I am still dying inside. My husband of 6 years cheated on me. I never thought I would be saying this. His father is a serial cheater, married to his 4th wife, and my husband always said that his dad was the best example of why he would NEVER cheat. Well, he did! He started playing an online game, which is a whole other story, and started talking with some girl online. Basically, as our marriage was crumbling from the amount of time he was playing the game (up to 8 hours a night), his relationship with her was flourishing. Eventually, when my daughter and I went out of town, he flew her in and had sex with her. At some point, after sleeping with her twice in one day, he realized what he was doing was wrong. She went home a day early, and he started apologizing to me over the phone etc.

4 months later, we are still both in counseling - together and separately, and, I suppose, making strides. Unfortunately, it took an affair to make us work on our marriage. My problem is, I CANNOT FORGET!!!! What do I do?

I can't forgive him. I can't get those images out of my head. He betrayed me. He lied to my face. He was willing to give up me and our daughter. How do I make this work, or is it even possible? I just don't know. I wish I could tear that memory out of my head or turn back time for a "do-over."

Please, if there is anyone out there who has had this happen to them, and were able to make this work, please let me know how you did it. I don't know if I am a strong enough person.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. There are lots of people here who have gotten over similar things, but it does take some time. You are still very early in this.

Your husband sounds like he was involved in a fantasy made real. People leave their spouses and children over crazy things like this. They just go bonkers.

It may help you when you read here and see that they all act the same, and do and say the same things.

I would insist that he get some counseling for all of the time he spends on the computer (another escape from reality).

Thanks for the welcome. Reading through some of the other posts has really helped. It is comforting to see other people have gone through this, decided to stay with their unfaithful spouse, and are actaully able to have better marriages. I am just having trouble with those "flashbacks" and the intense anger/hurt that seems to come out of nowhere. Have you noticed that it is imposssible to avoid mentions of cheating in our society??

About that game, you are completely right. He was involved in a fantasy world, which only intensified as he tried to avoid the problems we were having.

But, I was miserable, too. Yet I didn't have an affair. In fact, the NIGHT before I left for my trip, he told me that he was going to take the next 3 days to reflect on our marriage and really try and work things out. Less than 24 hours later, he was having sex with someone else. It's killing me.

Luckily, he is in therapy with an addiction therapist. Who would have guessed that an online role-playing game could become an addiction that almost ruined 3 lives?

I understand your pain. I have been going through this for 30 years on and off. I dont understand how I stayed in a relationship like this guess I will never know. I guess the hardest part is the lies. Now that I look back my emotional needs were never met. I guess I just went through the motions, cleaning house tending kids ect. I too never had an affair but could have.Did`nt think two wrongs made a right.But now I look back and see how I cheated myself out of a better life and my children. I think thats what hurts the most. Now after years of pain and deceit he wants to make a go of it and swears things will get better. All my heart says, is what about the other 26 years!!!!I love him but can`t and never will trust him, and I know that is not a way to live. You are the only one who can decide. I have tried to forget but the memories still pop up as much as I try to push them down.I have read books ect to try to cope. But that still does`nt change the fact of what has been done through the years, I guess some harm just can`t be undone All I can say is, if you love him and want to work it out try your best(him too). I hope all works out for you and your hubby:)