The selfish answer is, I want to be happy. And that is what I'm struggling with. I fully understand that being happy will cause significant pain to those I love.
Twisted, this is what we all want. The difficulty here is whether or not you can actually be happy while living with the knowledge that you have hurt the ones you owe the most to.
I want to clarify for you that I am posting here as a FBS, but I have also worn the WS hat many, many years ago in my first M. In that marriage, I felt exactly as you did prior to entering into your A. I didn't feel anything for my XH. Eventually, I looked for those things with someone else and ended my marriage.
Fast forward to my current situation. Soon after I remarried, I found that I was also experiencing a similar lack of feelings for my current H. This time, I decided to do the honorable thing and remain faithful. My M needed work but I simply didn't know exactly what to do, so I did nothing.
Mind you, I tried hard to be a good wife and mother as well as being the primary income earner.
This wasn't enough for my FWH and eventually, he looked elsewhere for the love, affection, and admiration he wasn't getting from me.
Certainly, because I wasn't experiencing any great passion for my FWH, I could have simply left the marriage when I learned of his infidelity.
What I learned then, was that I did love him afterall and because he did love me and did want to remain together, that I was able to find those feelings that I had once felt for him. It wasn't even that hard.
You already know that the choice here is yours. What I am saying here is that what you are experiencing with OW is not unique as you describe it and will not last.
The question yiou should be asking yourself is, will I move on with someone new each time my current relationship loses it's initial excitement.
You can find the love for your wife, but you do have to look for it. If you don't want to try, then at least show her some respect by being honest with her.
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