I kicked my husband out tonight...

2 years ago, my husband of 13 years admitted to me that 2 years prior to that he had cheated on me. Long story short, we went to counseling & were "working on our marriage." I caught him cheating again & we separated.

After being separated 6 weeks we started planning a reconciliation. I found out during that time that he had fathered a child with her. We went ahead & got back together & worked towards visitation. I love his son, we have a great relationship, as strange or as hard as that relationship started.

Skip ahead 2 years and a TON of hard work, after trying to get pregnant for a long time (we tried for quite a while before I found out about the affair--obviously we took a break during the problem times) and thinking it would never happen, I got pregnant. Our marriage suffered during the pregnancy. He told me he "felt trapped", one time it took him 2 hours to take his son home (it's a 15 minute ride each way) he strolled in after midnight, he almost left because "he wasn't sure he wanted to be with me", he talked to her for 45 minute stretches at a time on his way home or his way to pick up his son.

I had my baby Feb 1st. I was looking at my cell phone bill from last month, which was HUGE. He racked up 410 minutes to her. We had discussed that he wouldn't make such long phone calls & would limit them to topics about his son. I packed a bag for him & made arrangements for him to stay at his mom's tonight.

I'm really upset right now. I know that this is a compilation of many humiliations. But it hurts. I know this sounds stupid. He has changed quite a bit right before my son was born & has been a great dad & husband since then. I haven't listed the good things he's done, but I don't want to go through this again. I don't want to raise my son alone. I don't want to sleep alone tonight. But I don't want my husband think it's ok to do whatever he wants also. Please help. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Hi. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I wish I had some great advice for you but unfortunately I don't. I know it is hard to sleep alone and make someone leave that you want so badly to stay. Sometimes though you have to be tough and show him that it IS NOT ok. This doesn't mean that you have to end your marriage but sometimes it is (in my opinion) better for him to know not to take you for granted. Be strong for yourself and your son and you will know when the right time is to take him back, or to not take him back at all.

I completely agree with you, the long phone calls should definately stop. Does he pick his son up at her house? Maybe it would be better if she dropped the kid off at his mom's house and then he went there to pick him up so that they didn't have to see each other. That won't stop the excessive conversations but it might put some distance between them which is a start.

Everyone here is very supportive and please feel free to post your feelings whenever you need to!

Is your H already paying CS to this OW thru the courts? If not you need to file for a temp separation and file for CS yourself, otherwise you might get screwed in the end and get very little support. You said it's been a couple of years so the chance is high your H is paying CS. I just wanted to warn you just in case.

It sounds like he hasn't ended things completely with her. It was very deceptive of him to get back with you and have a child with you if he wasn't certain that was what he wanted.

There are others here that have been thru your situation that can provide some great advice. Sometimes the board can be slow, so be patient. They will come.

I can't write everything I would like, I've been busy today...I just wanted you to know how sorry I am...I will get back, but until then I will be sure to keep you in my prayers.

CNM - If you'll read through the Welcome to the Pregnancy/Child that I just bumped up, you will find great information and resources to turn to.

Pay particular attention to Plan A & Plan B.

I'm so sorry you have to be here in the first place.

If you can spare the money, PLEASE give the Marriage Builder counselors a call, even if it's just a one-time call to point you in the right direction. I've only heard good things about them.

I'm so sorry for your pain.
Be gentle with yourself,
J

My husband called me & begged to come home. We talked. He swears that nothing is going on. He says he didn't realize that he'd talked that much, blah blah blah. Said all the things that I of course wanted to hear. As much as I hate myself for not being sure I believe him & letting him come back home, I have a 1-month old infant & I'm not able to take care of him myself.

So he's back home. I really want things to work out. I may be deluding myself.

PS My husband is paying cs through the courts. We have 20% visitation.

Confused

Please read through the Welcome post I bumped up.

Although I certainly understand you letting him come back home, he's feeding you full of B.S. about not knowing he talked that long - - - blah, blah, blah.

You need to be prepared with what to do when the S hits the fan again, ie Plan A and B.

And most of all - - take care of yourself first.