To all the wonderful people here at MB,<P>I need a break.<P>I am slowly approaching a year that this infidelity cancer has infected my life. I am grateful to so many of you for helping through some very dark times. As I step back, I see tremendous progress in my marriage. I also see further struggle to eradicate this disease from my marriage. <P>My wife and I had an interesting conversation yesterday. We talked about several people we know who are struggling with divorce and infidelity. One couple who has been married for only 2 years is divorcing over some very minor issues in my opinion. Another lady had an affair and is planning on leaving her husband soon with no attempt to work things out. To make matters worse, she is now giving him sex everyday to make him happy before she takes off. Another man had a one-night stand with some lady he picked up at a bar. His wife found out and she is in pieces. I am really starting to believe that infidelity is truly a cancer spreading hideously throughout this world. It leaves such a horrible wake in its path. Crushing the lives of spouses, children, and others. Sorry, I suppose I'm getting a little philosophical right now.<P>Anyway, in my own marriage, I am happy to say that the good days now out weigh the bad ones. I still struggle with trust. I still long for unrequited love. I do have much to be thankful for. My wife is trying. She is trying very hard. She knows my wants and needs. She gives what she can at this time. She is thankful for me not pushing. She is thankful for the little things that I do that make her feel special. She is overwhelmed by the changes in me. She also is struggling with letting go of her feelings for this OM. It is so difficult for me to even acknowledge that. The very thought that my wife has feeling for another man is …well…it just hurts. She wants to have the same feelings for me that I have for her. <P>So, I am going to take a few weeks off from this MB forum. I must say this forum has gotten very interesting in the past month or so. Unfortunately there are so many new people with very intense hurt. Their words bring back those same feelings that I experienced several months ago. I feel I can best serve others here by first getting through some struggles in my own marriage. I am going to focus all my attention towards the love of my life. I have to help her through this difficult time of letting go. <P>Best wishes my good friends, I will return in a few weeks. <P>God bless you all.<P>SHA<P>------------------<BR>There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved. <P>

SHA<BR>Take care of yourself!!!<BR>You know how many good things have happened already. There are many more to come for you and your wife!!!!<BR>I know exactly what you mean shen you talk about the infidelity going on around you.<BR>I have seen so much in the last few years it makes me wonder!<BR>be proud of yourself, your morals, your values and your perseverance!!!<BR>Don't forget to update us!

SHA - <P>I understand your need to move on. I congratulate you on having not only survived your ordeal but thriving. Almost akin to "graduating with Honors".<P>I, for one, will definitely miss your eloquent and thoughtful replies to the many who are still in their dark period, myself included. I wish there was a way that we could extract the wisdom from your brain so that you didn't have to spend any more time away from your W.<P>But she MUST come first!!<P>We'll miss you. Please visit us when you get a free moment.

Hi SHA -<P>I want to start off by saying how HAPPY I am for you and your wife. People go through so much at times.....but in a way it can be looked upon as growing pains. You have made so many self discoveries for yourself about the man that you really are inside!!! I don't even really know you or how you used to be as compared to how you are now, but for some reason, I am so proud of you!!<P>Strange, huh?<P>You are right, you need to take this time to concentrate on the pleasant parts of life!! You have worked long and hard, Experienced emotions and anguish - the likes of which you had probably never seen or imagined, and now you need to enjoy that continued growth with your Lady Love!!<P>You are a wonderful person, as your Wife is I'm sure!!! God has blessed you both and also blessed us with you!!<P>I will miss you and will surely be here when you check back in.<P>Thank you for you!!!!!<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba<P>PS....Did you ever read my reply to you on the Sheba Thread by TNT? I'm still waiting for the answer to my last question to you!!!! LOL!!<BR>

Hi, SHA,<P>All the very best to you & your W. You've come a very long way, friend! And you deserve all the positive things that are starting to happen. I'm really pleased for you. And for your W! You know, I have come to believe that effort is 99% of what makes a marriage work. If you have 2 people finally rowing in the same direction, the rest seems to fall into place.<P>We'll miss you around here - please be sure to pop back in & let us know how you're doing! All the best - Suse

As a teacher in class says to the squirming student, frantically raising his hand - <P>"your excused."<P>And so, this is what I say to you! Take your break. We all need them. Don't take a break from the principles and methods you've learned, just from the infidelity and all that comes with it.<P>God Bless You!<BR>Connie

Best wishes as you continue to mend your marriage <P>------------------<BR>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<BR>

SHA, my friend.<P>Take care of yourself & your Mrs. Glad to hear your both getting along okay. It will work out, but you've still got a while to go.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

WS - Thank you. You are ALWAYS there for an encouraging word aren't you? You are a good lady.<P>Shattered - Thank you for the kind words. Graduating? Not quite there yet. Sometimes I feel as though I'm still in the first semester. You are in good hands with many wonderful people here. Many who helped me. I just need a rest from all this. I wish I could head out to a sunny beach, lean back in a lounge chair with the waves lapping against my feet, while sipping one of those fancy drinks with an umbrella in them. This stuff has just consumed me for so long that I need some new thoughts.<P>Sheba - It is so nice to here someone say they are proud of me. It has been so long since I heard that. I wasn't a bad guy before this. I think I was your typical husband (maybe that is bad ). One thing for sure, I didn't give my marriage my best. I do now. It is still rather one sided. There is so much to work through, it just takes so dang long - ARRRRGH! Time and hope; hope and time. To answer your last question, your knight is having trouble getting on his horse due to the abundance of love he is trying to carry to you. Hang on, he's coming!<P>suse - Do you have any idea how much you have helped me? Do you remember me crying profusely on your shoulder? Well, I do. You gave me so much insight to my wife's thoughts and behaviors that I am forever grateful. You and your hubby are good people. You are so far through recovery and you both still offer for wisdom and guidence to those of us here still flailing away. Thank you.<P>TNT - I think you have one of the best user names that has a pretty nifty acromyn too. Your words are always right on the money. I promised not to take a break from the MB principles. They are ingrained in me now (my wife should thank me some day). <P>NewB - Thank you. I read your profile and was suprised to find that you have a common problem with my wife. She has to see this OM several times a week too. I suppose that is what is dragging out our recovery. I think when I return I will ask you more about that - why wife is very quiet about that subject.<P>Chris - When I read your words about still having a long way to go I thought to myself - ugh, how much longer will it take? God only knows. I do have a long way to go still. I suppose 20 years from now it will seem like such a small effort in the span of time. You take care of yourself and you girls too. You're a good man Chris. And there are so few good men.<P>Take care everyone, I will return in a few weeks - if not wiser at least older .<P>SHA

SHA,<BR>I've more or less stepped away from here myself, but would love to exchange email addresses. Let me know if you are up to that and I'll post mine here for a very limited time. <BR>FC

SHA, every now and then we do need a break.<BR>I feel like we're kind of all growing up in this board ( happy endings or not ), helping and accepting help, as our own relationships twist and turn and many times get really better.<BR>I'm happy that you feel positive and confident and that things have changed much ( for the better ).<BR>Thanks for all the help and support you gave to many of us.<BR>I'm sure that after this storm both of you have got the skills that will help you to avoid all the rocky water that is part of our lives, so I can see your future postivie and bright.<BR>ALl the best to you and your family, my friend.<BR>Take care and drop by every once in a while <BR> stay happy<P>Kat<P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.

FC, Please feel free to write me @ <BR>"sha@holygrail.co.uk"<BR>I could use your perspective on things on some difficult turn of events I am experiencing. Thanks.<P>Kat - What a wonderful post. Thank you. Unfortunately, things have turned sour the past couple of days (again). Oh well.

Hi SHA -<P>I hope it's just a bump......<P>If I can help in anyway don't hesitate to email.<P>Sending prayers up for you both!!<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba

SHA- We'll be thinking of you. Hope the bumps even out with time!<BR>-Annie

SHA - So long, take care, and keep working on your marriage. Sounds like you're doing well and I just tremendously admire your persistence in winning your wife back to you despite how painful I know this process must be. We'll miss your wise observations, advice and updates. I still like your online handle best of all, I think, and think about it and you a lot. Regards and blessings,<P>--Wex

Hi there SHA<BR>This is not a " good bye" right? Just a "see you around later" kind of thing. Do what ever you must to make it work, I will miss you though you have a wonderful way with words and feelings.<BR>Jenny<BR>P.s. best of luck and check your mail.<P>------------------<BR>Where have all the cowboys gone ?<BR>Paula Cole<P><BR>

Sir, hopefully by now things have gone better again?<BR>There are always small bumps on the way, even when things are getting better ( rememeber after in recovery for 4 months, and with things going quite well with us, hubby woke up one day deciding that after all he was still feeling the same about our marriage than he was when the whole thing started - o.k. he apologized, admited that pressure at work was getting to him and he just lashed out at me as a consequence (?), and it never got worse than that -. But it's all part of recovery and alsopart of something else. For a while after an affair both betrayer and betrayed have a tendency to connect every single not so good thing that happens to the affair even when it has nothing to do with it. So many times things that could be dealt with and solved in another way, tend to be seen as in connection with what happened (I'm not sure I'm making sense but I hope you understand what I mean ).<BR>Hugs<BR>Kat<P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.