I have been struggling with whether or not to expose the A to the OW parents for well, over a month now. There are obviously quite a few opinions here. Some say your marital covenant is not with the OW so her parents don't matter, but if she had a spouse I know some would expose to the OW spouse. She doesn't have a spouse, so I feel that her parents would have a vested interest in her well-being. (She is attending college with my husband and was raised in a Christian home.)
The first week (1/29) we were between Plan A and B (he started staying with his parents, but still talking) I mentioned this and my husband didn't think it was necessary. Week 2, he got her parents address and mentioned it again. (Little did I know the A started again week 2 after one week of "going out of his way to avoid her.") Week 4 (2/19) I told him he needed to break it off or I would be exposing to his parents and her parents via mail. I also prepared my Plan B letter. He didn't break it off. I spoke with his mother. They are being very supportive and I continue to see them at church. I gave him the letter and emphasized that this was the last opportunity we would have to talk. We talked for 5 hours. Part of him wants to stay, part of him has convinced himself that it will never be better. The other part wants to be a bachelor and I imagine the other part is still with her and is now staying in his college town. I know that she is going to stop at nothing and if his future is not with me, it will be with her. Those are his alternatives. During this conversation he asked again about the letter I was going to write to her parents. I said I wasn't because on 2/15 I received a cease & desist letter from her saying she wanted no contact with me and I didn't want to get involved with her legal pursuit, even though I didn't believe that she would have any grounds for "malicious harassment." He told her that she didn't and that nothing I was doing was intended to be threatening and tried to explain it from my point of view. It was interesting to hear how he tries to protect each of us from the other and neither of us like it.
Anywhoos... my question... I have been praying about this a lot and today felt the need to pursue the letter to her parents. I have typed it up and would like anyone's opinion. I have also enclosed my "evidence" of their A – copies of phone records, an email from DH to his friend re: a night they had together, profiles of him and her from a college page, her picture is of them together, her myspace account with their picture together, and her "first blog" discussing girls that go after other people's men and how wrong it is (quite ironic...)
So, I know this has been very long. For those of you who are still with me or have even skimmed through I appreciate your patience. Following is the letter. Please copy any comments to my email address as I am unable to respond to posts (I think because I am on a mac)
deckers78@yahoo.com Thank you!!!
Dear xxx,
I am writting to inform you that your daughter, xxx has been romantically involved with my husband, xxx on-and-off again since xxx 200x. Each time they get back together, their relationship reaches a new level and there are no more levels in which to attain. I understand that your daughter has a Christian background and I’m confused as to why she would get involved with a married man. As a fellow Christian, I’m also concerned about her relationship with God and pray for them both daily.
Admittedly, my relationship with my husband has gone through many trials and perhaps this is a trial that not many relationships survive, but it is my hope and prayer that we will be able to reconcile and restore our relationship. I truly love my husband with all my heart and forgive him for everything that has happened. If it is within your power, I would ask that you exercise any influence you may have.
If you have any further questions, please feel free to contact me at (xxx) xxx-xxxx.
Respectfully,
SBD
