Although we've been attempting to devote 15 hours of undivided attention, our time together hasn't been all that great. Dr. Harley says it's supposed to be BEST 15 hours of our week but it has been far from that. We simply don't know how to enjoy each other's company nor have fun together, in part because we don't enjoy the same things. The few recreational activities we both enjoy are passive i.e. reading.

I would LOVE to have fun with H and I long for quality communication but he's content to sit and watch TV; not that he does it because he knows that doesn't count towards our 15 hrs, so we just sit around trying to come up with something to do until it's time for bed. It is very frustrating!

We've completed the Recreational Companionship questionaire and after adding the postive scores have very little to choose from.

We completed the Communicattion Chapter in the HNHN home study course last night and his attitude belittled the subject, even though I had him read MY copy of the book in which I highlighted the areas most important to me.

I'm really at a loss as to how to proceed. While H is making an effort to display affection, the majority of our 15 hours is a real disappointment.

Does anyone have any suggestions for our dilemma? I'd greatly appreciate input/advice/suggestions. Will the MB Seminar address this specific topic? Many thanks!

Post deleted by Cherished

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> At least you were doing something together other than just sitting! That's my point exactly. I ENJOY doing things with H but he is so limiting. He enjoys so few things and is mostly unwilling to try new things. I think part of the problem is that he has a blast @ work. The guys joke while they work, except, of course, during actual calls (fire, medical, etc.) I think that because he has such fun @ work his need or desire for fun is mostly fulfilled @ work.

Examples of how they play includes practical jokes, making fun of each other & just doing silly things. They laugh a LOT @ work. I rarely have reason to laugh.

H would be thrilled if I'd agree to go to more movies because he LOVES movies while I find most of them boring. I'd rather do something, almost anything where we have interaction, preferrably something fun and/or enjoyable.

I recently taught him how to create & send email and because there was interaction I so enjoyed it, but those times are few and far between.

We picked out toilets, too, three of them back in December and it was enjoyable!

I suppose I wish he'd be more willing to DO more things with me; to have more fun with me. I don't begrudge him his fun @ work, I just want US to be able to have fun together as well.

Part of our problem in this and other areas is his work schedule. When he works a double shift (48 hrs) it takes me a while to get comfortable & feel somewhat close to him. I've asked him to NOT take OT when it falls on a weekend (because I'm off work) but he insists we need the money, and we do, but to me the sacrifice is not worth it.

Besides movies, how do you spend some of your 15 hours?

Post deleted by Cherished

He doesn't get official break time. They break for meals & relax @ the end of the day if there's nothing else going on. We do speak during most shifts but the calls are usually brief unless we have things to discuss.

Just today I asked if we could experiment in trying to find ways to reduce the amount of time it takes to feel close again when he returns from work. I learned that part of his recent "distant" mentatlity is a result of anxiety over flying to FL for the MBS. He's also concerned about my upcoming surgery. I explained that him being distant is not conducive to healing so maybe we should attempt to give him other things to think about. I shared examples of how I deal with anxiety so that it doesn't consume me. It may sound mean, but I also reminded him that I'M the one having surgery and if I can deal with the associated fear/nervousness/anxiety by putting it into perspective surely he could try to do so. He seemed to understand and then proceeded to have a better, closer day. It wasn't exactly fun but we completed the majority of our income tax return.


Since you previously had little or no time together I can certainly understand your attitude. Perhaps I'm expecting too much but I clearly want our 15 hours to be quality time that's enjoyable for both of us. There are times I'm optomistic that we'll get there someday, then there are times I'm not so optomistic.

As for attending the MBS we may not be going after all. Right now our tax return is looking pretty bleak and we were counting on our usual substantial return to reduce credit card debt so as to replace it with MBS expenses. I'm so torn ~ I WANT to go because I want access to Dr. Harley and attending is the only way to get it, but at the same time the last thing we need is more credit card debt especially since I have three more years of college debt to acrue & pay.


What a GREAT idea! Dr. Harley uses a similar suggestion in HNHN chapter on Communication. I shall make it a point to do this.

And he is SO right! I have one divorce under my belt for that very reason!

On an altogether different subject, are you familiar with Creative Memories? Do you scrapbook?