Mr. & Mrs. Wondering...
Please call me....

Dazed,

How did court go?

In His arms.

Everything OK?

saying a prayer for you dazed

We're still rooting for you Dazed!

Let us know how things are going when you can.

We're keeping you in our prayers Dazed.

Stay Strong!

I'm still praying, too, Dazed...

Are the Wonderings still on vacation in the Caribbean? At least I thought they were going away. I haven't seen them post for a while.

Dazed, I think they are still on vacation.

Dazed,

You have my email addresses if you need/want to contact me offline friend.

The wife and I had the best week end in nearly a year.
She had no contact at all all week end and we togethe went to the court room yesterday and dismissed the divorce petetion. That is great.

She new that the dismissal also ment dismissing OM forever.
We talked all week end about what this dismissal means to both of us... A new start....One with out OM...

She confessed that she has wanted to end it with OM for a long time. She has guilt for agreeing to his plan before she thought things with me could get better and he shown her he is crazy.

We have been open and honest about everything....

The problem is OM will not go away....
She told me that she has written him to go away letters in the last two weeks and he just tells her that she is not getting away that easy... She owes him...

OM was waiting outside down the street yesterday as we together came out to get in my truck to go to court.

I told the wife last night that she has made her choice to and now it's time for me to protect you... Okay... She said okay. I gave no details...

OM is calling her all morning and emailing her at work... She has already screwed up by taking his calls.

This is the email she just sent me...
i wish it were that simple-
now i have the guilt that he is going to
kill himself because he has nothing left to
live for-i am all he wanted & now I dont want
him so he wants to die. he is doing all kinds
of bad things to himself & he is blaming it on
me--he left his life for happiness( so he thought)
& now i am just throwing him out like trash-(his words)
I feel so extremely horrible--he keeps asking me to save him because he is scared to die but he wants to die because he cant have me & he keeps saying that he didnt love me enough & he is not good enough for me--oh god-its so horrible....oh ****** it sucks--he just
cries & cries....gotta go.

__________________________________________
I have been telling her that she can not protect him from his own choices. You are not responsible for him and his actions... He is an adult and you are not married to him...
He must have closure to move on... We all need it...
_____________

I want to call him myself.... Is this a bad idea?
I want to tell him that my wife has made her choice to remain as my wife and never see you again... It is time that you respect her desicion and move on.
Until today I have allowed her the time to make her choice... Now it has been made, and I will no longer stand by and allow you to harm my wife and our marriage.
It is now your choice to move on with your life. If you choice to continue this path you are on tomorrow, law enforcement and police action will be taken. If you still choose to continue, enforcing the law will take place and you will find yourself in jail.

Today I am having an RO drawn up and going to encourage the wife to file PFS order...

Don't 'encourage' the wife to go file the PFS...make it clear that you EXPECT this to happen...simply tell her that you're taking her to go do it.

If you 'ask' her, she's going to waffle. Remember, she's STILL fighting the addiction to the OM...will for a long time. Simply take charge here...tell her what you're doing. Let her know that this is something that HAS to happen in order for your marriage to heal.

As far as him calling/emailing her at work. Get her boss involved. Or, better yet, ask your wife to take a week or two of vacation...even if it's unpaid, as long as it won't ruin the two of you financially it'll be WELL worth it. Spend that time with her totally cutoff from him...spend it together reconnecting with the two of you. And at the same time get it set up so that OM can no longer reach her at all...RO/PFS, get the secret cell phone (I THINK your wife had one, yes?), etc... And simply tell your wife that it's time to rebuild your family and marriage...and all OM is going to do is to fight as hard as he can to prevent that.

This sounds like great news Dazed...now, take the steps needed to get OM removed from the picture...NOW...RIGHT NOW...before your wife's addiction prevents you from doing so. Trust me on this one my friend.

Yes, that's a bad idea. It would most likely highten the anger and only create more problems. Remember the key thing to NC is for you BOTH to write a NC letter. Keep it simple without venom. Explain your goals and that he can no longer contact her for any reason. Both of you sign it and you take responsibility in mailing it.

Dazed,

Take the steps to put this to rest now while the iron is hot. Have expectations of W and OM that they need to meet or establish consequences.

If all else fails, tell him that you have a couple of friends in Mississippi that will be glad to show him some "good ole' southern style hospitality" if he continues to harass.

I wouldn't. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction / encouragement of knowing that he can still influence your family! No contact means no contact!



<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Way to go Dazed! You Rock! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Stay Strong!

Dazed,

I have no advice for you because you are getting the best.

Just know that I am praying for you and your family.

You have worked and changed so much through all of this. You have been a inspiration to many of us. Keep up the good work and stay strong. You still have a few bumps in the road but you will make it over them.

Good Luck to you and yours,

Hurting

Dazed,

Please let me add my best wishes to those of the others. You have been magnificent. I will keep you and your FWW in my prayers.

xring

Mortarman-
I sent you a reply... Not sure if it's going to go.
My work email has a new firewall restricting email to and from yahoo email...

Do you have another email address I could use?

Okay-
I just got a call back from my lawyers office. He will not be back in the office today... NOW WHAT!

I was really hoping to get the RO drawn up today and get his advice on PFS and how to let OM know that he CAN NOT get away with bothering my wife. Until now he has gotten away with it... He must be stopped now and action taken.

I talked to the wife about her job. She has no vacation time left. There is talk of her taking another opening there where she will be away from the phones.
Short term is the problem...
She may be able to go to HR and or the owner and ask for help... I don't know if that is a great idea or not.

Don't know where your wife works, Dazed. Most companies will allow for UNPAID vacation in the event of a family crisis/emergency. This certainly counts. Again, she might not be paid for it, but at least this way you can remove OM's main avenue of approach. Can the two of you do without that income for a week or two? It seems to me that the two of you NEED some reconnect time...and this would solve two problems...that 'reconnect time' and removing OM's main point of access.

As far as the RO/PFS...can you file such directly at the courthouse/police station? You might consider calling and asking the desk sgt. that kind of question...honestly it wouldn't have occurred to me to GET a lawyer if I was doing something like an RO/PFS...I'd go straight to the police.

The comment earlier about writing a JOINT NC letter makes good sense too...and even have it sent to OM's residence via registered mail. Again, one more bit of 'evidence' if you have to go to court over anything related to this, and it 'proves' that he got it at least.

Dazed,

I am so happy to hear your wife made the right choice!!

I'll keep praying for all three of you as you work to get the OM out of your lives for good.

If the OM is threatening suicide, can't you call the cops and see if they will have him committed to a mental hospital? That could keep him away from your wife for a while.

Continuing prayers for your family, Dazed