Yes I did have kids before the A.... but I have to agree with inanutshell....

Even tho I really think that I would probably have the same feelings that you do right now about wanting to have a child now, I am almost positive that I would of felt that way.

But really you should take the time to make sure this is going to work, even if your sure that you are going to give it a try right now, you still need just a little more peace in yourself and you have only just begun. Having a child is one of the most memories that you will have and never forget.... you want that memory of a wonderful time and not being upset about what is going on. Children pick up on that.... just give it a little more time and it will be worth it in the end.

I have alot of impulse feelings too, and man on some of them I cant stop thinking about and want to put into action, but I always try to stop myself and wait till I am rational and think things thru.

I know you are both right. I know that it is stupid to think that way and I know that if we stay together that eventually we will share that (and I don't want to be as selfish as she is being!). The unfortunate thing is that I was not ever planning to actually bear children. I wanted to adopt and BF was cool with that. Now, I feel like I have to because I don't want her to share that with him and me not. But, I am sure I won't be stupid enough to do it right now, it is just a feeling I have.

NO WAY are you being stupid!!!!!! I feel like that sometimes too, that it is stupid to feel something that I am feeling or wanting to do this and that. But from what I am learning on here is that it is NOT stupid it is just natural and knowing others feel the same way does seem to help. I want to soooo bad say something to OW to write her a letter and let her know what her actions have done. I want to so bad go out and take out my frustration on her car or talk to her and hopefully she will say something wrong so I can pop her a good one. I have prayed for something anything to hurt her the same way she has hurt me. Yes I do feel bad about those feelings, I am not basically a violent person or to wish ill on others... but to find out others feel the same way does make me feel better and to know that the impulse gets to bad that people here will talk some sense back in my head, to keep me on track of being the better person then her.

After I posted that I was positive that I would of felt the same way as you I remembered that I did, not because she gave him his first child but it did bother me and feel so shameful that she gave him his only daughter, and I felt so robbed that I wanted to give him a daughter too. I had completely forgotten that I did feel that way. So it is basically the same as your feeling, if my tubes were not tied who knows what I would of done before I found this forum LOL

Yeah. Thank you for sharing. I still don't really know what to do. I have decided to try and work it out with him because honestly, our relationship is just fine other than this. We didn't have any problems at all and we fit each other so well. In all of the affair books it says if the M is healthy otherwise then it has a great shot of working out but if the A is a symptom of problems then it has less of a good shot (but still possible). Basically in our case, he was 3,000miles away from his GF and he is 23 (and thus horny). It was still wrong and stupid but I don't think it was a symptom of lots of underlying problems in our relationship. This is why I still want to marry him. But at the same time, I don't want to start out a marriage this way. I feel like we're dysfunctional from the get go. I came from a pretty dysfunctional family and I promised myself that my M would be as normal as possible. I think, though, that part of growing up is realizing that no one is normal and that everyone has their dirty little secrets. And I think a M is only dysfunctional if you let it be. I mean even alcoholics recover from it, if they are willing to. I don't know, maybe I am just rationalizing...