I came home from 2 months away while fighting the war in Iraq to find my wife acting cold towards me. I knew from our converstations that she had some things to talk about, but I wasn't sure what. About an hour after landing and getting all my baggage we sit down to eat lunch and she tells me that she made a local friend that she met on the internet and went out with him and a group of people on a friendly outing. Right away I was not happy about this, but she wouldn't have told me if she was hiding something. I decided not to argue at the moment and continue with the reuninon and seeing my kids.

That evening she told me that she pretty much decided we need to divorce. The details of why are mainly the typical things that make a woman emotionally separate themselves. I wasn't very romantic, didn't stand up enough to my mother who constantly put her down, and some other minor things that just added up over time to become one big thing and she separated herself emotionally. Gave me the "I love you, but am not in love with you."

I was devastated by this. I bawled and begged her for a chance. She agreed to give me one, but I had a major bombshell the next day. I went to check my e-mail and discovered a blog she created on a very popular blogging site. She stated in it that she was divorced and in the text of her blog she mentioned that she was still technicallyl married, but in the process of separating and divorcing. It does state on her site that she's looking for friendship and networking and not a relationship.

Over the past few days I have checked her site and followed her "friends" list. I discovered messages from her to other men that were way over the line for me. Some of them were little sexual innuendos, another told a man that "his words lifted her up". Little "blink you" messages that said things like "I hope you know CPR because you take my breath away". I was particularly hurt by the fact that she sent several of them
Valentine's Day messages yet never even sent me an e-mail.

She claims that her contacts on the site have been strictly friendly and she has never cheated on me. She states that this was an escape for her while I was deployed and a way to communicate annonymously with other people. She admitted that there was one particular person she had been in contact with that she was finding herself attracted to, but she cut it off since she was still married and is no longer in contact with him.

I'm at a loss. I want to move forward and show her how much I love her and that I can love her the way she wants to be loved, but I am having a very hard time letting go of this website, which she has insisted on maintaining. She says it's up to me to prove I love her and that all I've been focusing on since I have come back is the stupid website.

I am very jealous right now and am trying to control it. I feel like she goes out and probably stays in contact with a lot of these guys while she's out and uses her cell phone. She also claims that all she wants to do is make new friends here and that if she really wanted to cheat on me she wouldn't need the internet to do it.

I want some advice. I'm trying to let it go, but I'm haunted by the idea that she's still in contact with some of these guys or seeing them when she goes out. I believe her when she says she hasn't cheated since she could have easily stayed at her parents where she has support, but I believe she is either incredibly naive, or is playing with fire. I have had to stop myself from calling the phone numbers I found that she had written down of some of these "friends".

She has toned down the website, making it less flirtatious and has deleted a number of the men on her friends list, mainly the ones that bothered me the most. It is a baby step, but I won't feel comfortable until she states on there that she's married, preferably mentioning me in the text of her blog.

I desperately want to save my marriage since we have 3 lovely children and I believe they are best raised in a 2 parent home. I also believe she will eventually change this site or get rid of it once I win her back, but I can't help but feel horrible jealousy right now. I also feel that while she may not have physically cheated on me, she has emotionally cheated. I'm desperate for advice from anyone who may have gone through something similar.

Papa,

I posted on your other thread too. You have had a horrible homecoming no doubt. If you are in the army I am assuming that you have been already been away from you family for extended periods of time. I am sure that this has put a strain on your M.

A`s are not about the BS. An A is like medication for something that is ailing the the WS. It may be boredom loneliness or even fear that is troubling the WS. I am sure that your W was both lonely and afraid while you were gone.

There are several members here who are in situations similar to yours. Being in the military is stressful on marriages so your situation is unfortunately quite common.

I am sure that you are angry and hurt right now but you can repair your M. There are many of us here who have been successful. You do need some outside help. It would be a good idea to call the Harelys or to call your local Psychiatric Assoc`s to get references for GOOD MC`s that specialize in dealing with infidelity. Churches can also be good ressources.

If you have been in Iraq then you have been through some difficult situations before. You can handle this.