Hi again, you guys know I only post anymore when things are really messy....last story between Xmas and New Years was W or Fww was out of the house again for the ??? time and wanted a divorce....I did want it but after 2 yrs of this she wrong me a agreement for no contest D and I hired and paid Lawyer and court cost etc..
She was asked again the day prior to my 2nd appt. if this was what she wanted and she said "yes" we must move forward.
About 2 days of NC after this meeting...she phoned wanting to know how things were moving....and wanted to be friendly like.So actually there was a bit of contact back and forth.
I spent a few weeks on my own again....moving on? I guess?
But not wanting a D in my heart but my head telling me it was time.
Now for the bad news...during this couple week period...I spent too many evening at a little local pub, about a mile from work...talking too much about my business marriage etc.
This lady has been a friend for awhile but not close...but she has owned 2 different bars in our small town...and even knows the OM my FWW had been with...and now has had no known to me contact for better than a year til...her Christmas party that resulted in our last failed recovery.
So....I got to be close friends with this "lady"...her boyfriend and quite a few folks at this place and they all was like family to me....even getting me a surprise birthday cake 2/4. I then spent the Superbowl there....but W
had phoned on my birthday also...and torn my heart strings out wishing me a happy birthday and then came home...2 days later and asked me to stop the D.
I did....she moved back, things had been fine for 2 weeks...we went to MC last Tuesday evening,,,,where she seemed to express more about her feelings on her career that our marriage but at this meeting I promised to not go to the "pub"....had not been there other than 30 minutes in the past 2 weeks but after working over Wed. eve I did and Love Busted big time....
She then called me there...accusing me of F***king either the owner or someone....and it hurt me hearing this stuff after I've always been faithful and now looking at the calendar haven't made love to my W for 134 days....
Today she has been odd to talk to a work when I phoned and now she is over there drinking and told me she spending the evening with my "friends". She says I had a EA and just as well slept with her.
Am I that bad ? Thanks...she also said she isn't coming home tonight. Sorry this is long.

Wow Welder........a lot has transpired.

Ummmmm so, were you having an EA with this woman??? I'm sorry I couldn't tell....you sound sorta panicked and the post really all ran together.

You two sure have your share of things to work out.

Where is your FWW tonight?

Did she tell you she wasn't coming home??

Sheesh.

God Bless,

-Caren

You have a lot of responsibility in the R process. So you promised WW that you would not go to the pub - and then went to the pub. Not exactly leading by example...

Keep posting updates and see how you can try to recover the ground you have lost.

Best of luck

No....FWW accuses me of it being a EA....and is pissed. She stopped at the pub tonight she said to kick her butt....and isn't home yet. I'm not sure where she is? She texted me and asked why I did'nt stop....but I didn't think I was invited...and didn't want to air my laundry in public. I'm not sure if this can recover....I seem to be the only one with uncond. love.

Welder-

She is JEALOUS, that's all. She thinks that you will do the same thing she did, and it's painful....therefore she is going out and trying to find something to make the pain go away.

First chance you get, you should apologize for not honoring your promise to stay out of the pub.

You are responsible for protecting your FWW(?)from other people....but also from YOU.

Maybe you should go there and try to get her to come home.

God Bless,

-Caren

I had phoned there....she left around 10PM....and now I don't know where she is...but I did some laundry, and I'mm headed to bed....I want to still be able to save the weekend if I can. Also....I've asked for forgiveness and apologized already....Thanks all.

Okay Welder...just trying to be of assistance.

Good luck hon!

God Bless,

-Caren

It's 1:45 she just called....on her way....and real drunken.
It's a blessing if she stays safe.

Hi Guys, she made it....and acted like " I'm even"....right now she's still in bed sleeping it off.
I sometimes think....her saying, love isn;t enough, we have been too much to save this. Maybe she is right? I just want a wife. Or maybe after the last two years....perhaps we had never had a good marriage and I'm just hanging on to the "dream"?

Welderboy,

I have often wondered this too. Usually when I am tired and discouraged that I feel that way.
I really dont have an answer for you. If I did I would be doing it myself. But just wanted you to know you were not alone in those feelings.

I hope your day goes better than your night did. Be sure to have the coffee on when she gets up. Sounds like she might need some. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Katie

Well....today I asked if she was sorry over staying out....she rplied" no...just even."

You asked her if she was sorry??? That's an interesting approach.

So, okay.......roll with it Welder. If she's says you're even....then take it from there, you're even.

See if you can reach some middle ground to rebuild on.

God Bless,

-Caren

You know sorry that she went out....leaving me home worried and then her driving home drunk. I had already asked her for forgiveness for my mistake of stopping there Wed. evening...and that I tried to get home but let some friends...who think I've should been thru with a divorce....egg me into staying...PS...I'm still sorry for things 3 yrs. ago...such as lacking in giving her enough attention and not seeing the warning signs of her straying.

Welder-

She was the one that filed on you, right?? And she is the one that stopped it and wanted to give it a go?? Am I right?

(I'm not being sarcastic, I just don't remember if that's what you said)

Have you two layed out a plan on how you are going to get through recovery??? I have heard this is WAY harder than either plan is.

Are you guys in MC??

Have you done the EN questionnaire and the LB questionnaire?

God Bless,

-Caren

She asked me to file...wrote me a draft of her settlement, then the night before....me meeting with the lawyer for him to file with the court the "no contest settlement" I asked if this was she truly wanted...cause I still wanted to work on it...she said "we need to move forward" please file.
She then called a few days later asking if I had bluffed her? or truly filed? She then said she wanted to save this and move home....this had been about the 7th time of moving out since 2/04....then D day 7/04. Thats when she 1st admitted of the A. Prior to that she moved out while I was away on a hunting trip with out my knownledge to as she put it..."find herself". This has been long and hard ...we are now seeing a MC and she is in IC with a different councelor of her own.
Hope that clears things up a bit.She's mellow today but still laying around....

You both just screwed up here. If she wants to call this a draw, you are lucky. Good for you. I want to say one thing. Just remember that people don't always say what they really mean. I also have gotten that speech from WW about maybe there has just been too much damage. I think that represents a serious obstacle to any WW. If they decide they want to try to R, they might be afraid that you are not capable. I don't know if that is true in your case. I believe part of Plan A is to allay that fear in WW's mind and it takes a lot of work from you. Just remember what others have said - believe half of what you see and none of what you hear. Just because WW says something, doesn't mean it is true. They have lied up till now and they still lie - to you and to themselves. Just don't get distracted by that. Keep following the path you have chosen - whatever that is.

Ahhhh the old *too much damage* schpeel....yes I know it well...LOL.

So, are you guys trying to work through some sort of MB plan??? I've heard that you should save things that you disagree about for the MC's ...... maybe you could try that.

God Bless,

-Caren

As for the path....I know I need to get it together and head back to church. Doing stuff like drinking and sitting at a bar was'nt something that I did in the beginning and I was attending church more and trying harder to be a better person than I've been doing lately. Thanks.

Welder-

Agreed. Don't beat yourself up about it though, just get back on the path <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I've actually done this myself....gone to bars, didn't go to church...but that's not where the answer is.

Good Luck and God Bless,

-Caren

Well, I made it through the weekend....Sunday went fairly well, and I'm now getting really to head to work.
I'll give you all an update tonight. Later.