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ff - Did OM agree to NC with OC? He is ok with your H raising OC as his own or is he going to fight you on paternity? See her response dated 3/3 on this thread. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> WAT ---------------- I remember everything.
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sfaj..
are you and hubby in counseling...
it is my opinion that as a human she has the right on this earth to make informed decisions about her life..
she should be given the autonomy to decide if she wants to be married to a man that cheats on her..
does she know that her husband had an affair...
ark
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The OC connection does complicate that, but the MOM and I also agreed that he would not be a formal part of her life. I guess I need to act upon what I know to be right I did see this WAT but my question is now that she is going NC is OM ok with her H raising OC as his own? Formal vs informal KWIM? My H continued to see OC behind my back as "informal" visitation. Now that the A is over OW "won't" let him see OC so he will have to go through "formal" routes to gain visitation. IF MOM has seen OC in the past 7 months he may have become attached.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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We have not notified the OM W. I know that we should, but my H does not want to. We began counseling last week. I will continue to work on my H about the OM W. I have changed our telephone numbers, not the email yet but I suppose I should. It has been VERY difficult
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faithful follower, you bring up a good point. The MOM had seen her several times before NC because I allowed it. I don't think that the MOM would want to complicate either of our lives that way. He knows it would be in the OC best interest to be raised with my H and I.
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Close up all the openings OM has to get to you. The OMW has a right to know that her H cheated on her AND that an OC was born. If it were me what I would do is ask my H to tell OM that if he doesn't tell her himself..your H will. It should not come from you. The BS does not want to hear from the OW believe me.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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SFAJ...
Why do you think you had the affair....?
also has your husband been asking for details...
because he very well may...
and you should be ready to offer to them...
it can be very hard for both..
but it can be done safely..
my biggest advice to not tell him things like
you don't know
or
you don't remember...
and remember that the imaginations of the truth is usually worse than the truth..
ark
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I would not contact the OMW; I feel as though that would be disrespectful coming from me. I will ask my H to contact the MOM to give him a chance to confess to his W, but my H really is avoiding all mention of OM. I don't think he wants to talk with him. My H doesn't seem to want any details; he said the thought of me sharing SF with someone else is too much to bear
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As to why I had the A, my H and I have been very distant for quite awhile. The OM and I had been childhood friends; he was emotionally there for me in a way that my H had really never been. It's no excuse, but I found myself falling for someone who took the time to connect with me in a way that worked for me
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Actually, the OM and I should have known better than to even re-ignite the friendship because we had always been attracted to and passionate about one another, that should have been a HUGE cautioun sign
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sfjaj - I have to admit that I had assumed that OM's wife knew all. My mistake.
I hope you and your H can come to a common conclusion - POJA - that she ought not be the only unaware party. On its face, this is intuitively right. In the perfect world, her husband would tell her - would have already told her. This cannot be assumed, as you probably realize.
A way - not necessarily the best way - to accomplish all this at once is via a NC letter from you (and your H?) to OM and separately to OM's wife.
JMHO
WAT
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We completed the NC letter to OM; I hadn't thought about doing that with OMW. I think my H will agree to that, thank you
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A way - not necessarily the best way - to accomplish all this at once is via a NC letter from you (and your H?) to OM and separately to OM's wife. This may be the easiest thing for your H. Then he does not have to speak to the OM. BTW it may not happen but your H may reach a point that he needs details. Be prepared to answer any and all questions honestly. Also be prepared for his anger. It will come at times.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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My H doesn't seem to want any details... For what it's worth, this is not unusual for a BS. There seems to be two polar reactions - some want to know all the details, down to the minute details - others don't want to know any. WAT
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I think that will be easier...my H wants nothing to do with the OM, especially talking with him. He said the thought disgusts him.
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We completed the NC letter to OM; I hadn't thought about doing that with OMW. I think my H will agree to that, thank you The reason I suggested a separate letter to OMW is that you cannot count on OM to share his copy with her. With this in mind, you may have to be devious with how her letter is delivered to prevent OM's interception of it. WAT
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>I feel as though that would be disrespectful coming from me.
Good choice. It hurts me EVERY time I have to speak to OW....
>He said the thought disgusts him.
I understand that. It's hard to be civil to someone who thought so little of you or your M.
Do you tell your hubbie about us here? Sometimes I think it's harder for men to talk about affairs stuff...but the people here have great shoulders for leaning on.
- Kimmy
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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I don't want the OMW to hear my voice because it would have to be a source of pain, especially with OC in the picture. Another concern of mine is that when the OM and I were involved in the A, we said we didn't want the A to be revealed, but the OM also said that it might be a relief for our spouses to know because then, "we could be together." (a quote from him). I am concerned once she does know that he will show up again, etc. Suggestions for that??
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Do you mean for devious delivery? If she works outside the home, sent to her workplace? If she doesn't work outside the home - and assuming OM does - sent to the home address registered mail with return receipt requested? (I don't know the exact USPS terminology.) If you know she has a personal e-mail account, e-mail it to her? Ask a common acquaintence to hand deliver? Maybe others have better ideas. WAT
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