I don't post about my ex much because there isn't much to say. We avoid each others paths and are civil in front of the kids. Today I called to see how DD was as the school called and said she had a rash. XH just lit into me about not being home this past weekend when DS had a scout meeting. This is the FIRST time I've not been there when he's come to get one or both kids. Even times when the only notice I've had that there was a meeting was him pulling in my driveway to pick them up. Many times I've driven the kids to meetings that he was supposed to pick them up and take them to because he called to say he was running late.

I apologized for not calling, we had a really hectic day and the time got away from us. Well he blew up one end and down the other about how horrible a person I was, my whole family was, how I was 10 years ago is how I am now, etc. I have gotten SOOOO good at keeping my calm, smiling when I talk, redirecting questions, anything to diffuse the sitch. He was locked on my butt like a pitbull with lockjaw and I finally said "Always a pleasure, Humperdinck" and after his "Whatever" I said "Goodbye" and hung up.

Wow. Such venom. Such unadulterated hatred. He really sees me as an evil being. It has been five years. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

yes -

my ex is still horribly bitter and angry and terrible and treats me like dirt, if he even acknowledges me.

very bad situation. their anger is so great it's destroying them and they don't even know.

he's left the grocery within the last month because he saw me there (leaving his cart in the aisle full of groceries).

what a mature person.

Hi! We really need to sit down over a cup of coffee and discuss all this, we'd have fun! I can't figure out my ex, he sends me the most nasty hateful emails one day and the next is so nice I wonder if aliens have stolen his brain. And if I ask him if he's over whatever he wrote about, he doesn't have a clue and says i'm making it up. Go figure.

for the life of me, i will never understand it either...my xh can say glowing things about me to others (mutual people we know) and then swear at me five seconds later at the top of his lungs for no apparent reason.

he's up, down, up , down, up, and down...and so on.

Ditto for me.

Ex was the one who had the A. I've moved on, and he's very angry that I've moved on. You think I was the one who was having A! I'm stumped too.

I know...I have moved on. I am happy. love my son. life isn't that bad.

he had the affairS.

and now he's wondering what is up with me? why am I happy? why didn't I ruin my life by jumping outta frying pan into fire like he did? why? I AM HAPPY AND CONTENTED PERIOD.

guess we're supposed to run around in sackcloth...never shower or shave our legs...cry and wail and proclaim to world we shall never love again and swear celibacy for life...at least that is what my xh wants me to do.

he wants me to be as unhappy as he is.

now what did he do? he forwarded me today an invite to a private single's party here in atl. freakazoid wierd.

[color:"green"]I think given the descriptions here that it would be more useful to consider your exes to be narcissistic, abusive, bipolar, or mentally ill.

I've not had the pleasure of an ex that continued this sort of behavior after some time had passed.

My second ex (narcissistic idiot) was the worst. He is at least nice to me to my face now. Problems with our daughter have forced him to be more cooperative because when she refuses to talk to him then he tries to find out what is going on through me. He tells anyone who will listen about my bad behaviors (temper) during our marriage. I'm sure he doesn't include how he disrupted my calm.

My third ex is civil, however he goes around telling people that I had the affair not him... I figure that no one would want to admit an affair so I understand his reasons if not how he lives with himself and all his lies. He was nasty at first, but I just outmaneuver him.

Not being afraid helps.

V. [/color]

I think the common thread beyond the personality deficits is that most of the X's were the ones to leave the marriage, yet they are the ones who have retained their anger.
I am a much different person, and thank god for divorce.
I pray my X can act civilly in front of the kids, but that hasn't happened yet. I can't even sign my kids up for sports because he won't agree to take them (required attendance).
Bizarre. But aren't we all glad we no longer live in that world?

Every day without him infecting it is a blessing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />


No, seriously, I tried to get him to look at his bitterness issue, but he tried to say I was changing the subject to get away from what I did that was so horribly vindictive, called me a lying piece of sh**, blamed my family for raising me this way, etc. Just like 10 years ago. Bet your last penny I'm happier now.

The kids know how he feels about me, and as we were talking last night I tried to give them a little gem of wisdom to keep. I told them that anger hurts the person who is angry, much more than it hurts the person they are angry at. It is better to let go of anger than to stay angry, because you only hurt yourself. My DS is often an angry little guy and I wanted it to sink in with him the most.

Must be timing. There's an angry vibe in the air.

Some woman at Walmart yelled at me in front of my kids.
The clerk ignored my request (3 times) for a gift receipt and when he finished, I politely said something to him. This woman overheard and verbally attacked me for saying anything to him. You know that angry, mean face. She had it. My kids were actually scared, and the little one cried all the way home.
I tried to explain that many people take out their emotions on others, and they should remember that it's not always about them when people act mean. Very weird.

Yes, and it's gotten worse now that I'm planning to remarry, 4 years after separation and 2 years after the divorce. Things had been relatively calm for about a year, but upon meeting my fiancee for the first time, X acted out a scene in front of my kids. And that was after having a week's notice of the meeting. My oldest son kept telling my fiancee not to get the door when X dropped by - he would take care of it. So my kids knew what was coming. That's just one example of X's alienating behavior.

Usually I don't respond to provocations from X, hoping to minimize conflict for both me and the kids, but maybe that's not the best approach. Maybe X now thinks that she can say pretty much anything with no consequences.

[color:"purple"] I can only think of one time my XH actively tried to interfere with my relationship with my hubby, and it was years ago. He called my then-boyfriend up on his cell phone, apparently not knowing that it had caller ID, and tried to anonymously tip him off that I was out at the bar with my 'slut' friend just 'wh*ring around' ... he was out fishing with his best friend, the significant other of the female bartender where we were dancing ... dang it was funny then, and still is. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

We do think that he tells the kids that they don't have to listen to their step-dad. Maybe, maybe not. It could just be common kid stuff. We just started DS in individual and family counseling because of his short temper ... a *quality* that we all seem to share ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> [/color]

But your husband shouldn't be disciplining your kids - that is your job.

Hi newly:


Noticed there are mostly gals on this post - however count wxw as one of those you speak of. She clearly despises me and feels there is nothing wrong with her continued relationship w/married OM/former family friend, etc. Kind of a "rational/delusional" mix that creates a big mess.



Divorce still sucks! I am much better off now; however DD14 is not. Our kids are truly undeserving of this fate.

FR

I won't address the bitter comment other than to say ex refers to the "money he gives me" as if it's out of kindness. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
FR you are absolutely, it's the kids who pay the price.

ex & I are civil, we will cooperate with one another, discuss issues the kids bring to us etc. I guess you could say we are the better side of co-parenting. Still my middle son is seeing his therapist again due to some undesirable behaviors. When my son saw his therapist last ex & I spoke to him after the session. ex was skeptical & surprised when the therapist told him some of these behaviors were due to the uncertainty & insecurity surrounding the divorce. Duh, you think? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

FR, you are right, the kids pay.
I do feel now that being in an emotionally healthy household (OK working toward one) is better than in an unhealthy household. I didn't have a choice - X left and refused to work on M.
X refuses to coparent or even discuss kids issues. So, we are better off than before, although the stress shows on the kids.

He's not my X yet - but, he may as well be..

Many of us ladies seem to "share" the same husband/Xhusband. Possible NPD (or strong tendenacy) Bi-Polar, Serial Cheat, whatever..

I think some of the bitterness stems from seeing "us" grow, change, move on, let go, be kicked like a dog and get up over and over again, whatever... and they are still in the same spot emotionally - unhappy with themselves, life, whatever their excuse was to have an A. Most haven't done a thing to fix their unhappiness, yet we the BS have done something..

Some of us had the strength to reach out for IC where the WS hasn't even admitted "they" could have a problem. We've read books, came to sites like MB to heal, where again, the WS has done nothing. They just continue doing what they have always done - which HELLO - isn't working....

I know the only time my WH seems happy is when I am unhappy. God forbid, I should smile, go out and have a good time,have friends that invite me places. It irritates the crap out of him..the best revenge I can give is to be happy. The only time he's happy is when he's sitting on a bar stool or banging some bimbo in a hotel room..

Hugs and Healing Vibes to those WS that can't see thru the very thick fog of infidelity..

Actually, most have. Most have found new partners.
These are likely unhealthy partnerships, but they can't be alone, and they can create a united "front" about the bad spouse/spouses they left, without looking at their contribution.

Yet, they still seem so unhappy. I had two people (mediator & counselor) note that X was so depressed, so they assumed I left. He left 4 years ago, and he's still depressed? Do something about it - at least for the kids.