I've been screaming at him all day and now he's coming here. I wish I could drink a bottle of tequila

Iam,

Take a deep breath and relax.

Whe nhe gets there try your darnest to be pleasent and not confrontational.

There are ways to let him know how much you hurt without yelling and LB'ing him. Don't talk about the relationship with him. Try and be as calm as possible.... You can do this ......



Hurting

Thanks hurting. You're always here to hold my hand and help me get through this. I appreciate it so much. I used to be such a strong person but this has broken me.

Not a good idea, it will only get you drunk.

Stay calm, and pray before he gets there.

Lady

thanks lady. I'm praying and he's here now. wish me luck

Oh God......... H E L P!!!

Iam,

Everything will be ok......

Just stay calm...... You will be that strong woman again....

We are here for you......

Hurting

He came and I did as WAT suggested and apologized for how I reacted not what I said. It's very odd having him knock at my door when only a month ago he lived here. He does things, like take out the trash and make sure the dogs have water etc. I don't want him doing them and have told him that I can handle it but he says "I want to". Is this a way of covering his guilt?

My 15 year old broke her 2 week silence and they talked. I went into my bedroom and watched TV to give them some time alone. Next thing I know, he enters my bedroom to talk to me but I politely escorted him back to the kitchen.

Before he left, he sent my daughter in to ask if I needed anything or wanted him to do anything else or did I want to talk to him. I don't like using her as a go between so I went to speak to him myself. In front of my daughter, I told him that no I don't need anything else done and that all I need from him is to find a way to be able to come home with no baggage. I said there really wasn't anything that I needed to talk to him about but that it was nice to see him and good night.

He told me he is taking our daughter out on Sunday afternoon. This will be the first time she has gone anywhere with him since he moved out and I'm wondering how I'll handle it.

Today, on the drive to school, she told me that her friend Lauren's parents are getting a divorce. She then said "divorce sucks, not just OUR divorce, all divorces." It made me sad.

LET HIM do these things and then thank him. BE KIND. This is an opportunity to fill his needs. Don't pass it up. And if wants to come talk to you in the bedroom, let him come! Whenever he comes home, make it as PLEASANT AS POSSIBLE for him so he will want to come back. Don't be rude or ungrateful, be attractive!

Does the house look nice and clean? Did you fix yourself up?

Melody, I'm kind of a stepford wife, or like Bree on Desperate Houswives, at least as far as appearances. I am always dressed nicely and put together. It's just who I am. Don't misunderstand, I'm a levi's and sweater kind of girl but it's always a put together look. Even at the worst times I my life, I make an effort to look nice. That's how I was raised.

The house is as neat and clean as I am physically able to make it. Sadly it's much more clean than when he was living here. I did thank him for taking out the trash but I said I didn't expect him to come here to work. He said he wanted to help and so I thanked him again. Even when I escorted him from the bedroom, it was done kindly. I just wasn't comfortable there with him. It's easier to be in neutral territory and on my feet.

Well, I just hope your hair isn't as FLAT as Bree's, she sorely needs some backcombing and a little Aquanet. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Other than that, it all sounds good. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

But, you don't want to have a "neutral" territory in your home. He should feel warmly welcomed in every room, ESPECIALLY his bedroom! Just the act of escorting him out of his bedroom is a lovebuster.

The idea here is to attract him back and make him WANT to come home. If admiration is one of his needs, look for opportunities to ask for his help in household chores and then PRAISE HIM. If he is being attracted back to you, it will cause conflict in his affair and this is what you WANT.

The OW will get annoyed eventually if he is coming over and helping his wife and will start lovebusting him. She doesnt have benefit of MB and doesn't know how destructive lovebusters are.

So focus on this-------------->ATTRACT, ATTRACT, ATTRACT!

What are his top emotional needs? Do you know? What do you think attracted him to the OW?

Is it neat, clean and inviting?

Answering your last post first, he lays on the couch every time he comes here. Must be inviting.

I understand now what you are sating about attracting him back. I'll remember that.

His important emotional needs, in my opinion, would be admiration, sexual fulfillment, companionship, conversation and family commitment.

I have no idea what attracted him to the ow. Both of my daughters and I met her, before he began his ea, and we thought she was a trampy looking, snobby, b-witch. No idea what the attraction was/is. However he is at work more than he's home so maybe she was filling his needs there.

And on a lighter note, my daughters always tell me my hair is too "pouffy". I take it as a compliment. I maybe a yankee by birth but my hairstyle belongs to Texas lol