My husband and I married for four years now. In the first two years of the marriage, he couldn't get enough of me. Now he can't even come when we have sex, not to mention that he is so disinterested now.

Finally he told me that the problem is I don't know how to "contract" to make a man feels good. The way I squeeze is using the lower part of muscle (close to the base) rather than the upper/deeper part. How do I locate the upper part of the muscle? Is it true that women who had births have more controls on their muscles? We don’t have any kids. Even though I have been doing Kegel exercises but since I can't locate the upper part of the muscle I guess the exercises just don't work.

My husband had many sexual experiences before we got married. On the other hand, I am so inexperienced. He also talks about this "squirting" female ejaculation. He believes in all women are capable of having this but he thinks that I have a physiological block in my mind to prevent me having this intense orgasms.

Any thoughts?

Please help!

Welcome to MB, sorry you have to be here, but this is a great place to improve all aspects of you marriage. Hopefully some of the experts will be here shortly to provide you with some great advice to help you through this tough spot in your marriage.

Based on your description I had the following thought, just my .02, but you might want to check into this.

Sounds like he's been to too many porno sites. Does he have a porn addiction? Just something that you might want to check into.

Thanks!!

Your .02 is most definitely correct. He always likes porn (Internet, Magazine, TV…all of them) or just women in general.

What is the difference between someone really like porn and addicts to porn? He would never admit that this is a problem.

He said several of his ex-girlfriends/sex partners had that intense orgasm experience with him and they knew how to contract the right muscles.

Not really sure about addiction except like any other you'll get a fight if you try to keep him from it.

As far as specific muscles, well I've never heard of what you are describing, usually kegels work. Strengthen all muscels in that area and things get better. As far as other partners etc...everyone is an individual and different so who knows.

How old is he? Over 35? if so you might consider he has a problem and not you, but I'm no expert either sooo You might want to post this in GQII where more people will see it and reply.

Exactly!! It took me a while to get over (well not really over) the fact that he loves porn. I also understand that you can't change people, even though he is my spouse. So he is not willing to change, the fight was over a long time ago (he knows that it bothers me).

He said once he is inside of me, he feels like a giant tunnel except the base area. I didn't know a person never have birth before can turn the area down there into a giant tunnel until he said it. I have doubt that's why I want to ask.

He is 46 and I am 37.

Thanks again for your help.