I am suspicious and investigating. Those who have seen previous posts by me know that my suspicions are mixed with my own feelings of guilt in respect of the marriage (no EAs or PAs but getting close, as well as guilt over my own failure to fulfill wife's EN's over many years). So I do not know what, if anything, I will find because I do not how much of my gut has to do with my own feelings of guilt, which are very real, and how much has to do with my wife's changes in behaviour and need for secrecy, which is also very real.

I want to prepare for the worst, though, so that I do not go ballistic and make things worse than they are by acting in an unconstructive way if my worst fears turn out to be true.

I have therefore searched for advice on "how to's" in terms of how to bring any evidence you find to a WS's attention. E.g., do you let yourself cool off, first? Do you wait until you know that there is time to talk about things without interruption? Do you try to find a time other then bedtime after a long exhausting day?

I have searched for threads and links for good advice without success - I think the problem is that the key words I am using just catch too match.

Any suggestions re: helpful links and threads (besides the first one in "Just Found Out"?

Petro, Here is a thread by Worthatry (WAT) on exposure that seems just what you could use.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rt=all&vc=1

And here's a second thread from WAT on the same subject:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rt=all&vc=1


You should most of your answers there, but in general terms of course you do NOT go ballastic and you DO wait for calmness. YOU set up the scene. You make sure there won't be interruptions from the kids, phone calls, etc. Man, if you try it just before bedtime, you're asking for an even longer, more exhausting day. That having been said...there is NO time when everything is going to be perfect so don't wait for that perfect time/date when it all comes together. Keep posting so the good folks out here can help, okay?

Petro-

Do you have any evidence?? If so, what is said evidence??

You need to post what you've got here......because whatever it is has to be completely BULLETPROOF, if there is any wiggle room at ALL the WS will squirm right out of it.

God Bless,

-Caren

Anybody have any examples from their experience (or others they know) of what they did that show either what I should try to avoid and/or what I should try to do in terms of the when, where, and how?