meeting my EN led to me falling in love with him - and vice versa <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> - and we just hit the 2 months mark of a happy relationship. So far, I´m still surprised that I actually found a man who combines all the traits I ever hoped for in one person: Kind, funny, smart, affectionate, still the best in conversation, sexy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />, you name it.

I know, though, that other women realise, too, what a great catch he is. A married female friend of BF is just going through a major crisis because of work, her M, you know, one of these times when one questions everything. I felt pretty early when BF talked about her problems that part of those were her attraction to BF: I understand he´s very attractive, esp. to women whose EN are not met by their SO. I have to stress, though, that BF is good at keeping boundaries and loyal to me. No weird undertones from him.
I was bothered, though, by the woman´s attitude since it showed her attraction to him. Maybe she never admitted the attraction to herself but knowing what I learned from these boards and the Harley concepts I could sense vibes other than just friendship. And I learned as well that when I sense something ain´t right, then something ain´t right.
BF realised that part of the problem is her attraction to him and is keeping a distance now. He told her that he´s not the right person to try and help her with her problems.

I´m happy that my BF understands that an affair starts way earlier than inappropriate touching...
And I´m happy how he handled that situation.

Now I think *I* have another situation, and I don´t like how I feel about it or how I handle it.

BF has a good lady friend who works with him. Mind you, they´ve known each other for years and they had all the time in the world to figure out that they´re good friends but that´s it.
I never met her so far. We had set up a meeting last weekend but BF and I got sick and couldn´t go.
What bothers me about her are tiny things: She once asked BF if the driving to my house doesn´t annoy him (we mostly meet at my place b/c of the kids), and after the sick incident, she sent him a text if *he* felt better, not *we*. And last night, BF talked to her on the phone from my house quite a bit about work stuff. This was really getting on my nerves since we have like a silent agreement to take care of our other social contacts during the time we´re not together. Last night, I was tired and cranky and I would have liked BF to only focus on me instead of talking to his friend. And I´m not happy with feeling that way because it seems so immature and selfish to me. After all, it was maybe 20 minutes he didn´t spend with me b/c of that call. And what I described in that last paragraph is really all that ever happened that feels a bit weird to me.

I don´t even have the feeling that she´s more into him than friendship - unlike the other lady - and I don´t really want to talk to BF about my feelings before I met her.

I guess I need your input to get things into perspective. I think first of all it´s important I meet BF´s friend to see their interaction. Maybe I´m fine with everything then. I need to be very clear: I´m not bothered by what he does or says, I´m bothered by how I perceive her communication. It´s very well possible I´m hypersensitive.

Any thoughts?

Nora

Hi Go. Are you being to sensitive, I think the answer is yes.

But, that may be normal for you now. I don't know your story, but if you were a betrayed spouse, I think it is very normal to be unsure of one's standing in life. Part of the healing process is being able to get past those feelings of suspicion, uncertainty and such.

All this happens for a reason, to prepare you for the future. Hang in there.

Well, I think I'm that friend. It's amazing how little time people get to talk at work, and sometimes there are things that you want to discuss outside the office.
I'm friends with my coworker and his wife, and sometimes when the 3 of us are together, I may monopolize his time. She knows it's work talk and I know she knows it is nothing else, but from the outside people would think something.
If you are truly not threatened by this woman, it's likely not an issue.
Then conversely, I'll try to call to talk to her and end up talking to him about work stuff (when I'd rather just have the social talk). (BTW - these friends went to MB seminar, so they understand the EA & other concepts).
Trust your instincts here.

Justin, though my exH didn´t have a "classic" affair, he was/is addicted to internet porn - besides other issues - so I do know about being lied to, having things hidden from me, and being ridiculed for asking "uncomfortable" questions.
My BF doesn´t show any of this behavior. His work friend is just that - a collegue who became a good friend - and I have no way of saying if she even wants to be anything other. MY BF certainly - and very obviously - is very happy being with me.

I agree I´m overly sensitive, may it be who I am or because of what my story is. No matter why it is: How do I deal with me being overly sensitive? I really don´t think being paranoid is very attractive...

Go, I am glad your bf doesn't show those miserable qualities that are present in your ex.

But, I think this is not about your bf, but is about you. You have been through a tough time with your ex, you have learned certain behaviors, you have been bitten - probably very often - by these poor behaviors.

So, your bf could be the gold standard for men, but you have to work through your feelings, your history and your reactions. By the way, I have the same indentical problem. Aren't we lucky?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Justin, I agree it´s about me. Which makes it easier on the one hand - since I can control my own behavior - and harder on the other - since I don´t like the way I feel when all BF has ever shown me is completely trustworthy behavior. It´s not fair to him I feel that way and very possibly it´s not fair to his friend, either.

My BF IS the Gold Standard for men <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />. And you´re right: I still can´t believe how incredibly lucky I am. So far, he´s bringing out the best in me, too (and I never really understood what that means until now) and I want it to stay that way. That´s why I view my doubts about his work friend as a challenge to deal better with it.