lost,

I was in your shoes 8 months ago.

After i found out about the A and my WH moved out and in with the OW I thought I would die. I really wanted to and I thought of ways to do it. I was so close believe me I know how you are feeling.

The pain is something I can't describe as we all know. But on th day I thought I would do it , my DS(15) looked at me and said " Mom, I love you so much, please promise you'll never leave me like dad did."

Lost that was the words that woke me up. My child needed me and I could not let him down like his dad did. His world was shattered. Hs father the man he idolized the most in the world and done the unspeakable and walked away from him and our family. I knew then i had to stay around for my children and get strong for them. They needed me to take care of them and love them with all I had.

When I look at my sons face I can not imagine not being here for him. I also realized that he would never fogive me for leaving him. I knew that leaving him would leave him in the hands of a man who left us with no feelings except for his own entitlement.

I will tell you now as hard as this has been I thank God everyday that I didn't end my life. My children and grandchildren are the lights of my life.

And believe it or not I have gotten so very much stronger and independant and somewhat happy now. The pain has diminished so much , I can laugh again and listen to music and so many other things. I leave the house now and go places and do things.

I still miss my H and still would love to save my marriage but I know that no matter how this turns out I will survive and be just fine. I am doing it now.

So if nothing else I can promise you it will get better and the pain will lessen. Just take it one day at a time. Don't worry about yesterday or tomorrow just take care of today.

Prayers to you,

Hurting

Murder, Hah!

A friend told me about the Biblical curse you can pray for.

Believe me, when God says "vengeance is MINE", and you believe and trust in it --- that is very comforting and satisfying.

And you do not even have to know what happened. Just trust God!

Lost - I will pray for you!

G'night.
far

Good post Hurting. Very good.

LT, r u reading this?

L.

Orchid,

Thanks my friend.....

Lost please believe me it does get better.... You can do this I promise.....


Hurting

Prayers for you tonight losttiger.

Kathy

ok

my son, my sweet son. He is 9 and already thinks he knows everything. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> He is so smart, in the gifted program at school, his mind is always so full of questions and is always going a mile a minute. He has my emotional side though and is very sensitive. Which makes him to acutely aware that something is wrong with his parents. He will react badly, how do i know, he reacts just like me.

my beautiful daughter 6. From the day she was born she loves to cuddle and be on my lap every chance she gets. She writes me cards and tells me that she loves me. she also has a firey side to her...stubborn! Again just like me. I always tell her that i can out stubborn her, i am the pro.

i dont go a day without telling them how much i love them, and i am so proud of them. I want them to grow to be strong and now i am ruining their life.

they had to see me go thru panic attacts when i found out about my fathers cancer...
they have to see a mother who fights depression everyday
they have to grow up faster than they should and face adult problems when they should just live.
and now they have to see their parents, their stability, fall away
what kind of kids will they be when their parents are separated, watching their mom fall into that depression again

when i found out the first time about my H i spent so many days on my bed staring out the window...i dont know where the days went
i told my kids that i wasnt feeling well...my stomach hurt (which wasnt a lie again the infidelity diet at work)

i cant face doing that to them again...

I should probably divorce
i just am not strong enough to do it
so what is my option....

I'm clocking out from the other side of Orchid's big blue. Any more I'm hardly ever up this late, but AJ got called in to work today for a weird shift, and called to wake me up to check the storm that's coming in. It's going to start raining any minute. And so I'm still awake.

I'll check in in the morning, well later in the morning. Please listen to the very wise people who have shared with you this evening. Take their word for it and don't do anything hasty, whether good or bad. Take your time and keep chatting.

Prayers,
Neak

Thank you for sharing about your lovely chlidren. Seems they are a lot like you. For that reason and many others.....you must be there t/b their support since they have been good support 4 u.

Now if you leave them as orphans..... where's your gratitude for their love and support? Talk about hurting them again....that will leave scars for life.

No, a D is hard but as a family you will survive..... stick together as a family.

You know what you will learn is that you and your family are waaay better than to settle for a WS. You haven't reached this point yet but during the stages of grieiving a BS will go through your feelings but around the corner is anger....when you get that, you w/b super angry at what the WS has really put you and your children through. At that time, nothing will stop you from protecting your children.

Now if you are going t/b headed in that direction....and you are.....why give up now? It is a just a matter of when your mind and heart sync up and you, you realize that the WS ain't worth you giving up something precious, something invaluable.

take care,
L.

Lost,

Sounds like you have to wonderful children who need you.

Yes, I am sure them seeing you depressed or having panic attacks scare them and they don't understand.

But can you imagine how they would be if you left them forever. As hard as this is at least they still have you to give them the love and hugs they need.

They need you Lost and you leaving them would only devestate them more. How can anyone explain to them why ?

As I think back on my darkest days and suicide thoughts I tried so hard to convince myself the kids would be better off that they would not have to watch me fall apart daily.

But as time passed I realized me doing that would cause them more pain than my WH leaving them ever did. Also as much as I loved my husband and still do no one and i mean no one on this earth is worth dying over. Well except for maybe my children.

For now you are the only one they have they can count on. Your WH is in the fog and has nothing on his mind but his own selfish pleasures.

Your kids need you Lost please don't let them down..... In the end it will be the best descion you will ever make....


Hurting

One last little comment. We have a beautiful woman in our church, with two children. She has been separated from her adulterous husband five years or more. He hasn't wanted to get a divorce ( <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> ) and she never felt any urgency about it. She has moved on with her life, never divorcing, never looking for or finding anyone else, just nurturing and caring for her children and blessing those around her with her sweetness and grace.

There is no law that says you have to get a divorce even if you don't want to reconcile. I seriously doubt our friend would take her husband back under most circumstances, but she is just happily going about her life, just her and the kids. If she ever wants to, all she has to do is file.

Same for you. There is no hurry. You must separate from the infidels, their pain and chaos, but there is nothing to say that you have to proceed with a divorce before you are good and ready. As long as your assets and your children are protected, that is all that really matters, not a piece of paper saying you are a single woman again.

how can i hack into the account...problem is that he will delete everything first thing tomorrow morning

Let's say, we can't help you tonight, hack into his account. Have you been reading anything we have been posting?

L.

yes

i know , i know, if it was me giving the advice i would be saying the same thing.

H and i are at a stalemate....told him to give me the password...he said if he does he will leave

hes packing

So I assume this means he is giving you he password if he is packing?

Don't let him scare you into backing off. This is your marriage your fighting for....

Don't let him intimidate you, get strong and stand up for whats right.....

WS'S will babble all kinds of nonsense to get you to back off and keep their dirty little secret.....

If he is packing over a password, he must be in deep doo doo. Can't you smell the stench?!?!??!

Ok, tell him he stinks. No accusations, just atate that something about him smells. Don't explain. Let him wonder where the BO is coming from .

Let him go, LT. Get the WS out of your house. Make your home safe from the WS. Be on the lookout for your H.

Realize, he may have been goading you into this anger phase so he can blame you for kicking him out. Do NOT take responsiblity for this stupid decision.

Let your cihldren know that their dad, is chosing other people over his family. No deep explanations, let them know that you and them are a family and must stick together.

Cry over your H NOT the Ws. It is the WS who is in your midst and soon you will find relief that he is gone.

Don't let him bully you. WS' aren't worth crying over.

Hugz,
L.

LT,

I gotta get some beauty sleep...... it's a must do not an option. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Check back with you tomorrow ok? Maybe after I get back from work, so keep posting. ok? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Keep us posted...... remember it is easier for the BS and family to survive than the WS. WS' aren't meant to survive..... but your H is.

Keep working on getting your mind and heart in sync. Learn to reverse babble and be on the lookout for an escaped H wanting to come home. Make sure he leaves that no good WS out there. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

i got into my husbands account because i was the main account on our computer---called aol and asked for them to let me in...since i was the primary they did....man was he pissed. reset the password and he was then locked out---

lost....talk to us. we have all been there. we know the pain and feelings of despair.....

am able to change the password to look at the account...H now admits that it is an EA. Tries to say that it is nothing else and will never be anything else...Riiiggghhhtt

I am afraid to look.

I want to know, but i guess that deep down if i look it will be over for good with my H and i

if i dont look it will be gone in an hour when he gets to work to delete it....

It's not over, no matter what you find. Thousands of marriages have recovered from the same or worse.

If you can get in, you might want to print out copies asap and put them in a safe place, such as your mom's house or a safety deposit box. And if it's too late for right now, just keep an eye on it.