Good Morning,

How is everybody doing this morning? I'm actually feeling a tiny bit better I think. Maybe time away is helping.

Tired41

Morning all,

I think you all know how I am doing, so there is no need to get into that. lol.

Tired, Glad to hear that you feel a little better today. What do you mean by 'time away'?

Soon, Hope you had a decent weekend. Anything happen?? Fill us in please.

Cis, How was your wknd? And how are you doing?

Thinking of you all. ((HUGS))

Good morning! I just got through reading and replying to Thankfuls posts. I hate that for her. I still think it's a good sign. He didn't have to tell her the truth but he did. Nevertheless, this is hard for her. But I still see hope.

My weekend...hmmm. I'm more confused now than ever. Saturday, my H took the boys to his parents to spend the night. I forgot that I had to sing at 5:00 but remembered as I was thinking about what I was going to fix for supper. So I told H, that I had to sing at 5:00 and he acted aggravated. Started asking questions, like...how did I forget and what made me remember and how long would I be singing, when would I be home. I told him I had to be there at five and didn't know how long I'd be gone. He said "well I was looking forward to spending the evening with you". I didn't say anything. He left to take the boys to his parents and I didn't ask him what he was going to do or anything. He said, well if I can't get a hold of Doug (meaning he would go hunting) then I'll be here at the house I guess.

when I got done, I stopped at a payphone to call him...and what do ya know...he was at home. I told him I was on my way home. So I got home and we watched a little tv, had some wine. We went to bed...and it happened...the SF. I don't want to go into details or anything but I just want to tell you some of the things he said to me during (please don't puke). He said "you are the most beautiful woman in the world" "the most beautiful woman that I have ever laid eyes on", "I love you more than anything in this world".

Now tell me, what the crap is that? I mean, I like to hear it. But it's confusing me. I love you more than anything in this world but I want to divorce you. Alien. I did good though, I didn't cry or get upset as I normally would. It really just went in one ear and out the other...and then ofcourse it came right back in the other ear again.

Last night, he had a hard time sleeping. He kept getting up and turning the TV back on. Cursing and going on to himself.

This morning I told him that I was sorry he had a rough night last night. And that was it.

Any other suggestions on what the heck I should do?

It seems like we have some husbands who can't decide what they want. I don't know what to say. This idea of having a wife that you profess to love and OP is so foreign to me, that I don't have a clue as to what to advise.

I am so impressed with both of you in how hard you are working on saving the M. No matter what happens, both of you can hold your heads high. No one can ask more of you than to try your best. Your best is very good considering the horror that you have subjected to.

These guys are going to keep on with this insanity and lose the best things that they ever had in their lives. They will know that too, I just hope it's not too late.

Oh gosh Soon, I don't know how you do it. I'd be asking questions constantly if my H was saying things like that. We are in very different positions here b/c me and H are separated and there is no SF. It just seems to me that your H still has feelings for you. I wouldn't be able to sit back and not say anything though. I think I would have to draw the line, but that is just me. I wish I could explain what he is doing, but I can't. I can't even explain myself right now! ((HUGS)) to you.

Thank you so much Tired. Your words have made me smile. And I don't do that (and really mean it) too often these days.

How can they possible expect us to deal with the reality they have decided on when they keep changing the rules as they go along?

ISWE - I can not imagine the distress it must cause you to still be living with your H under the circumstances. How do you keep yourself from falling apart every few minutes? I have had only 2 brief phone conversations with my WH in the last 3 weeks and each of those has me tied up in knots for days afterwards.

My hat is off to you for the strength you have to deal with this.

Hi 2,

Didn't mean to leave you out of the loop this morning. How are you doing?

I agree, the strength that Soon is showing is incredible. I just couldn't handle having my STBX at home and knowing that she was still in contact with OP. I know at times that I wanted to grab her and shake her and say "THIS IS OUR LIVES AND OUR FAMILY THAT YOU ARE DEALING WITH HERE. IS ANYONE SO IMPORTANT TO YOU AS TO JEOPARDIZE THAT?" I guess he was, because she never came to her senses.

To me, family and loving one person are the most important things in life. I can't understand how anyone cannot see that.

Hi T41. Not a great weekend. The weather was gloomy and I guess so was I. My DD is moving this next weekend, and I will be living on my own for the first time ever. I know my WH spent the whole weekend indoors - because I can see his house from my front windows. I sit and stare and wonder and drive myself crazy. Not ready yet to get on with my life. He called on Friday and you would have thought I was a complete stranger during the 2 second phone call. He keeps threatening to get a locksmith and remove my new locks if I don't give him a key but can not explain why he believes he should be able to enter the house anytime he wants. he has already removed all of his possessions and claims I can have whatever is left. The uncertainty is what makes me crazy - I am a very organized goal oriented person and not used to just "waiting". They say this will pass, but not soon enough for me.

Hi there blue. I can't understand either why he would need a key to your house. I don't know how you do it either, being able to see his house from yours.

when I move, I will be about 45 MInutes away. So I hope this will make it easier for me. There will be slim chances of me ever "running" into him.

It is tough when you start living on your own. I am now. The hardest part, for me, is to start doing things for yourself again. Seems like for the last 8 years my main concern was doing something for my W, and I liked doing that. Now that she is gone, it's just me and Sam (my basset hound). I do get my son, from a previous marriage, on alternating weekends, so that is good.

I don't think I could live with the STBX living in view. Is this a permanant living situation? I wouldn't give him a key for any reason.

Be strong and know that there is a better life waiting out there.

I was single for 10 years before we got together, but I had kids at the time and I could keep busy with raising them and the never ending activities they have. Now, its the starting over that seems rather daunting - he was a real loner with few friends and did not like having people over so I have lost touch with a lot of friends over 16 years. I have joined a gym and am taking dance classes so I have something scheduled for the evening hours to make me go out. Weekends are hardest because that was the time I spent at home either working on our house or some art project and taking care of him. There is a lot less cooking and cleaning and a lot more hours for just thinking.

He has moved in with his "best" friend from childhood - a 48 year old man who does not work, has never been married, and his only relationship with any woman is an older married woman who supports him. They have been together for 30 years now, so the influence my WH is getting now is not what I call beneficial.

It sounds like you have the right idea, getting yourself busy in the evenings and hopefully meeting new people. Weekends are the hardest for me too. Maybe with time they will start being fun again.

It's odd, the people they (WS) turn to for advise. My STBX (40) turned to the OM, a 26 year old kid living with his parents. Talk about objective advise.

Stay strong.

question for ya'll: My fifth wedding ann. will be coming up in a couple of days. March 2nd. Do I buy my STBXH a gift? Card? Do I even say anything about our anniversary? Would it be a LB if I didn't, or would it be tough love? What should I do?

I was in a similar situation last Christmas. I knew that the end was probably near and couldn't decide what to do. I thought about it and decided to do what I have done every Christmas before. I thought that if this was to be our last Christmas together, that I would go out like I came in. I overspent on her, as usual, and I think it really surprised her. She got me very little, but she got a lot.

Looking back, I don't regret it. I never like to miss an opportunity to show her love, even if she is killing me. No matter what happens in her life, I'll bet that she always remembers that.

I'm not sure what I'll do. I'm hurting so bad today after that "session" that we had the other night. I'm trying to be so strong. I have all these feelings and emotions running through me. I was reading my baby talk magazine the other day and there was a qoute in there that made me laugh, and then it made me cry. It said "the Lord won't give me anything I can't handle, I just wish he didn't trust me so much."

I want to give him something. But at the same time I know it will just be a waste of time.

I just emailed him and asked him if he truly wanted that article that you sent me Tired. I told him if he really wanted to read it then I'd send it to him, but if it was a waste of time to let me know. I haven't heard anything from him. I take that as a "no" that he doesn't want to read it. Like I said before, he wouldn't read it anyway. He'd read it until he go tto the first thing that was anywhere near not agreeing with his opionion and then throw it away. And then he'd swear to me that he read the whole thing. I know him like a book. He says that I "think" I know him, but I DO know him. He just can't admit it.

Sounds like my STBX. She went to IC for two sessions, until the C said something that she didn't agree with, mainly "You need to break away from OM and work on your M".

Don't give him something for him, give him something for you.

hMMM, Just like my H. We went to MC for about two months and then she started saying things that he didn't want to hear. So we quit going. Now he says that it was me who "drove" him away from MC.

It really doesn't have to be this way. It really doesn't. I am so depressed today. It's so hard to remain strong. I have the hardest time when we are doing family things. Things just as simple as eating together at the supper table. Our boys are so happy. And their world is going to be torn apart becuase he feels that this is the only way. I know that they will be fine...but it just doesn't have to be this way.

He just emailed me back and said that "yes he would like to read it so send it on over". Talking about the article. I just sent it. Please let him read it and let him have some sort of effect on his decision.