Believer,

If you were to take WH back you would need to establish new boundaries. Number ONE, you have made a new life because you had to,(Very true) Never give that up! You can however offer to let him come back into your life under your terms. Some one on here has a sig that says I have nothing to lose and everything to gain by fighting/working for my marriage. 1 more chance on your terms, with you in control, trying to get that family team, a winning team I might add, back together. Follow all the Harley rules and it might just work. Give yourself a few days to think it over, calm down a little, let things simmer, after a few days you will know what you should do. Peace believer and God Bless you and may he lead you to the decision that is right for you.

Eagle15 <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

B---i am praying for you.

does he really think moving home...down the street from ow is really gonna fly with you?

believer - don't you DARE let him in the house!!

You are so far ahead of him that he may never catch up.

Once again, more supporting evidence - I'd rather be the BS than the WS any day.

But............but...if believer decided it was prudent to take him back, I would support her in that. I know she is smart enough to know when it is not right.

Believer, I know you have lost all respect for him, and understand completely. I felt nothing but revulsion for my husband after his affair. However, he regained my respect through his subsequent actions.

I am not suggesting anything here, except that I know you are a smart, savvy tough person who has good judgment. No one would fault you if you did decide to move on, but on the other hand, you would get support if you decided to give it a try.

Believer,

What Mel said, either way we will all support you. You have fought the good fight and deserve to be happy.

Thanks for the support everyone. The problem with being a WS is that the BS has to learn to live without you. And the WS takes the chance that that life will be a good one.

This was very painful for me, more pain than anything in my life. But I got through it, and life is good again. If our children were still in the home, I would give it a try. But I can't even find a reason to want to try. I remind myself of some of the WS's in withdrawal.

Of course I agree - my comment was based on giving her support for what is her current decision. If she wanted to entertain a recovery, I'd recommend letting him in the house only thru the back door......

WAT

I figured you would, WAT. Course, none of us would let her take him back unless he passed the MB Council of Approval!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I, for one, really appreciate you and your help in keeping me sane. My prayers are with you. No matter what choices you make, we will be with you all the way. I, for one, know that I continue to respect your advice. I am VERY new here, but I can tell who the really great and caring people are. You are definately at the top. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

C-

The only way I would support B allowing her WS back in is for all of us to line up and spank him as he passes by. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

The deal breaker may have been the your H screwed you over so much financially as well as the pain of the LTA.

My H's big A lasted 4 yrs. We had false recoveries in there where he'd move home. (All pre-MB) It is hard to know exactly how many months in between he stopped all contact with OW...probably not more than 6 months at any time...maybe less. They did the secret cell phone thing and she went through her DV and wanted to secure a generous settlement for herself, which she did. In the four years he was actually living at home more than away. He spent a couple of months in an apartment then home, then 4 months in an apartment, then home, then a couple of months living with OW, then a couple living with another couple/his business partner as he tried to prove his resolve to me. During all this time he supported us. Living with her and her three kids is what finally ended it. He insists to this day that he ended it himself...I had heard that she told others she ended it. I don't know who was trying to save face.

Yes, we were set back some financially due to his A, but not nearly as much as your H pulled. We just did't pay our mortgage off as soon as I had planned...by about 5 yrs.

Your H lived with her 3 yrs and you had hardly any contact with him during that time. I can see how you would have moved on too far to want him back.

I also understand that should he devote enough time to win you back with consistent deliberate actions that you will be free to change your mind.

I support your decision either way. I certainly wouldn't just let him come home without lots of work....nor would I absolutely say you have to even try....I just wouldn't say it won't ever happen. He'd have tons of amends to make.

I think it is so great that you have recovered to the point where you've been happy and self sufficient. You have been a model at what recovery can be. You have been an inspiration to many here.

(((((((((((((BELIEVER))))))))))))))))))

Too little too late, huh?

You know what? I'm glad you are the person you are - and you wouldn't be that person if he hadn't been the jerkwad he is. You're strong, you've courage, and YOU'RE KIND! The very best kind of person, imo.

- Kimmy

what kimmy said!!!!

Just like the Harley's say somewhere, there comes a time where the BS is the biggest threat to the marriage.

No, I'm done with him. But I am satisfied that the affair ended. It was built on the pain of too many others.

Now, back to marriage building. I'm going to do some thinking about how to keep others from losing their love. But I think that how the WS behaves, and for how long makes a difference.

Thank you for hanging around to help us lost folks! I am sure that other appreciate you as much as I do.

C-

Believer,

You DESERVE a good life....At least you know in your heart that you did everything that you could do to make your marriage work...You can live with your conscience...As you see, your WH will not be able to say the same thing.

I hope that you will stay strong in your resolve to not take him back. You deserve someone that will be there for you...I'm proud of you for what you have achieved on your own.

About a month after DDay, when I was going back and forth between deciding if I was done with the M or would work on it, I had a revelation in the middle of the night. It came to me that if I knew that I had truly done everything that I could do to make the M work, than I would be able to leave H and move on. I felt cheated out of the opportunity to fix the problems that were in my marriage because my H did not tell me how unsatisfied he was, and chose to have an A instead of talking to me. We are working on it now, but I still stand by this--if he is putting forth no effort, and I have done my best, I will have a clear conscience about leaving the M...

I wish you all the best in life...

I probably could have done better, but feel that I did my best under the circumstances. I don't regret trying to save the marriage. I'm at peace.

Believer,
Man what a ride!

You can't even MAKE this stuff up.

I have no problem with you NOT taking Hubby back.
NONE!

[However, if you were to have a change of Heart once your emotions settle down ....that'd be OK too].
Hee, he -- as if you needed my blessing, right?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

However,
I do feel bad for you in this respect..........that this OP is going to STILL be your Neighbor. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

YUCK!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Double YUCK on the OW as neighbor sitch.

Strangely enough, I'm not angry with her anymore. I feel sorry for her. She completely abandoned her 12 year old daughter to live with my WH. Now the girl is 15, and her mom has only spent an hour every couple of weeks with her.

I know that OW is going to have a lot of regrets.