On another post of mine I said

I've been spending a lot of time thinking about this. I don't know if I can ever forgive (or forget) the pain he has caused us. I don't know if I'll ever trust him again. How do you know if your marriage is even salvageable?

IamSo-

I don't think that anyone can *know* for a definite that their marriage is salvagable, I think that all we can do is to *try* to save it.

I believe I can get past the pain, I think that I've become a strong enough person and I have already forgiven my husband for his transgression.

I think that my faith and belief in God has helped me with this a LOT.

It's not healthy for me to hang on to those negative feelings, I think that you get *stuck* there and it's counter-productive for not only your marriage but for you personally.

If I were you I'd start praying. There is no way I could have even gotten as far as I have without the Lord's guidance. I cast my anxieties on to him and have asked him since this all began to hold my marriage in his hands and keep it safe.

I think that it is possible to come out of this with a better marriage than you went in with, and I intend on extracting that new life with the help of God.

God Bless,

-Caren

(Putting forgiveness aside for a moment.)

Pain, like history, cannot be forgotten - nor should it be. Otherwise we don't learn anything.

Pain, like history, can also be re-written. Then we get to re-live it.

WAT

If you ask yourself these questions and answer HONESTLY> You'll know.

If I forgive him is it CONDITIONAL or UNCONDITIONAL?
Will I ever trust him?
Trusting will come with allot of pain and memories, but is your marraige worth it? Can you put the past in the past and work on the present and future. (without bring up the past) Do you want revenge? If you do, you have not began the healing process of forgiveess. Can HE talk about it with you, is he humble about the situation or still defensive? It can be salvageable IF, you both want it. This is hard to say, but it you have more doubts that hard factual feelings that are positive, then you may need to move on. Have you had any couseling? Are you still in the same home? If so, you may just need the space to nourish yourself.

I believe I can forgive him for the affair but what I don't know if I can forgive is all the pain he put us though. My 15 year old daughter is hurt beyond belief. This has caused a change in my relationship with my oldest daughter and between the girls.

I NEVER thought he could hurt me this way and I never dreamed he could do this to the kids.

I'm a good person. I am a good mother and I was a good wife. I look back and think about love busters and I'm telling you, I can find no fault of mine that precipitated this.

I do pray and I believe in God. However I believe differently than most people, that God answers our prayers in ways he sees fit, not by giving us what we want.

I have prayed for answers to this mess I've been dragged into but so far I have no answers. I love my husband unconditionally BUT don't we all have the instinct for self preservation?