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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 37
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OP
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 37 |
Any suggestions on how long you should wait before dating? Is it o.k. to date during a divorce or should you wait? Any comments would be appreciated.
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 465
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 465 |
Personal opinion: Your married until the divorce is final and any dating before then would be an A. Also, with all the emotions of a D, I don't see how you could build a new good relationship in the midst of it.
That said: I'd love to have someone to hold me. Even better, have great SF and rub it in WH's face, esp if it was with one of WH's friends. However, both would only set me up for more pain and would not be worth the small pleasure received. Since it is tempting, I'm keeping myself away from those temptations.
Psalm 57 (a cry for mercy, refuge & praise)
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150 |
It is usually assumed that, if you are married, you are not free to date. At least around here.
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 37
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OP
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 37 |
I am asking because my STBXH started dating immediately.
I am reading a book that says this is considered to be a rebound relationship and that individuals going through a divorce need to go through a healing process. Basically, if you get involved too soon, you are not taking the time you need to heal your heart. It says you will bring your issues into the new relationship. That for a man, he suppresses his feelings of guilt by getting into another relationship and the pattern will continue indefinitely until he takes the required time to heal his pain.
Anybody agree with this??
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 4,199
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 4,199 |
Yes, and most of us on this board have waited and are trying to heal before we jump into a new relationship.
And we also know that we can't control another's actions, only our own.
Do what is right for yourself.
It was a marriage that never really started.
H: Conflict Avoider, NPD No communication skills (Confirmed by MC) Me: Enabler
Sep'd 12/01, D'd 08/03.
My joys and the light of my life: DD 11, DD 9
*Approach life and situations from the point of love - not from fear.*
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 675
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 675 |
[color:"green"]Going along with what Newly said: Do you realize that you are judging whether something is "right" for stbx? Focus on what is right for you.
If you focus on his problems rather than your own problems you don't give yourself a chance to heal and grow.
Why be worried if he is dating? You can't make him stop doing anything he wants to do.
V. [/color]
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 37
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OP
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 37 |
I guess it bothers me that after a week of telling me he wanted a divorce, he was out dating. I don't feel it is right and it is a slap in my face. I have not dated because I am truly trying to do some healing. I don't feel that being in a relationship would be fair to me or anyone else. I know everyone is correct that I shouldn't worry about him, only worry about myself. Just looking for some support and perhaps a way to deal with all the pain of knowing that while I am trying to do what is best, my STBXH is out having a good time.
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