I just wanted to share something with you folks.

I know it's hard for most people who don't know about MB to understand the concepts....but I wanted to tell you about a friend of mine that went through all of this WITHOUT MB.

Five years ago (I didn't know her then) my friends husband began an affair (unbeknownst to her, of course). He was in a band with some friends, and this woman would come and watch the band practice. She was also married, and my friend doesn't know all the details of how this started, but her husband and this woman began to have an affair.

She went through all of the *gut feeling* things that we know so well and her husband denied anything was going on, she finally happened to be driving the kids home from the pool one day and she AND her children saw her husband in front of a store kissing the OW.

Well as you can imagine a HUGE fight ensued. She kicked him out, and he got an apartment. He decided since Lisa had kicked him out that he would ask the OW to leave her husband to be with him. The OW was not willing to do this.

Her husband became very depressed, he was missing work and losing weight.....he ended up losing his job making $60,000 a year. All this occurred over a 2 year time span. He ended up not being able to afford his apartment anymore and Lisa let him move back in.

She couldn't get over that he was so depressed over another woman that he lost his job. She said he has never been the same since.

They lived together for 3ish years after that. Separate bedrooms....basically living as roomates, and she now has moved into my apartment building without him. (They have never divorced)

I had never met him before she moved in this weekend....he doesn't seem like a happy person....which stands to reason because his family is moving away from him.

She knows about my situation, and has, on occasion talked to me about it. She says that "I'm where she was 4 years ago". She says she knows all about the infidelity diet...she lost 70 lbs on it., was suicidal (the only thing that kept her going were the kids), and couldn't believe any of this was happening.

They are past the point of no return....she says while she will always love him, because he is the father of her children, she has no feelings for him anymore. That he's never been the same since all of this transpired.

I haven't explained MB to her.....I don't believe she's interested in saving this at all (In fact she keeps trying to set *ME* up with her husband....she says "He learned his lesson, he'll make a great 2nd husband).

I've explained to her that I still love my husband. That he betrayed me, but that I'm not interested in divorcing him at this time, and that I still have hope that we'll work it out.

I think that these people would have had a shot if they had only known about MB.

Lisa is satisfied with where her life is right now, she's satisfied to be moving out and moving on without him.

I say *satisfied* as I don't think that I can call it happy. She's relieved that she won't have the stress of having him around, but I believe they are both going to carry the baggage into the next relationship.

It makes me profoundly sad....and I realize this is the scenerio that MB was created to avoid.

God Bless,

-Caren

Hi Caren - another variation on this story is what happened to OM's wife in my story: even knowing about MB isn't always enough.

She and I co-discovered the affair almost simultaneously. In fact, she was suspicious before I was and had to convince me that something wasn't right and we needed to snoop. We lived only four houses away from each other and our families were VERY close (an understatement? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> ).

Anyway, after discovery and initial confrontation, she went into immediate anti-MB mode > attack, attack, attack, DJ, DJ, DJ, LB, LB, LB. I went into depression and didn't have the energy to do much of anything. I kinda went into a passable Plan A, not yet knowing what it was.

I found MB three months later and discovered that I had been doing things about 75% the MB way. I had made some mistakes but was WAY closer to the MB method than OMW. Soon after finding MB I got a copy of SAA for OMW, navigated her to this forum on her computer, and hoped for a "joint operation." You can lead a horse to water.......

Despite my best efforts, she never relented her initial reactions. Attack, attack, attack. She became the WS's whipping child. A "dream" BS for the alien abductees. It got to the point that I had to distance myself from her. It was very ugly. I'm not saying she ruined our chances for a different outcome, but she certainly didn't help. Last I heard she's still a basket case.

Let's be fair and acknowledge that couples were successful in resolving affairs LONG before MB ever came around and today, couples undoubtedly continue to do so without it. And we know very well MB doesn't always work to resolve affairs - but I know I'm WAY better off than I would have been having put it into practice. I only have to look to OMW for proof.

Of course, you're right WAT. People did resolve these things before MB, but I think it certainly gives you something to hang on to. It helps to be able to understand the nature of the beast.

I may have gone into attack mode without MB. I was really hurt to begin with, but once that started to wear off, and I was just P.O.ed. and started striking out at both of them.

I still, sort of, had the inclination to do so even after MB, but could talk myself out of it using the MB principles and knowing that MB may not work, but it was my best shot.

I have great hope for BS's that use MB, it's the best tool I've found so far, and I've read everything.

God Bless,

-Caren