I've been reading and learning a lot in here recently (thanks especially to B0Bpure and Pepperband -- you guys are a real treasure!) and I'm beginning to get a handle on the basic Plan A concepts. I'm doing my best to create a safe and pleasant space for my WH here at home. I stay away from LB's a much as possible (though I must admit that I don't have a 100% clean record on that score, but I'm doing my best) and am trying to treat my WH with nothing but love and respect. But despite all of that, he is still contacting the OW. By her own accounts, she has moved on and is not romantically involved with my H, but he is still calling and emailing her a few times/wk. The last time I confronted him about it was 2 weeks ago. We fought all day about it and then just let it drop. He said he was not ready to cut her out completely from his life and nothing I said would persuade him otherwise.

Since then, I've just been carrying on with my end of Plan A and hoping that eventually he'll be ready for NC. Of course, every time he is late home from work or takes an inordinate time to complete errands, I'm wondering if he's contacting or seeing the OW. I'm trying not to dwell on it, but it's sapping my strength on one level.

So, my question is, should I speak to him again and insist on NC? Or should I wait longer for the fog to lift? And if the latter, how long should I wait? I'm sure there is no absolute answer for this, but I'm just wondering if I'm being a fool for continuing with Plan A when he isn't on board.

bronwyn, yes, you should insist on no contact and explain to him that a marriage can only survive with TWO people, not three. He cannot keep an OW and expect to keep his marriage. Continue to confront him about this, without lovebusters, of course. It is your job to make his affair as uncomfortable as possible.

But there are some things you can do to help bust up this affair. First off, you could expose the affair. Expose to his family, your family, close friends, pastor, etc. If the OW is married, expose to her H.

It might also be helpful if you contact the OW and ask her to stop accepting his calls.

I would give it a few more weeks, but keep insisting that he must get rid of the OW in order to stay in this marriage. A marriage only has room for TWO people. Say this to him over and over again.

The affair has been exposed to everyone except his family (who lives in another country and with whom he has almost no contact). I am very reluctant to contact the OW again, but I will as a last resort. I'm hoping that I can convince him of NC before it gets to that.