It's been almost 4 months since the first DDay and almost 2 months since DDay #2 and full exposure. I have done my best to avoid LB's and be as patient as I can, but this whole thing is really taking its toll. I can't sleep, I alternate between not eating at all and bingeing on junk food, I take no pleasure out of things I used to enjoy. I feel worn out and sad all of the time. I can't concentrate on my work and I'm in danger of losing some valuable contracts. I hate being in limbo, just waiting for my WH to decide what he wants to do. I don't even know what *I* want to do at this point. I feel like we're on completely different planets and I feel very lonely. He's had 4 months to think about this and he still can't to commit to recovery.

Am I wasting my time here? Or am I just being impatient? Up until recently, I thought I was ready to do anything to fight for this marriage, but now my drive is flagging. I know this is going to be hard and require a lot of work, but so far I've been doing all of the work and it's beginning to really weigh on me. I know that throwing in the towel is the easy way out, but I'm beginning to wonder if it isn't the smart thing to do.

Bronwyn,

I feel your pain, I truly do, and I am sorry that you are in this situation...

It seems to me that he may be in withdrawal...I don't know your situation... Have you been doing Plan A? Will he commit to marriage counseling? How about individual counseling for you? You can work on yourself to decide what you want to do...you have that power, if your H will not go to MC...

I know it's tough...hang in there...you are among friends here at MB..

WH is not open to marriage counseling at the moment, but I have just started individual counseling. I am hoping that will help to give me some clarity. I guess these past couple of weeks I've just been feeling like it's all a waste of time... But practically, I guess it's still much too early to make any global decisions. It's just hard fighting this thing on my own.

Bronwyn

Been there. done that. Read My toolkit for the GREAT advice I received when Squid wa sslow to start recovery after NC and how to deal with loneliness and the different emotions I went through.

Time and doing teh right thing, bronwyn. I was where you are, witha NASTY WS yet my marrige is now intact amd Squid loves me. Have faith and study.


All blessings.

Bob -- Thank you so much for your reply. I have just started going through the repository of information contained in the link you posted and it is exactly what I need to read right now. In fact, I think I found that link a while ago, but I wasn't in the right place to listen to all of the very helpful advice at that time. I think I am ready now to really commit to a Plan A, and thanks to you and the other wise people on this board I am learning what that really entails.

I feel slightly less panicked and lost right now, which is very liberating. I cannot thank you enough.

Bronwyn,

You are doing the right thing by going to an IC...I did not, due to insurance issues, but sometimes wish I had...It may have helped me to get through the darker days..

When I discovered MB, I did not feel so alone anymore. I know it is difficult, but you are right, you should not make any major decisions right now...the info Bob Pure sent you is very very good and well worth the reading...It doesn't seem so now, but it will get better...you need to focus on YOURSELF...

Glad to hear that you are feeling better than when you first posted...Take it one day at a time!

What have you put into place to help your recovery? What is your plan A and it's timeline? Do you have a plan B setup? Have you identified your boundaries?

R U waiting for the WS to stop being a WS or are you moving forward?

L.