Wow thank you to both of you. This information really helps. I have never been in this situation before and while he is doing everything he can to make sure I don't suspect anything like going home right after work and not working overtime, how do I really know that he is not purchasing a calling card to call her. We do spent a lot of time together, weekends and all. That's why I don't think it became physical that way but then again, I am totally in the dark here. I really want to believe that nothing more was going on but my heart tells me different.

Let me say this, I was good at hiding my affairs. But my wife was praying that God would reveal what was going on in my life and God intervened. So obviously things didn't stay hidden. Trust your instincts. A womans intuition is never too far off course.

TRUST YOUR GUT!!!
My WH EA/PA was with a married family friend. I confronted...they denied "we're only friends"...I would accidently find him at her house during the day when I thought he was at work. They always came up with some kind of excuse, I ignored my gut and chose to believe them. We would go out as couples...they would flirt right in front of me and her H...we're just friends! I suppressed my insticts so much I started having panic attacks...it comes out one way or the other.

There is a saying around here...people who have nothing to hide, hide NOTHING. Have you read about plan A yet? Its time to prepare yourself.

The funny thing is that my H and I are always together. Well at least, oh darn it, could it be????? He gets off of work pretty early in the afternoon and I know for a fact that he used to wait for her and they would "walk" to the train station together. This much he admitted. Now he calls me as soon as he's off work and tells me where he is. I noticed of course that he's not using his cell phone to call her but that doesn't mean anything since they work in the same building. He's behaving the total OPPOSITE from what he was before I found out. Could this be a sign of him trying to lie to me and cover up since he changed all of his passwords on the computer or could he genuinely be sorry for what he did. Last night he told me that the passion was gone. After 6 years it's not going to be the same, but he said it was totally gone. And when I asked him last night if he wanted to work on our marriage he said he didn't know, that he was confused. He said that sometimes he wants his freedom to do as he pleases but at the same time he enjoys what we have at home. Basically he wants his cake and he wants to eat it too. Every day I feel myself distancing myself from him more and more especially since I can't get a grip on those phone calls (booty calls).

Oh, DBH, My story (and many many others) is very much like yours. Lemme think about your sitch, and I'll post back.

Thanks Monica was here

Please tell me your story. I am beginning to (sorry for this word) hate this woman and I definitely have different feelings towards my husband who up until this day says he did nothing wrong. He says his anxieties about telling me how he really felt for me drove him to do this. Drove him to call at 12:38 a.m. and speak to her for 25 minutes (booty call) while we were on a weekend getaway and then when they hung up he called 8 times after that. Up until 1:30 a.m. And then he called again at 8:30 a.m. Is this amazing or what? I'm so pissed right now I can't stand it.

DBH,
It sounds like the A is still on. He is giving you all the classic fog babble to deflect attention from his behaviors."The passion is gone" "I don't know if I want to save the marriage." Don't listen to him, don't try to rationalize with him...he is a WS. This is the time for plan A. Take stock in yourself, look inside and be honest with yourself, are you the best wife you could be? Do you see any changes you would like to make to make your home a better place. This is also the time to start really taking notice of his actions. You've confronted him once, he denied and will be more careful. Do not expect the truth from him. Read up on plan A. Get the evidence you need to expose the A. There are red flags waving all over the place.
Don't listen when he tries to turn this all around on you.

Keep posting we will guide you through.

Oh yes. This is just what they say. They are so busy justifying thier actions AND justifying not admitting to those actions...busy...busy...busy. I read somewhere that most men will deny thier A all the way to the end (of life, that is). Unless they see you seeing them with thier pecker in the wrong pock, they'll never admit to ANYTHING...and this is with PAs. With an EA They think if there's no sex = no affair. More justifying...then, when you try to explain to them that they DID do something wrong, they get really hostile.
In my little adventure thus far my H still denies wrongdoing on his part. He can't see why he's not trusted, why I was suicidal for a few, why I'm depressed, why I'm drinking too much...things for which there are perfectly logical reasons. Why, he asks? Because of what he did, and his complete lack of accountability after the fact. That's why. He hurt me with what he did, and still I sit here bleeding while he's right there, hiding the first aid under his coat, not willing to accept that HE DID THIS TO ME. Maybe it's a pride thing. He'd rather sit and watch me bleed to death than to help me, if it means he'll have to accept any kind of blame for my injuries. JUST him accepting that would be a substantial bandage for me...but nooooo.
Ya know, my H didn't even have the benefit of a cell phone during his EA. A cell phone only makes things easier for them, so I'd have to say that under the circumstances, your man is having an A. A BIG ONE. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />
Now, I could be wrong, of course, but I would put money on it being more than EA. So much contact.
I have a clever little name for this:

"The Touching Little Friendship" -lol...tear...

Oh, they talk and they share, and they help eachother soooo much. TOUCHING, isn't it?

We need to focus on gathering. Don't say anything more to him about it. Try to make him think your suspicions have floated away. You probably wont be getting the truth about anything you ask him at this point anyway, so let him think all is well. This way he wont feel the need to take even more evasive action than he already is. Asking him about it will only make him go deeper under cover with her, making it harder for you to GATHER and BUST him. It's hard to try to stay quiet, but the alternative may make you go crazy...

You know Monica you are absolutely right. He says that if there was no sex and he says that he is not attracted to her, then it was not an affair. He says it was only friendship. For the last 3 days I've behaved as normal as I can and he's willingly opened up and talked about how he's feeling. He tells me he no longer feels that he cares for me but is confused because he cares for me deep inside it's just that all thoughtfulness with regards to me is gone. He could care less about the little things that couples do for each other. No surprises, no gifts, could care less about b-days, xmas, Valentine's Day, could care less about all of this stuff. He's never been a sexually active person. Our sex life diminished significantly after 2 years of marriage on his end. He said he simply did not feel like having sex but his problem now is he says that he thought at first that he had a physical problem since he never seemed to get aroused but now he realizes that it's not a physical problem because he gets aroused when he sees other people. Now this "close friendship" that he has with this other girl is even more significant with this new revelation. He has never expressed this to me before, all of this is new to me. I just thought he wasn't crazy about sex. He has said so many things to me in the last 3 weeks that at this point I just want to leave him and start over. If he doesn't love me, doesn't want to make love to me, feels like he doesn't care for me and is just sticking around because of a "moral" obligation and not because he genuinely feels these things for me, then he can GO. When I told him this he says that while he would like to have his freedom back, freedom to talk to whomever he wants to and do what he wants, he says that at this age (late 30's) he is scared of the prospect of being alone and that he knows he will never find someone that loves him the way that I do but at the same time he can't help it if he no longer feels attracted to me sexually or that he no longer cares for me. He is very confused. This leads me to think if he had an affair a while ago and I wasn't aware of it. Hhhmmmmm

He's in the fog. It screws up thier very perception. He can't think straight until his A has ended. All that stuff he's saying about not caring and all, he doesn't mean it. It's all part of the fantasy, probably one of the parts he tries to convince himself of in an attempt to shield himself from guilt. TRIES to convince himself of. Once fog lifts you'll probably find that he never meant it. They will say some very hurtful things. FOG BABBLE. Look for Orchid's reverse babble thread. They try to re-write the history of the marriage when justifying an A. All of this is fog-induced CRAP. As long as he is in contact with that which he is addicted to, he will remain in fog. We need to gather, and EXPOSE EXPOSE EXPOSE. This is what makes affairs die. Just keep reading the boards and the articles, honey, and you'll get through this...with your marriage in tact if you're willing to try. Probably even better than before. I'm here for ya! Just don't take much of anything he says seriously until you can expose his affair to death.