Hey......I'm interested in what's going on in your Plan B, if you have the time.

Thanks.

God Bless,

-Caren

Gotta jump in the shower and go to work, I'll check back when I get home (around 5:30 pm).

God Bless,

-Caren

Hi Caren,

That's just it....nothing is happening.....

Quick summary:

WS is having an A with co-worker at school....it may have started as an EA but by his own admission it became PA in Sept. 2004 (after not seeing OW for the summer)...D-day was during the Christmas holiday of 2004 when I found OW's 'love letters'.....WS didn't deny it (hard to do given 'hard' evidence)

....although WS initially said he would end it....with continued contact at work and realizing how hard it was staying away from the 'drug'..... around Feb. 2005 decided that he 'loved me but was not in love with me'.....and OW was his 'soulmate'... anyway....it was a really hard time for me...him being home while carrying on A..... I would like to think that I did PLAN A as best as I could.....avoiding LBusters, etc... but 'paralysis' of the shock of the A often made any 'action' on my part impossible....still haven't been able to 'read' my posts during that time.....I was in so much pain.....

in June WS decided to move out..... got an apt. one block away.... and the boys alternate one week each (he does not share apt. with OW)..... I believe he spends week boys are with me at OW's apt... OW has left a 27-yr M for him...WOW!

...sometime at the end of June or beginning of July.... after a long conversation with WS, realizing his need to 'justify' his A...normalize it..... wanting my approval... while being totally insensitive towards me... I decided that for my own 'sanity' I needed to go to PLAN B....

.... so... since middle of summer, with a few 'off the horse' moments..... we communicate by phone 'messages' (1-2 a wk) anything relating to boys and finances.....as have no financial agreement in place.... bills are being paid by both of us...as usual...

...the 'messages' part is important... because this avoids any discussions... WS needs to think and be clear on what he needs to ask me... and I can think about my replies.... and vice-versa

...WS on a regular basis tries to 'convince me' that because of the boys....he finds our 'means' of communication very inconvenient and unflexible.... and would I consider getting 'together' to discuss issues...

...to his 'invitations' he has received, what I refer to, my 'broken record' responses....

- yes, I agree it would be better if we could talk to each other....let me know when your A with OW has ended as I do not want to be part of any triangle

- yes, I agree....... let me know when your family is once again a priority in your life, as it still remains so in mine....

- yes..... can count on my cooperation in any effort to 'reunite' the family and reconciling...

....basically...WS seems to like the 'compartmental' life....being single.... seeing OW for certain needs..... and, by remaining on friendly terms with me, he would not first of all feel 'guilty' about his selfish 'solutions' to life's problems, and also be able to count on me on anything to deal with the boys and any other things he might find me usual for because as one of my bosses once said, I am a 'very reliable and responsible person'

..... I didn't 'buy into' his plan.... I think this was a 'major' reality check for him.... am usually very 'cooperative'...

....WS hopes that with time I will 'come around'.... I personally don't want anything to do with WS's selfish ways... should S come back....maybe! ....but I do miss my S...so much!!!!

I also have a 'LUNAMARE's PLAN B' thread that I keep up to date..... but..... as I said.... there's way tooo much to report in the 'fast lane' of PLAN B (meaning..... nothing!)

....anyway, Caren, following your thread.... I think the calendar idea is a good one... you will surprise yourself.... one day at a time...add up to a week, than a month.... and lo and behold..... I am over 7 months in PLAN B myself!

...I am not 'holding my breath' for WS to come knocking at my door anytime soon.....because...the fantasy of the A needs to 'wear off', reality needs to set in, than WS needs to swallow some pride..... and again find 'family life' worth the price to give up the 'single life' again....

....in the meantime...I like being away from the chaos and drama....as Dr. Phil suggests... I am trying to develop a R with myself...never had the time before.... I am finding myself to be not such a bad company...

Anyway....it may make some that know me laugh.... it's getting to be my 'signature' line..... but.... I do find this post getting too long....Caren may be sorry she asked!

...Hang in there, Caren.

Luna-

No, I'm not sorry. Thank you, I was genuinely interested.

I'm actually interested in everyone's Plan B's...I think it helps to compare notes, and it helps me to get other people's perspectives on things.

I'm on day 6 of Plan B....LOL, it feels like a month...I swear it does.

I miss my H big time. He's a good man.....and he's in there somewhere.

God Bless,

-Caren