I didn't realize Johnny was wayward and June was the OW. The scene where he was hanging those pictures made me lose a lot of respect for the man in black.

What - like the drugs and alcohol didn't already do it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Not really, he overcame those. That was the good part of his story. I would have liked to see him drink that yellow prison water though <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Personally, the whole experience for me is about Joaquin Phoenix.

Mmmm... Joaquin...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

This thread reminds me of a post by someone that basically asks "what if the OP is a better match" or a "true soulmate." This is a real example of where the OW seems to have been a better match.

I wanted to reply that it does not matter. The real issue is what about your vows. The marriage should matter more as you have literally "promised" yourself to your partner (what God hath joined together, let no man put asunder?). I guess that I am a bit old fashioned but this sort of stuff really ticks me off. In our society, the commitments of today are becoming the lies of tomorrow. Sad, isn't it?

C-

If you're old fashioned then so am I. I take my wedding vows very seriously and I can't understand how they mean so little to so many people.

I saw this movie and thought it was disappointing. It glorified adultry and minimized the pain the BS's go though.

Boycott anyone??

C-

Upholding vows just for the sake of upholding vows seems like a hollow exercise to me. Marriages (especially in previous generations) are/were not always based on unconditional love and committment -- they are arrangements that are rife with compromise and do not provide a foundation for lifelong growth. Cash's second marriage seems like it was much healthier that his first and I think he should be commended for really making that committment with June.

If we boycotted every movie that exulted adultery, there wouldn't be much left to see, lol!

My WW has said that OM and her were very compatible and that he completed her. This was during the "Fog", but it has caused me to ponder the question. OM & WW share many of the same interest and knowledge because they both work in the same field. That being said when WW & I met we were like two peas in a pod. We had the same likes, dislikes, struggles and views on most everything. So my question would be what is compatibility??? Is it having everything in common? Once we find someone who is compatible will they stay compatible or do we change? I believe there are many people that I could be compatible with. But I choose to find ways to remain compatible with my WW. So isn’t compatibility just another choice we make in M???

Merlin,

My W and I have almost NOTHING in common. We are 180 degree (or polar) opposites. The only thing we shared (until recently) was each other and the love for our DS11. We do enjoy doing things together whether it is something for her or something for m.

We are very compatible.




So I would have to agree with this. Opposites do attract, by the way... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Merlin -- Yes, I think what you say is true. Of course, it's often easier to recognize comptability with someone new than it is do stay compatible with one's spouse. This is the trap that WS's fall into. That being said, I do believe that some people get married who are truly incompatible (as Cash and his first wife, probably) and those marriages may not be worth fighting for.

If compatibility is a choice? Can it be possible for two people who do not feel compatible to work on finding common interest and change toward compatibility???

If a couple is interested in saving their marriage, then yes, I think that this can be done. EN and Love Bank deposits are all about creating love. If you are working with your spouse on his/her emotional needs, then you can improve compatibility within reason.

Say for instance, you W #1 EN is "shopping". You would not choose to go shopping normally but you will do this with and for your W. Then, in this case, compatibility can be improved.

Now say that you REALLY hate shopping (makes me ill!). Well, this could lead to resentment on your part to having to supply this EN to your wife. In this case, compatibility could be made worse.

It is all very individual and sitch specific. I do not think that you can make any blanket statements.

C-

The dictionary definitions talk about being "able to exist without conflict" and "able to have a harmonious relationship; well-suited". I think couples can become lazy about caring for each other and one or the other will begin to question their innate compatibility. But a lot of this comes down to behaviour, which can always be altered. In other words, if there was compatibility to start with, then it should be possible to recreate that feeling of "living in harmony".

eldente,

I have to apologize as I think that we have thread jacked you. This is related/brought up by your original posts, but, if you wish, we can move this to another thread. Just hollar if this is the case!

C-

bronwyn, Well said... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

The film certainly conveyed as much. It depicted the wife as nagging. She didn't support him in his music career early on the film suggests and didn't want to hear about it when he was home from touring afterwards. He once shouted at her, "I got you the cars and the big house, what more do you want??"

She replied, "I want you"

Apparently she just didn't meet his "EN" the way he wanted them met. The various female fans he slept with(according to the film) show it was more about his own "demons" than it was incompatability with his first wife, imho. Then June finally agrees to marry him and hollywood makes this film out to be a love story between the two of them. I guess they were an example of two cheaters who ended up having a happily married ever after kinda ending.

But who am I to judge?


"There's nothing hypocritical about it. There is a spiritual side to me that goes real deep, but I confess right up front that I'm the biggest sinner of them all."

"They don't come knocking on a regular basis. They just kind of hold their distance. I could invite them in: the sex demon, the drug demon. But I don't. They're very sinister. You got to watch 'em. They'll sneak up on you. All of a sudden there'll be a beautiful little Percodan laying there, and you'll want it."

-Johnny Cash

Got2KeepTrying
Compatibility, soul-mate, understands me, just gets it, well-suited, completes me, without conflict and harmonious. This is what nearly all WS have stated at one point or another about the OP. This is what we all want, I believe!!! So that perfect match comes along that meets ALL our wildest dreams of perfect harmony (at least that is what E-Harmonies commercial say!!). They share our same religious views, financial views, child-raising views same education same domestic chores est. est. est.
Could happen!
And the relationship will always stay static?
It will never change?

New jobs, children, financial problems, moving, loss of faith loss of child, loss of parent, different and new expectations est. est. est.

I know that in A and any new relationship we put our very best effort into trying to see the good and the alikeness in the OP. As in M and A, sooner or later reality sets in, life sets in “Things change, people change, THEY ALWAYS DO.

So what are we to do? Keep changing partners until they or we change and then move to the next, the next the next.

I believe it is in the commitment to change ourselves to remain or creat compatiblity with our M partner. The commitment to do the work (and yes it is work) to understand the ever changing needs of our significant other’s. And it does take both people in a R to understand this concept or A & D is usually the end result. What do you think?

I would agree. The difficulty lies not in creating compatibility but in [color:"blue"] MAINTAINING [/color] it. Very few things are static. No relationship is static as that is the nature of a relationship. You relate to your mate as he/she changes over time. They do the same to you (in order to have a successful relationship).

This is really what has happened in my relationship. I got complacent and things changed. The next time I looked up, I am wondering who my wife is having an affair with.

C-

I haven't seen the movie yet. Just last night my WH said he saw it on an airplane and thought it was a "REALLY good movie". Now I'm a little curious, I'm thinking it just gives him justification for A.