My computer was on the fritz.....just got it back from the shop this evening.

I have retained a lawyer (one with tons of great recommendations). The paperwork is horrendous. The saddest thing of all is that I borrowed the money for the retainer from DD. Funny, but sad.

WH is nuts. He writes me emails that he IS seeing OW, and since I will have nothing to do with him, he is going to keep seeing her. He says he is not trying to hide it. But, if I will give him another chance, he will never see her again. (Now where have I heard THAT before?)

I knew I was REALLY READY for Plan D when I met DD at a hospital ER where she was being treated for a needle stick injury at work. She was very upset when she called, so I dropped everything and ran to meet her there at the ER.

She had also called her dad for some consolation, but got little from him. He asked if she wanted him to meet her at the ER, but was told by DD "No. Mom's coming out, so you don't need to."

Well, he showed up so he could "talk" to me. He kept trying to talk me into "just one more chance". I told him I had given him seven chances, and would not give him another.

He "promised" to stop seeing OW, get rid of his mailbox and storage unit if I would give him another chance.

He even said he would live in the garage and that I could treat him like crap if I wanted to. And that we would be real discreet about it so that I wouldn't be embarrassed in front of my friends.

The only thing that came to my mind thru the whole thing was "AND YET I AM UNMOVED."

When I said no more chances, he started to threaten me with financial ruin.

I thought "No. I am protecting myself."

His talk left me "unmoved". It's all I could think all the way home.

"AND YET I AM UNMOVED"

And ever since I woke up the next morning, I have felt great. I guess I had to do this in my own time. This is my decision, and I will not move.

Feels good to know I am strong.

K <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Good Job, K!

Isn't funny how they can promise you the world, one moment, then threaten to ruin you, the next? All in ONE breathe! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> My X threatend suicide. I asked him if that's how he would want me to stay, by trapping me into it.

I came to the conclusion, that we ALL have choices, and if he chose to do that, even after what he had put me thru, then that would be HIS choice. I wasn't going to stay under those pretenses. (That would have been MY slow, agonizing death!)

Anyway, I'm glad you're feeling strong, and UNMOVED!! That's wonderful! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I hope your DD is ok. How scary! Hope is was nothing.

Take Care...Jennifer

Thanks Jennifer.....

DD is okay, but has to take medications to counteract the HIV virus (standard preventative measures) for 1 month. They are "kicking her butt" (making her tired, nauseated, etc).

My unMOVED feelings are, well, unMoved. That feels great.

WH also threatened suicide a few times. But I know he was just trying to manipulate me into doing what he wanted me to do.

The next morning after this meeting, WH called DS and told him that I am crazy, and am acting weird. Yeah, right!!!

I wonder, tho, if I should answer any of his emails. I feel like telling him that there is not point (he wants to cousel with SH now) in his doing any of the things he has promised.

I do not want him back. Indeed, I feel that even if I lost everything, I would still be better off.

UNMOVED.

K <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Forgive my ignorance, K, but when you say counteract the HIV virus, you mean as a preventative of contracting the virus? Sorry she's not feeling good. That has to be rough.

It's funny that your WH is saying it's YOU who's crazy, when his actions are all over the board, right now. He's acting out of desparation. It's like a panic reaction.

Well, stand your ground, K! Even if you lose everything, your loss will be your GAIN!

I think you should change your name to "UnMoved"! It has a ring to it, and it seems to fit well! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Jennifer

PS...Is there any chance you could put a block on your e-mail?

Jennifer.....

I think you have a point!!!

"UnMoved" sounds like a change for the better!!!

Yes, the meds that DD are taking are preventative.

If WH continues to try to get me to talk to him, I will change my phone numbers, and block his email.

The attorney's office has asked me several times if I need protection (a restraining order). I've told them "no" so far......

But I know that WH will blow a gasket when he gets served. And I will get a restraining order if I need to.

I have no desire to see or talk with WH. Let alone be with him. He is all over the boards in his reactions.

Everything he has said to me he has said seven times (the number of chances I've given him) before. I said as much to him last week. I no longer believe anything he says.

The very fact that he is putting conditions on his NC with OW and his promised changes, shows that he has no real desire to stop riding the fence.

Even if he did, I am UnMoved.

K

Yay....K,... (I mean, "UnMoved"!!)

And you're right about the conditions of NC with OW. What kind of last ditched effort is THAT? Was he hoping for the "OMG, I better grab him while I have the chance!" reaction? Just the fact that he could even THINK of trying this as a tactic to win you back, proves that he has truly lost it! Sounds like an ego bubble, to me. And you have just POPPED it, just by being UnMoved! Wow, what an awakening I'll bet he's having!

Well, hopefully he's not the dangerous kind, that you would have to get a R/O. I was scared of what my XH's reaction would be. Turned out, he was ALL TALK! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Well, sounds like you're prepared for anything!! Good for you, and you just continue to be UnMoved! You're doing great!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Jennifer

Good Morning.....

It's so good to have my computer back!!!!!

I was thinking of emailing WH to tell him what I need from him to do the income taxes......

And telling him there is no point in talking to Steve Harley.

After all the money I've put on credit cards for MC, and all WH ever did was lie to them, why throw good money after bad.

I'm not saying all of this (the D) is WH's fault. If I had stuck to my word (Plan B) in the first place, then maybe WH would have come around.

But now, it's too late for that. I really don't want this M anymore. Looking back over our entire M, I can see how I gave up my rights to my opinion, my voice, and my self-worth. I KNOW my part in the demise of my M.

I have allowed my WH to treat me like a second class citizen all these years. And since he started the A, he has treated me and our family and friends horribly. But, no more.

I have grown so much these past couple of years (coming up on D-Day anniversary). If I had followed the advice I have gotten here.....well, things may have turned out differently.

I don't know. All I know is that I no longer love WH. I will always care about him - after all, he's been part of my life for 33 years. But he has killed all the feelings I had for him.

Oh!!! I forgot to mention that during that "talk" in the ER last week, WH expanded the time frame of his A. He said it's been going on for over 5 years. Wonder what the truth really is.......

I wish him well.

I wish the same for me......

UnMoved <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> (formerly K72172) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

praying for you K.....

Thanks Nikko.........

I can use all the prayers I can get. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

UnMoved (formerly K72172)

UnMoved (lol love the new name!)
You sound strong! Sorry its come to this but... I know just how you feel. I've got a theme song for you. I don't know if you listen to country music at all. Jo Dee Mesena (I think) "My give a dam is busted!"

In my thoughts and prayers...its nice to see you posting!

Hello, UnMoved!! I wondered if you were going to change your name, today. I scrolled down the page, and sure enough, there it was, UnMoved!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Good for you! A new day.

I don't think any of us who have divorced, ever expected the D to come along. I wish I would have had a place like this to come, during those years. But, I have a feeling, it still would have ended the same way. We weren't dealing with just infidelity. Alcohol and drugs were a huge part. He had violent tendancies, although he never physically abused me, but I felt like that would eventually be next. He had no patience with the kids. Yes...the love died! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Anyway, I wish you the best, for whatever life has to give you. Hang in there, and take care of yourself, UnMoved!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Jennifer

Hi Confused and Jennifer.....

Likin' the new name!!!!! It really does feel like a new day!

Another theme song...."Jesus loves you, but I don't". The doctor I work for and his wife heard that on the radio....after I had told them how WH keeps saying he prayed, and God relieved (?) his mind on this whole A business.....

My theory is that he got down on his knees and talked to himself, and soothed his conscience. It's the only rational thing that makes sense to me.

WHATEVER!!!!

I do have to email WH to have him send me his business info so that I can do the taxes. Also going to tell him talking to SH is of no use......what's the point? Too little, too late.....

I'm still unmoved...........

K

Hi, UnMoved,

I haven't heard that song, yet. LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />, it sounds like a good one, though!

Who knows "who" or "what" your WS was praying to! Like you said, I'm sure it was just some kind of private moment, to ease his conscience. Hard to say.

Good luck with your e-mail to him. I hope you can get your info. and your messege across all in one shot! That would be difficult.

And yes, we'll always care about our X's, because we do have a history with them and children. But there comes a point when we have to draw the line, and say "Enough is Enough"! It's not an easy thing to do, so I admire your strength. Once we finally show respect for ourselves, then this is when we finally gain the respect of others!

Well, you just continue to be "UnMoved", and the rest will fall into place! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Yep that one works too. I forgot about him praying and praying. Funny how some prayers are answered. Not what he expected I bet.

Don't know if you caught my thread. I am in the process of filling out paperwork to file for D. Enough really is enough!

Saying "enough is enough" seemed like the ONLY thing to do....

I don't know when the love died, but it is not a factor anymore. I'm liking my peace, and piece of mind that comes with it.

Your XH sounds a lot like my WH......except for the drugs. He even threatened suicide (with gun in hand) several times. I know he has been drinking a lot. He did get physical with me once......he shoved me down so hard, I was sure I'd have bruises (I was going to take a picture). But I don't bruise easily.

As far as WH is concerned, I am UnMoved.

Thanks for your support. I hope to be of some help to people here with my experiences.

Thanks, Jennifer

Confused.....

We cross posted. I will look at your thread!

It's a sad end to the road we've been on. But the time comes when you have to respect yourself. Put yourself first - for once.

The paperwork for a D!!!!! I'm supposed to write down everything we have that's worth more than $100.00 After 33 years, do you know how long that's going to take?

Some of the stuff WH has locked up, and I would have to get a lock smith to get in.

I don't care what it costs, I think the D is totally worth it (in my situation, anyway). I have lost hope for my M, but gained tons of self-respect knowing that the line is finally drawn, and I'm the one who drew it.

K

UnMoved, you will be (ARE) of GREAT help and support to others, here. You are an example of courage and strength. What you are doing is NOT easy, by all means! But in the long run, we have our self respect and inner peace, that we, (at least I), never knew existed. And I can say, it's a feeling I don't want to give up so easily!

My X and I are actually friends now. He still had to go thru a whole bunch more crap, after I left. He did five years in prison, and has been out for about a year and a half, now. He's remarried and pretty settled. And after all these years, with the kids grown, he is just now starting to send me money, and trying to help out a little. I think I could get use to this! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Anyway, your messege to others, UnMoved, is that there IS light at the end of that very dark tunnel!

There is one poster in particular, that I'd like to bring to this thread of hope. She's having a difficult time, and I wish she could find some peace. Fear is one of the biggest things that can hold one back.

Take Care...Jennifer

Thanks, Jennifer.....

Seems like you've been down a pretty tough road yourself.

Peace is the hardest thing to come by......but in the end, no matter what happens, reconciliation or D, we all hope to find that peace.

I know I have found mine....it took nearly two years, but I've found my peace, and a new respect for myself. Fear is not in my vocabulary now. I'm not afraid to be alone. I know that I am able to work and support myself.

My future looks pretty bright to me!

It's something I hold very dear to my heart.

I will do what I can to help others.

Kathy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Hey! I'm a Kathy too!!

Here's to "New Beginnings"...**CHEERS**! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Like my Mom always told me, "When one door closes, another one opens!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Confused, are you raising your glass? This includes you, too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />