I guess this is more of a vent. I just keep having the same arguments in my head. I try to analyze everything to death rather than just accepting that there are some things I can't fix. It would be laughable if it didn't hurt so much.
Yesterday, I found WH's job is listed on the school's website for job openings. However, he denied that his contract wasn't extended.
Mind: Ha, Ha!
Heart: Poor WH, he must be crushed.
Mind: You're worried over someone who's lying to you?
Heart: Why such an obvious lie? Does he think I'm that stupid?
Mind: You are that stupid! You've fallen for worse lies.
Heart: <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
Mind: I'm sending him an email to get some answers.
Heart: Be nice.
Today, WH actually replied (I was direct but nice), admitted he would not be at the school next year, and gave me answers to my questions (mostly related to bills and mementos of his that he left).
Heart: For the first time in months, WH gave me honest and complete answers. Is there hope?
Mind: FIRST TIME IN MONTHS!!!
Heart: I know, but why is he suddenly being nice?
Mind: He wants D over with and is scared you will delay.
Heart: He really doesn't care about me anymore.
Mind: What makes you think he ever did...Oh, quit crying!
Heart: Why wasn't I good enough?
Mind: I am. I deserve better.
Heart: Will I ever be happy again?
Mind: Yes, but it may be a long time and you'll have to learn from your mistakes.
Heart: I need a hug.
Mind: Boo Hoo! I need SF. Somebody shut up this heart and give me some caffeine. I have tax returns to prepare.
