Hi--I posted here a whiel back..then all got calm...but now i guess its over....my story in a nutshell is that my H had an A in 2004/2005 did get an apt. but never moved out...then said he wanted to work it out...we did OK last year for a few months until I found an email and text from OW last sept...then it got peaceful again then another text in Dec......there has been other things that have happened...but it is too much to list... WH has often said he wanted this to work and that he would try harder...but then does nothing (I have heard this on MANY occassions)...finally about a month ago I said lets either get help or you have to move out...well he chose to move out...claims he is not in love withme and the most we can ever be is friends...which i am not capable of at this point...we have been together 14 years and married for almost 5...he did talk about moving out ...staying friends...and seeing what happens...but I am not playign that game...does that ever really work?!?!?

I guess now I just need support....I know he is not worht it and that I deserve so much better...but I do really love him b/c he can really be wonderful....how do you get through the pain...and I have a beautiful 3 year old little girl whom I am just so worried about....

Does the pain ever stop....

How do I get past the anger that he gets to move out and have the "easy: life doing and seeing whomever he watns meanwhiel I have rality to deal with....

How od you ever trust again.....

It frustrates me that he keeps repeating that we are not "In Love" anymore...well in 3 years we have dealt with cheating, lying, a marriage, a new house, a new baby, taking care of his dying father and a bunch of stressful crap from my since disowned family...to top this all off we have NO other family so we are completely alone..so we have had no time in 3 years to even be a couple it has just been crap after crap....how can he not see that?!?!?!? We have spent no time together as a couple and have had no fun...

AAAGHHH sorry this is so long...just neede to vent! Thank you so much for listening and if anyone has advice I am all ears!!!!

Jill

Jill,

It is a long process of getting over anger, hurt, trust. I am in still dealing with all of it but it gets better over time. I think the worst is what you described above, him out having a great time while you are home suffering. They don't have a clue of the amount of pain they inflict.

The things he tells you - all fog talk. Very, very typical of a WS.

This I can promise you... Your little girl will be fine. Love her more than ever... Cuddle up next to her and read her stories, play silly games, chase her around the house. She will be fine.

There is no magical cure for the pain you are feeling. It takes time, effort, new hobbies, old friends, new friends, counseling, and educate yourself on everything you are feeling. Start reading lots of books on the subject.

Sorry you are hurting. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Keith

I agree with BHINWI, your little girl will be fine, and you have an opportunity to share all those once in a life moments with her alone. Enjoy her joy in the world and it will help to make the sadness and anger easier to bear. I have a 4 year old GD, and lately the time we spend together is the only time I can still believe in unconditional love and acceptance.

Hi Jill, sorry you have had to go through all of this. The "not in love" speech is one that most of us have heard many times. It sounds like your H never really stopped the A. I have also heard the "staying friends" stuff before, and that is probably to ease some of the guilt. I think all WS know deep inside that they are doing wrong, they just don't care. They will do and say many things to ease their guilty conscience.

It is probably typical of us BSs' to feel that our WSs' or XSs' are having a great life without us. They may even believe it themselves. But, the problems that led them down this path will resurface and they will be miserable again. Somewhere in that misery, will be the realization of what they threw away, and of who they hurt, and this will be torture for them. You can sleep at night knowing that you did all you could, gave every opportunity to make the M work, and they rejected it. They don't have that luxury.

The pain will end with time, and you will love and trust again. Take good care of your DD.