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WW says she wants to leave because she feels too much pressure. I have been implementing Dr. Harley's concepts, no LB's etc. so I don't think her leaving because of pressure is valid. Seems like an excuse to get away and eventually leave altogether. She can't tell me how long she will be gone or how this will help. I have told her I don't want her to go and if she does she is telling me the marriage is over.
Any suggestions on how to proceed?
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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As far as I know, she has had NC since 1/1/06.
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It sounds like the behavior of someone who is still in an affair. It would be helpful if you knew for sure. Then we could help you proceed in the best way.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Ok. Thanks. I'll try to find out.
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Have you been monitoring her actions? How do you think she contacts the OM? What has been going on? I have told her I don't want her to go and if she does she is telling me the marriage is over. I wouldn't suggest telling her the marriage is over unless you really mean this. You don't have to try and save it, but if you don't mean this, I wouldn't say it to her.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I have been monitoring her and asking her if she has had any contact. She says no. I have checked her cellphone a couple of times. Who knows? She could be buying a calling card or something I can't trace.
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terps, can you put a recording device in her car? What about her computer? Does she contact him via computer? Can you hire a P.I.? Do you think she calls him from your landline ever? If so, you can put a tape recorder on it.
However, it does no good to ask her, she will just lie if it's true.
See, discovery of the facts will be the key to saving your marriage. In order to save your marriage, the affair will need to be exposed. In order to expose, you have to find out the truth. And I will just tell you that this has all the red flags of an affair. She is feeling "pressure" because your presence is an impediment to her affair.
And, if you happen to find out that there is not an affair, you can proceed in a different direction. Howevr, you can't do anything until you have the facts.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Dr. Harley says the WS generally leaves to allow more freedom and access to their lover. Probably, it is still going on. Sorry.
TooSoon
Married 20 yrs at time of affair
DD: 1/16/04
NC: Since 4/14/04
FWW: Workplace EA for 8+ months.
MC: For Awhile
Recovery Begins When All Contact Ends.
Progress: Doing very well.
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yep i agree. ongoing.
she is leaving house for what? if she wants space, she can go downstairs or ask to go for a walk by herself..or to mall or gym.
you don't have to move out to think.
you do move out to have an affair with somebody else though.
why?
it's kinda hard to sleep around under same roof with your spouse...
me:37 BS; s:7;
xh:38; OW:26;eloped w/OW 1 wk after D: 12/29/03. OC born 3/17/04. Happy! Blessed to be the mother of a wonderful son..great profession..Life's good!
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I don't know how. I can't check everything in her life. I think I'm at the end of my rope. Is this how it is going to be? The crazy thing is other than this, we don't fight about anything else.
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Do you have children? How long have you been married?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Married 15 years in May. Two children - son 8, daughter 7.
WW had EA for 2 years? then PA last six months.
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What kind of things have you done to bust up her affair? Is the OM married?
Is your WW proposing that she remove your children from your home?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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OMW knows. They moved to another town two hours away. That's why I dont' think it is going on. Other than both sets of our parents nobody else knows. I'd prefer to keep it from becoming public knowledge.
No, she does not want to remove children. She has changed in many other ways that shows me she cares. She just seems heelbent on this issue.
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terps, what do you think the real reason is she wants to leave? Where would she go and who would pay for this?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Also, terps, are you certain that the OMW does know about the affair? Did you speak to her yourself?
Is it possible that your W is back in touch with the OM and they are planning on getting a place together? Or perhaps she thinks she can get him back if she seperates from you?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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She said somewhere in our town. Probably a hotel. She does not work, so I would pay.
The only possible reason she wants to leave, IMHO, is to make it easier to see him. This is why I keep asking her if she has had contact. It's like a different person is talking when she gets on this subject. She can't give me any reason other than it will help her. Not that I'm the one who was betrayed or anything!
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I talked to OMW myself on D-day. I told her I had evidence. After that, I have not talked to her. I could call her and see how things are going. They were good friends of ours.
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I do wonder if she isn't doing this in order to be free to pursue the OM. A mother doesn't just up and leave her H and children unless there is something going on. I don't sense there is any abuse going on here, either.
Also, I would not pay for her hotel room. If she wants to leave to conduct her affair and live like a single woman, then let HER finance it. Your family money should not go towards that.
It might be a real good idea to call the OMW and just touch base with her.
If your wife is a SAHM, would she use your landline to talk to the OM? Can you put a recorder on the phone and tape her calls?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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