Hi everyone,

Several times here I've read of the WS's feeling of "entitlement" that helps justify their actions to themselves and others. The subject really interests me, but I know nothing about it.

Can we open up a discussion on entitlement, please? Definitions, insights, other links on entitlement here and elsewhere, etc.?

From the little I do know about entitlement, I think that my WH feels entitled to do what he's doing, because of my "emotional abuse", and because he's "grieving" over the demise of our marriage, and many other similarly wacky reasons.

The Best I have seen on entitlement I have seen came from Gimble...

-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect.
-An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.

I know it's not exactly what you are asking but it is brilliant

It IS brilliant.

I'm just after any thoughts on this subject, really. After all, I know nothing!

Here's a link someone found too..

http://www.pattishomepage.com/read/entitled.htm

I never, ever, ever once felt "entitled" to have an A.

Never, not once, not ever.

Jen - you do know that makes you an exception right?

That's great, thanks Bigkahuna.

I have to say, this is the first time my husband has acted (and said he is) entitled in his life. And in his skewy mind, that's EXACTLY why he's entitled: because he's never been entitled before.

If I stop and analyze that particular little bit of WS reasoning my head starts to spin...

Hi RT,

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If I stop and analyze that particular little bit of WS reasoning my head starts to spin...
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....another tip from experience and what many here would tell you.... trying to 'make sense' of what a WS says is a waste of 'energy'... although I do believe that a 'grain' of truth is to be found in anything anyone says.....

...in my case.... my WS's justification 'varied' from day to day.... and drove me nuts trying to 'understand' them so that 'changes' could be considered, etc. etc.....

...I eventually learned that I would be better off trying 'not to understand'.....

...many here suggest that energy of BS would be better invested in more productive activities.... one common suggestion, if I am not mistaken, is housecleaning, so that at the end of the day you would have, at least, a clean house....if nothing else.....

...but back to your question..... I believe my WS also has issues of 'entitlement'.... trying to convince me, but more importantly himself, that he has a 'right' to happiness and to a 'soulmate' in his life... which would be fine I guess... were these goals being 'reached' by responsible means....

...in the case of an A that is not so..... the A is based on fantasy, selfishness, lies and at the high price of destroying families.... which I believe is the worse 'foundation' possible for any relationship to be based on.....and the reason I believe WS have difficulty in convincing themselves of the righteousness of their actions... and why a relationship started out as an A is doomed to fail... as is often if not always the case.....

....I have to go now....I didn't have the time to 'edit' my posting.... hope is makes a little bit of sense....

Thanks, Lunamare.

Oh, I know better than to try to make sense of his words at this stage! I stopped many, many months ago. But if I DID try to analyze them... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Entitlement, IMVHO, is a feeling, not a right. I propose it is the subjective "feeling" (as opposed to indisputable fact) of having earned something.

Yep, exactly. And it's what the article says, too.