Good Tuesday morning. Hope all is well. Hope everyone had a good nights sleep.

Thankful: Good job last night! You did well. Seems like things are getting on the right track so far. I just hope that your H doesn't drag his feet, that he comes to hes senses and removes the Alien from his own self. I am still praying for you like there's no tomorrow.

My night wasn't good. We didn't fight or anything. I just didn't feel well at all. I'm not sure what the problem was. No appetite and I just felt "weird". Like everything was an illusion, a dream. I just didn't feel good at all. My H put his arms around me several times. Told me he missed me and that he loved me. I told him I loved him too that I just wish it meant something. He said it did. I did not ask him about the article. I didn't want to seem too pushy so I figured I'd wait till tonight.

Good Morning everyone. I had an uneventful evening. I did get a little bit lonely, but that is to be expected.

Thankful, you're doing great. Stay tough.

Soon, I know about that weird feeling. It sometimes seems like a bad dream, but you just can't wake up. Maybe your H will wake up and come to his senses.

Got to go now. I hope everyone has a super day.

I think this is getting harder instead of easier. Still no word from my STBXH, going on a week now, although I know he is still watching and checking on me - too many drive bys for it to be co-incedence. One of his friends stopped by just to check on me, and his concern for how I was handling things was so touching no matter how hard I tried I couldn't help the crying.

Have an appointment today for IC and hopefully the meds will follow and help. Right now I am trying to just stay so busy I pass out at night.

Good luck with your counseling Blue. I too hope it helps. Along with the meds. Are you already on meds? I am not, I do have an appt on Thrs. I don't think I've ever been excited before about taking a stupid pill, but I sure am now.

It will get harder before it gets easier. That's a given in our situation. I just wish it wasn't taking so long. Do you think your H "sent" the friend over to check on you or was he genuinely checking up on you himself?

Morning all,

Soon, Sorry you had a rough night. I hope today is better for you. When is your D supposed to be final? And when are you moving out of the house? Is your H moving out also? Just wondering what the time frame was. You are in such a tough spot mentally, I don't know how you do it. I think I'd have to ask my H what the heck he is doing if I were you. How could he say those things to you & still want to divorce? I just don't get it. As I keep saying, you are a very strong woman.

Tired, Sorry you felt lonely last night. What about Sam? How is he doing?

Two, I hope you find some relief thru counseling & meds. No matter what, all of us are going to ok. It may not feel like it right now, but I promise, we all will be.

My H is coming this afternoon to see DS. He just mentioned to me on the phone how it bothers him that DS seems so distant with him. I don't know what to say to him when he says that. His daddy isn't around much anymore - what does he expect him to do? Our son is very smart & knows what is going on.

God give me strength to get thru this day & facing H later on. I don't feel too bad today so far, I hope it stays that way. I pray to God my H comes to his senses. All I want is my family back.

Mediation hasn't been scheduled yet. I do know that it will be some time early April. And after mediation the D will be final in about a week. We have agreed that I will stay in the house until the D is final so that the boys can be with the both of us as long as they can. As far as I know H will stay in the house. He can have that house, I want no part of it. He hasn't told me of any plans to sell the house, but he doesn't inlcude me in any of his plans anyway. I figure that after I move out then he will put the house up for sale. He has some land close to his parents, which his two brothers also have land their too. I figure he will either build a house so that he can be closer to them, or will move closer to work. Maybe he has plans to move in with one of his OW. And he may keep the house, I just don't know. I haven't asked becuase if he had plans to sell the house he'd just lie about it anyway. I'm not sure why he would lie, it's not like I can stop him from going elsewhere...he just lies to be lying sometimes. I don't know if he thinks he's protecting himself or what. It's the damn*d alien, not my H.

I have always beeen a pretty strong person, not given to drama, but for the first time I think I am scaring myself. If it is true that things are gonna get worse before they get better, I am not sure at all that I can take it.

I don't think my WH sent his friend to check on me. From the conversation, it took about 3 seconds to figure out the friend has no idea what has happened, only that WH has moved out. The friend was hoping that I could tell him what is going on but I just couldn't bring myself to. I have made a habit out of keeping STBXH secrets, protecting his reputation and ego, and even now I can't bring myself to break the habit.

I would give anything in the world right now just to spend 5 minutes with him. Alien or not. Even the alien can still make me angry enough to feel and this numbness scares me.

Maybe it wont for you. I hope not. I pray not. Your H may turn around and come home tomorrow. It will get harder for me I know because my H is not coming back to me. It's easier for me (or atleast it seems it makes it easier) to just say that to myself and accept it. Expect the worse. That's just my way of doing things. I hope that this is not the way things have to go for you.

If it does, you can make it. You have to.

That was very nice of your H friend to come and check on you. You are going to have to stop protecting your H. Would you really like to spend time with the Alien? Remember, the alien is the mean person...not your H.

At least the alien looks, smells and talks like the man I miss. May not say the same things but at least he is familiar. I know that this pain will end eventually, but it won't be with him coming home. I really believe I have seen and spoken to him for the very last time.

My granddaughter had a melt down at daycare this morning, and the director had to call me. My GD does not want to play outside or take her nap because her grampa is supposed to pick her up today and she doesn't want to miss him. She has been waiting by the door to her room all afternoon. Tuesday was always his day to pick her up early and spend some quality time with her. She may forget and get past this in time, but how can you forgive any one who breaks a childs heart this way?

Just wanted to wish everyone a good evening. I feel another mood of mine coming on where I'm very withdrawn. I don't even know why I worry about it. He doesn't care so why in the heck should I.

Have a great night!

Hi all. I've been outside today so I haven't got to post much. I hope everyone is staying strong.

I was reading on the GQII forum last night. A poster called "milkshake" had posted a link to an article on "Mid-life Crisis for Dummmies". I got to reading it, and it so accurately described what I have lived through for the last 10 months. It is funny to read, but also sad because it rings so true to many of our situations. I will be glad to send it to anyone who wants to read it.

I don't know what I am feeling. H came by to see DS and do some stuff to get ready for his trip tomorrow. I guess I was surprised when DS came over to me and handed me 2 birthday cards, (my b-d is Sunday) one from DS & DD and one from H. I have to admit I was very shocked to even get a card from my H. It was a Between You and Me card to the tune of "In a perfect world we would never break each other's hearts, or do things that we can't take back, I'm sorry for causing you so much pain and making you think that I don't care, because I really do care" I read it and said thank you to him. Then before he left, he kept staring at me and I would hardly look at him, I guess that made him upset, I went into the kitchen and he came over to me and put his arms around me, kissed me on the cheek and whispered in my ear "Happy Birthday, I'm sorry I won't be here for your birthday" (because he won't be back from the trip before then)

I don't think he realizes that my birthday means absolutely nothing to me this year or any year for that matter now. I could care less that he won't be here for my birthday - I want him here for the rest of my life, not my birthday. I could give two &^%* about my birthday. I am in tears now.