Should I worry...

My wife said a quick "I love you too" to a guy over the phone while I was in the room. He used to work with her. It made a lot of bad feelings come back. (the A was with a guy that she worked with, same company, different city - this guy worked in the same office as her for a year and a half) She said he is just a caring guy and its like brother/sister like and she was just saying it back to him. Am I over reacting? Do women throw around the phrase "I love you" like that?

I am not an extremely mushy person, so I may not be an accurate judge. I do not say I love you to my male friends. I say I love you to my family or a few close girlfriends on special days. One of my best friends is male, like a brother to me, and I wouldn't say I love you to him except in extraordinary circumstances.

Gearhead,

We are not you and your wife. What boundaries do you have in place for inappropriate opposite sex relationships?

See, what matters now isn't how she views it, but how it affects you. She had the A. Usually, in recovery, there are new boundaries agreed upon to protect the marriage.

I would think conversations personal enough to involve an ILY would be off limits. What did you both decide?

LA

I agree with LA...

She needs to take some kind of positive action to DEMONSTRATE to you that there is nothing going on here...and she needs to be aware of the fact that you are FAR more sensitive (ergo, less willing to accept) any kind of questionable responses to opposite sex friends since her affair.

What you just described is EXACTLY the kind of thing that allowed me to 'catch' my wife in her EA. There is a difference in signing an email with "Love, WW", and "I love you, WW".

And the question about boundaries with opposite sex friends is dead on the money. My wife and I sat down and discussed EXACTLY that with our MC at length after her affair. And if she were to say "I love you too" to ANY man other than a family member, she knows that I would NOT approve, and would not be in any way accepting of that.

I suggest you have a sit down discussion with her, tell her EXACTLY what this made you feel and why, and ask her to help you see how what she said WAS innocent. (if she can't or won't, BIG alarms) And I suggest that you talk about those boundaries directly.