could you please read the last 5 pages of my thread and give me you thoughts?

my H would like us to file taxes jointly. Jennifer Harley has advised that i help him if the outcome will be neutral for me so that he can see that I care about him and that I continue to "offer a hand" to show that I want to save our marraige

however, i'm now wondering if I do this, is this going against the concepts of plan B and i would have a better chance of saving my marriage by not helping him

as Mimi says though.....bacause this situation is about money and a huge debt he would not be able to pay without my help.....not helping him may be a deal breaker

Please give me your thoughts!!

Eave did you see the other thread that Mimi started for you called...

MORTARMAN (OR OTHER MEN): PLEASE ADVISE EAV

Lady

nope lady...thanks! I haven't looked at any other thread today....Mimi does seem to know exactly what I need right now....a man's perspective on this!!

I will delete this thread if it's the same thing!!

Eav,

Remember what plan B is for. It is not a manipulation tool nor does it relieve either of you from obligations.

Plan B is for you to detach from his A.

Filing a joing return is NOT A related. It is an obligation.

I understand how this may confuse you so I want you to think about plan B as being implemented by you and for you. It is NOT for the WS. Remember we CAN'T teach the WS anything. They are stupid.

Keep the business down to business. No R talk. No M talk. Just business. That in itself will send a whallop through the fog.

take care,
L.

disclaimer: Eav, I do not know your full story.

I don't think this is a "man" thing. Not necessarily gender specific.

Regardless of the Plan B call, I strongly recommend you first determine your legal liability for his tax woes. If you're in his boat, you have no choice but to "help" him out. If this is the case, you can take advantage of the "help" and play it as if you're doing it because you care - if your conscience premits this.

Continuing this scenario (you're legally liable) and if it was me, I'd play it straight up and cover the Plan B bases as well: "Honey, I'm going to agree to file jointly because we're still married and because it's the smart and responsible thing for me to do. It just so happens to also bail you out. Do not expect me to do this in the future until you agree to the conditions I set forth in my letter dated xx/yy/zzzz (Plan B letter)."

JMHO
WAT

I am in no way responsible for his taxes because we have a property settlement agreement that says we will file jointly only if we both agree and that neither of us is responsible for the others debts

Then you either need to agree or disagree but that in itself should have nothing t/d with your plan B.

I suggest you ask your attorney whether you are insulated from his tax liability. How you file for taxes may have NO BEARING on your tax liability since you are still married.

Do you understand the difference?

We cannot tell from here your legal sitch. My caution is that you may be making assumptions that are not valid. Best to check to remove all doubt.

orchid...it's more complicated than that

if I file with him I'm meeting his needs financially which OW can't possible do

If I don't, he will go into even more debt and may need to sell the house he and OW are living in...it may help to end the affair more quickly

please read mimi's thread on this issue

worth a try...i understand what you are saying...thank you

I fear my posts may make you upset. I will post then stop.

Don't use the filing to see what the OW can or can not do.

The tax filing is a legal activity which you can choose t/d or not. Plain and simple. Don't make it more complex than what it is. Don't use this situation as an opportunity to teach anyone a lesson. You file jointly or not purely from a legal perspective and how it w/b best suited to help you and your sitch. It s/b to help you and your H not you and the WS. See the difference?

Another MB found out that filing separately would hurt her financially. Filing jointly would increase their return. So she choose to file jointly. That was her choice. Nothing t/d with the A or OP.

L.

Most employers have an EAP program where you can get a free 30min-1 hr session with a lawyer. May be a good idea to do so before deciding. If he cannot wait on you, tell him he will need to file separately because you are not prepared to make such an important decision without gathering all the information necessary.

orchid

your post doesn't upset me

regardless of what I think about filing or why I make my decision

the reality is that the results of both choices will still happen and should be considered

this is absolutey not about teaching anyone a lesson.....

Eav,

I am going to put my .02 cents in here.

I had the choice of filing either way. Now after doing the taxes both ways it was finacially better for me to file jointly.

By myself I would have only gotten 600.00 back since I didn't have much income for the year. Filing jointly we are recieving almost 6000.00 back. Now I didn't file jointly to help him at all it was for me. As much as I hate the thought he will have as much money as I will to use for his lurid affair while I have to use mine to live and take care of my children with it was the best for me.

3000.00 compared to 600.00 was a big deal to me. I didn't do it for him I did it for me. Yup he will beneifit from it but so will I and thats all that mattered to me. It was not his affair being prolonged with my help whcih it may be but I can't at this point worry about that. I had to do what was best for me.

I think this is what you need to look at besides the legal things. If its best for you do file seperate do it, if its best to file together do it. But just to save his butt and if it hurt me finacially to file jointly I wouldn't have done it. Again just MHO. But I agree with WAT you need to leagally find out what is best for you.


Hurting

Your best move would be to call a tax specialist or CPA. In some states if you are married you can not file seperate, despite what the 1040 says.

You really need to go to someone who understands the tax laws.