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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 77
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OP
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 77 |
in Plan A.. no LBing.... carrot and stick approach the best I can....
Exposed A, but WW still in denial that I know...
She says she loves me.... I don't see it in her ALIEN ACTIONS...
I have shut down emotionally to protect my love for her and keep from exploding emotionally...
I am growing cold... VERY cold..... as the days go by... I keep wondering....maybe it will never work because I can NEVER live up to her expectations....
I told her that IF we were to remain together... we would need help.. professional help.... NOT.. she does NOT believing in councelling at all.. never has.... thats why we repeat this cycle....
I have come to the conclusion....
EVERYTIME we hit a low point in our M, she has refused to communicate fully the hurt and unhappiness, so we were NEVER able to resolve things DEEP... only bandage the surface for a time.... then she runs to someone else to fill the voids..... the vicious cycle continues.... WHAT PAIN
I have liquidated many material items in the past two weeks that were 'distractions' in our M.... I have shut down a side business.... sold my trucks and trailers.... ect....
It may be too late... I no longer feel like fighting for something that may never work because she refuses to get help with issues in our M from years past.....her resentment for things I have done runs threw her veins like white water rapids... I can see it...
She plans on filing for D.... I don't know when... but Plan B is gonna be hard under the same roof... financially we cannot maintain two households on a single income and 4 kids... once she files... the house is for sale....
My world is collapsing.... I want to run and hide.....it wont protect me, but I have nowhere to go.... all seems so hopeless in this....
She is leaving for the weekend AGAIN..... sigh....
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,719
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,719 |
I am so sorry you are going thru all of this. Where does she go on her wkends? It is good you are not LB'ing - but do you make things ncie around the home and be pleasant to be around?
sorry I am not familiar with you situation. I know it is hard but hang in there.
married 21
Together 26 -
OW 2yrs, he worked with her and found secret e-mail account.The first cut is the deepest.
just found out H is a serial cheater - total cut to pieces now- saw a D lawyer today.
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 77
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OP
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 77 |
The OM is only 65 miles away... near in laws... she goes.. drops off the kid(s) and goesing 'SHOPPING'... ya right...
She thinks Im stupid....it hurts so bad to get lied to when she looks me in the eyes.... UGH!!!!!!!
the house is calm and peaceful... no LBing at all... we do talk, but get nowhere....not heated conversations either.. very heartfelt on my part ( with lack of emotion) and sincere...if my emotions get involved, it does a turn for the worst ( in the past) so I guard myself from emotion during talks..
4 sons 15 twins, 13 and 2.. they havent a clue....yet....
She does her thing ( chatting, emailing cell phone) and I steer clear so I don't LB on her...I try to keep busy... occupying my time and mind as not to go stir-crazy.....
quick recap:
15+yrs and 4 boys... A's on both sides, but never fixed root issues ( lack of communication) I took her for granted... she was hurt and resentful ( got back at me) still resents me for things of the past... I was not a good dad/husband throughout the years... repeated cycle of control occured alot due to insecurity and codependancy on both sides... I just got worse with it ( in councelling for that now) I am in a changing state and its hard, but Im getting alot better each day.... she is tired of trying and shut down from me.... has a 'plan' to move on and be happy on her own....
I am very careful of what I say and do as I want NOTHING to seem controlling to her at this point... her decisions are HERS... I cannot even give advice at this point, though I would love to....
I think she will file D papers this week..... sh may be back peddling though... I don't know.... she is torn ( she has said so)
me- BS 37
her-FWW 35
15+years in M
4 boys- 14,14,12,2 (ours)
Knew of A Feb 06
Proof of A Jan 06 (found info)
Exposed Feb 06
R as of 3 March 06-so far so good
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970 |
Hey, Lost...
Sorry to catch up to you in this state. I know I posted to you on your other threads.
In your recap, you didn't say where you stood with exposure?
LA
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 77
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OP
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 77 |
LA... thanks....
I have exposed.. but she still denies it.... I think its over..... Im spent... the lies are too much for me to handle....
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 77
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OP
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 77 |
She didn't go last night.... I know she lied to me on why... but the fact is she is still here.... I guess thats a good thing....
supposed to be going SHOPPING with her 'girlfriend' today .... I'll be in the garage, keeping busy....
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