I'm back. My Husband went to sign papers on Monday - I think they were settlement papers. Well after he got done I think he is having regrets. So he talked to me and said do I really want this and I said I would like to try to work this out..BUT... you cannot have any contact with her and you need to cut off everything and then we will go from there.

So he agreed and we were talking today and I asked so when is the last time you spoke with her and he said yesterday. I am so mad and hurt. Here he tells me that he is not going to talk to her and he cannot even go four days.

I asked him why he said he needed someone to talk to and I said so you choose her. He said yes. I said why did you need to talk to her, what do you feel good when you talk to her. He said yes, I told him I told you I cannot do this I am not going to be the 2nd woman in your life. He said well, you did not really tell me that you wanted a relationship with me so I am not giving up my friend.

Why won't he just stop for the sake of our marriage and our children.

What do I do - I am so tired and worn out. Do I just go through with the divorce and if he loves me then maybe he will realize what he lost. Do they ever give up the OP?

Help!!! Thanks.

I'm a little confused.

Are you divorced from him now or was some other type of document signed?

Have you made it absolutly clear that NO CONTACT with OW is acceptable if he want a chance at recovery?

BTW: Virtually ALL affairs eventually "break up" most within a year.

Stay Strong!

Yes, they can and often do give up the OP when they decide to work on the marriage, but it often takes a few stumbles before they get it right.

It really is an addiction. So he means it when he says he's going to stop, but then the cravings kick in and grow in intensity as the days go by. He feels good after talking to her because it satisfies his addiction. Don't take it too badly, she's not better or more appealing than you in reality, he's just going through withdrawal and failing to resist the temptation.


Friend . . .hah! What he really means is that he still wants to keep his lover around in case you two don't work out.

Has he agreed to write a no contact letter? Present him with the idea and write it together. If he's unwilling to do it, or makes excuses, you'll see how committed to this he really is.

I am actually in the final stages of my divorce - not divorced yet - we were still working through the financial and other issues. Actually though it could go through any day now - assumming I agree to his settlement proposal.

No he has not agreed to write a NC letter, in fact I have a hard time even getting him to call her and tell her no more contact. I have asked for this several times and he says he'll take care of it. I really wanted to be on the phone with him so I could here her reactions.

I am thinking though she must not really want a relationship with him because he has been avaliable for the past year and they have never moved in together. Actually he has not spend more than a couple of nights over there so I am confused as to what she wants out of this.

I am just so tired of the back and forth and his really needs to make a choice. I am just getting to the point I am almost ready to move on with my life without him.

I think he feels he can come back whenever he wants and I will take him back.

Will he ever realize what he is missing or do some not figure it out till it is really over?

I'm sorry to say this, but if WH woun't let go of the OW you may as well go through with the D.

As long as WH is in contact with OW you stand virtually no chance at recovery. He has to WANT to break it off with OW. If OW breaks it off with him and he comes running to you, you woun't want him back in that state.

I'm afraid that what SUNDOG said about you WH's continuing relationship with OW is right on the mark.



WH's continued relationship with OW IS a choice. I think you'll be better yourself once you can remove the drama of this from your life.



You need to let him know that once this D is final that you may decide that you are better off without him. Sometimes a little reality will blow a lot of the fog away!



It seems to be the nature of some people to not realize what they have until it is too late.

If you can, keep a little ember for your H (not WH)alive. After the D is finalized he may realize what he has done and become repentent.

Keep posting, let us know how things are going. We'll do our best to help you.

Stay Strong!

Talked to him tonight - Wednesday - he had a business meeting and was driving back. Of course which hurts is he drives right by OW house and of course I never know if he stops by or not.

In talking to him he was different happy, laughing and kind of assure of himself. I am thinking - could be wrong - that he stopped by and they had a talk and he said it is not going to work out with my wife so here I am. Whether she bought it or not. It was just weird.

Then he starts asking about the children and his parents are coming up so they can visit on HIS weekend. When the children are out of school for a vacation, etc. Whose weekend it is in April he wants to go to a basegame and all that.

Just a totally different tone and attitude from him before where he was sad and supposively wanted me.

As difficult as it is for me to admit I think it is truly over and he just does not want to be with me and the children as a family. I probably need to move on and go. I guess I need to follow through with the divorce - as much as this breaks my heart - and set myself up in my new life. Maybe after I am completely out of his life on the daily basis and he cannot just stop by for a quick visit reality will hit. Once I am divorced I will be relocating out of the area for my own well being and he will lose the closeness of me and the children and he will truly be alone.

Maybe.....

Just so sad because our children are really young and I never wanted this for them.....