The certified return receipt would work. She is a homemaker; he works outside the home. thanks

Are you going to address the issue of OC to OMW or just the affair?

I know I was terrified of the thought of an OC. I asked that question right away.

Just a thought, sfjaj.
If you confess IN WRITING that the OM is the biological
father of your baby daughter, is there any chance the OM and his wife might try to get partial custody?

I know you and your husband would NOT want that to happen.

I know nothing about the laws on this type thing, just wondering.

Oh, and I was thinking, the lady that wrote you earlier (I forget her ID name) but anyway, would it be possible for you and her to exchange email addresses? (She was the nice lady that had been posting with you on a different forum on this MB site. She had a baby by the OM also and was recovering in her marriage.)

I think you could both help one another A LOT, away from the message board in personal emailing.

Lemmeesee, where'd I put that can of bullchit repellent? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Cattle prod?

OK, seriously - and I have NO experience with this - it seems on the first occasion you say, "We meant no contact. Please leave us alone." If it continues, you may have to seek a Restraining Order.

Which brings up another issue - I think already raised by someone else here.

Despite your prior informal agreement regarding the OC, you may have to explore a legally binding agreement. This perhaps could also include a provision for NC between the adults. I am not an attorney, please get real advice on this.

WAT

so, are you telling her not to tell to avoid the OM and his BS wanting custody?

Worthatry and I were posting at the same time.LOL

This is the lady and post I was referring to.
I think it would sure be nice if you two could email with one another.
Mary

tigger4jdt
Re: to believer [Re: Trix]
#2966883 - 03/17/06 07:59 AM


She is talking about me, over on P/C board. I am a FWW with an OC that my H and I are raising as our youngest. I usually don't post here, as I don't have the time I used to to go through all the posts and reply so I stick to the P/C board, but I usually come out of the wood work when I see someone who can benifit from my past mistakes. If you go back to the P/C board and read sfjaj's thread, "How do you break the tie"(I think that's the title) you will see that I had been urging her, quite strongly, to come clean with H about both the A and the OC at the same time, and as soon as possible. For a WW with an OC, it's just THAT much harder during the process of revealing the A and her withdrawl from it, especially after the length that this A lasted. I, for one, believe her, and don't believe that she's any type of troll or someone looking to start problems. I've been in very similar shoes as she is in right now, and understand her feelings quite well. Now, I will go back to my little corner of the MB world.

Tigger? I have her email address. I am worried that once the OMW knows the OM will try to reach me and leave her. I don't think the OMW will want anything to do with the OC. If we are going to reveal the A, I think we should also tell her about the OC? Or is that too much all at once?

No,moveforward, not to not tell.
Talking about not telling IN WRITING.
Thought that might be more legal ramifications.

sfjaj, she needs to know about the baby girl.

It depends on her state laws. Since her H is on BC, it could be he would be the only able to request paternity testing. If her H does not want to do so I do not believe OM and the OMW can request paternity. sfjaj, you may want to speak to an attorney. I still stand by OMW does deserve to know.

I think the OMW should know both truths. I know she won't want the OC, and the OM agreed before NC that he shouldn't be involved.I can't imagine he would create that type of havoc

Perhaps we should also consult an attorney...

sfjaj, did you read the note from Tigger.
I pasted it 6 posts above this one.

She sounds like a good friend and someone that could
really help you out with what you are going through.

Her H just might be able to counsel your husband through
emails. What do ya think?

She needs to know....it's a big part of her life that is being kept from her. It IS part of her life...she's married to him....

As for him leaving her, I highly doubt he will...specially once he figures out he has no more chances with you. As for her leaving him, that's up to her. Would you want such a thing kept from you?

As for the request for paternity....xOM rights are NOT usually considered - especially if YOU are married and your husband isn't making a fuss about mija (your DD) being his or not. Call a legal aid hotline. xMM probably doesn't have a toe to balance on, ime.

(notice I put the "x" in front of the MM and OM? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Keep taking your steps on this path...it's hard road at first, but the view from here is unbelievable!)

- Kimmy

I'll predict that there will be unanimous agreement here to do it all in one swell foop. Get all the mess out at once, as soon as possible - when you and your H have POJA'd all of it.

None of us can predict OMW's or OM's reaction. You and H likely can't either. Will one of them seek divorce? Will OM seek you out? Will they have the epiphany and commit to their marriage? Impossible to know.

WAT

Tigger's da bomb! DA BOMB!

I agree, she should know. I will email Tigger, and the idea about the two spouses emailing is very very good. I think we are all fairly lucky in that I don't think any person involved will want to rock the boat for the OC. I think that's one point we would all agree on. But I won't know because I am sticking to NC, sticking to NC, sticking to NC...this is my refrain in the evening, in the morning and in the afternoon...

I think Kimmy is right - depending on your local laws. The legal father is your husband.

I bet the folks over on the Pregnancy board know all this stuff.

Here's a thought - to be absolutely sure about all this - perhaps you should consult an attorney BEFORE sending the NC letter. Don't want to create a new problem unwittingly. I am not suggesting that full disclosure NOT take place - just that it be done correctly to avoid any possible legal problems that we are not fully versed on.

WAT

agreed. Peeps on the p/c board will say the same, most likely xOM has no say as long as H is seen as the legal poppa. sfjaj, there are a couple male BS's who are raising their W's OC as their own. Maybe your H could correspond here with them. Sundog and Pops are the ones that come to mind.

.......and K. A really "old" MBer. He invented the forum right after Al Gore invented the internet. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

He's posted here on GQII recently.

WAT