Ah I see it now.

Yes, bad news and trouble.

BTW I forgot to mention but I was disappointed that WW chose to go ahead and play golf. If the roles had been reversed, I would chosen not to play and stayed home with my family. She did call from the course and said I just had enough time to make the tee off. By that time there was no way I was going to disappoint DD2. I declined and explained why. if I had been in her place, I would have come home. She didn't. I am not angry about that but it is disappointing - especially considering the fact that she had already played in the morning. She is obsessing about golf again. this is not the first time.


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The girl, tired of her boring and mundane black-and-white life, one day gets caught up in a torment of emotion and is carried away to a wonderful, colorful and magical place full of danger and excitement. She is convinced the man can fulfill her every need and desire. He is larger than life. She risks everything – life and limb – to be with the man of her dreams. But once she sees him for what he really is, she knows he cannot meet her needs and never could have. Everything she had believed on this mystical adventure was based on a lie. What she really wanted had been in front of her all the time but she did not recognize it or appreciate it. She had always taken it for granted and now needed a way to try to get back to it.


So she clicked her ruby slippers together and said – "There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home."


I can't even enjoy the Wizard of Oz any more. It is the anatomy of an affair.

"Good grief Daggi - why have you not been posting on MY thread??? I feel like I am hearing two different Daggi's.

Good for you. Thanks for the words of encouragement."

hi Traic,

thought it would be better to reply to above statement on your thread <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />. Sorry i didnt realize that you were still trying to find answers to WS's behaviors yourself. Guess i was a bit naive to believe once people are in recovery (what i thought you were in) that i couldnt be much help as i have no experience in that.

I am very glad that i was able to help you too for a change <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

And maybe one more thing... you said you were disappointed by your WW that she chose to play gold instead of coming home to be with the family. When i was a WW, i didnt think at all about things like this. It was all about me and what made me happy, even at the costs of the children. They could tell you a thing or two about how i was back then. And i was the only one that they had, since my Husband had left to come here to Kuwait. I was physically there, but in all sense of what a parent is, my children had no parents. I am still coming to terms with this, and have talked with my children many times about this. My kids are both wonderful people and even though i have caused them so much pain back then, they still love me, and i am so very grateful for that.

Well Daggi,

Welcome to my thread and thanks for coming. WW and I are not yet into recovery. WW is still into withdrawal although I believe she is maintaining NC. I think she is confused. I don't think we are currently in any particular crisis. I have a few threads here. If you are ever interested in my story, you can have a read at

first thread

second thread

third thread

fourth thread

I hope I did that right. Since there is not much good TV in Kuwait, this might be fun for you to read.

Anyway, thanks again for posting here. You have changed so much in the past couple of weeks. It is amazing to see how much better you are doing. I am happy for you.

thank you for the warm welcome <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

i will be sure to read your threads, as i have no reception in this apartment... no cable.. no antenna and no sat dish...lol

And well, i am still struggling, dont get me wrong, things dont happen overnight, but i think my mindset has changed and still is.

How long have you been in NC? My husband made me go into no NC pretty much in the beginning and i went through ******. After 3 months of it i wasnt getting better (could also be because i did call him once during that time, which was disappointing to me though) and in the end i blackmailed my husband into letting me keep him as a "friend" ~sigh~

Well at least you get "music" 6 times a day. Same song every time though.

WW broke NC at least four times. Last phone call was January 26th AFAIK. I think she may be over the worst of the withdrawal.

LOL... i had to laugh at the "music" comment, we got a "tower" basically right next to us. lol At least i always know what time it is <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Glad to hear that NC has been kept. Guess it will get easier with time, there is really not much that i can say to it, since i basically seperated myself from OM. But i know it must be very hard for you to see your wife in withdrawal over another man, i know it was very very hard on my husband, even though he never showed it to me back then. But he has told me that a couple months ago. Back then it was no big deal to me, i actually expected my friend (husband) to be there for me during this withdrawal, since he was the one that caused all of that... Talk about warped way of thinking... geez... i still cant believe that was really me doing all of that.

Well at least we both now have some insight as to how the other half lives. Some days I get by okay and others it rips me apart inside that I am caring for someone who loves a swimming instructor and wishes for anything to be with him. It would be so easy for me to send her own her way but it is my responsibility to keep her from ruining her life. I just hate that. Why can't I be irresponsible? That is whyI can appreciate what your husband is going through - part of me wants to do exactly what he is doing - but the other part of me won't allow it. Your husband and I are both about in the middle of the seesaw. He is just slightly to the left of the middle and I am slightly to the right but we are not that far apart. I do feel for him. It is really hard.

It is? This is a huge burden for you to undertake. You don't really mean this do you?

Yes and no. Please try not to take it out of context. There is a difference between what is really my responsibility and what sometimes I FEEL my responsibility is. Also try to keep this within the context of what I was trying to explain to Daggi. We agree that, at least at first, the sole responsibility to R falls on the head of the BS. That is a lot of responsibility to do something that you are not even always interested in doing (i.e. the rollercoaster). No. Her life is her responsibility. I know that. But then place it in the context of treating the WW like a drug addict. If your DS is on drugs, do you write him off and say good luck? No you don't. You do your best for him because you love him. My responsibility for WW stems from the love I have for her. Anyway, we have covered this ground before. I hope you understand my meaning.

i guess no matter what road you take, it is a rough road to travel, guess as strange as it sounds, it would be better if your wife was at the point where i am at, and if my husband would be at the point where you are at and vice versa.
I do feel kind of like you Traic, i cant leave my husband either like it is now. We made vows on your wedding day, yes i broken them before, and i probably have even before my EA. But all of this has made me change, and i do value my vows and my marriage. And the fact is, i am still married and as long as i am, i will do my best to fulfill those vows, no matter what.
If i am not willing to do that anymore, then i need to get a divorce. Isnt this what marriage is all about?

Yes Daggi, that is what it is all about.

Traicionado,

Why the relationship talk? Why did you have to talk to her about NC? What did you gain?

Why the disappointment because she went to play golf? Because you have expectations about her behaviour....

Daggi,


I don't know why this bothers me. Not that you thought that - it just bothers me. I sometimes have wondered is gemela doesn't think the same thing. It just bothers me.

cc46,

I don't think we had any relationship talk. I don't know why I asked about NC. It seemed innocent enough at the time. I don't think she was offended by it in the least. Every once in a while I ask her casually if she is still NC so this was nothing new. The meeting with the woman bothers me because I think she is evil.

The golf did not upset me. I was not angry about it - just an observation and disappointment because it is yet one more reminder of where I find myself.

I remember that I have no relationship with WW and I honestly have no expectation that I ever will again. If it happens, it happens. If not, eventually we go our separate ways. Simple as that.

well, i was very deep in withdrawal, was constantly moping around and crying because of OM, Husband was always there comforting me, and i didnt feel bad when he did. I should have, but i was still in the fog and all i felt at that time was the withdrawal. Of course now i think differently about that. I am sure your wife is further than i was back then. I can understand why it bothers you, i understand it really. Because it shouldnt be that way. Its as simple as that. But then an Affair shouldnt happen either, its all the same thinking process... or should i say no thinking involved at all. Its an ego-trip and it takes a while to get off that trip and open your eyes... unfortunately <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Okay Daggi, as long as I can continue to not be happy about that, I am okay. It is not fair. But, as I said way early on, life is not meant to be fair. I feel like reciting the three-legged dog theory again but I don't want to get into another argument with cc46! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

(She is already mad at me for my post). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I'm sorry Traicionado. You are still trying to control the situation. That does not help Gemela. It specially doesn't help you.

I will try to find a case in one of the books where it is explained how a person can get divorced and because they didn't understand what was wrong, they will marry and be back in exactly the same situation in a short time, wantig a divorce again. It's not the others, it's ourselves!

I'm sorry I haven't been able to help you.

What am I doing to try to control the situation? What did I do wrong. Please help.

BTW, I owe you an apology. I just went back to the first thread and now realize my argument was with lealas and not you. I was sure it was you. I don't know how I got that wrong. Anyway, I am sorry. My mistake.

If you are saying I am trying to control the situation by asking her not to talk to evil woman (EW), that doesn't seem like such a big thing to me. They aren't friends anyway. EW is a potential direct link to OM which is a potential opportunity to break NC. I am not restricting WW from calling OM. She has the opportunity and resources to do it. I do ask WW to maintain NC because it is so imprtant to ending the A AFAIK. How am I controlling? I am lost on this one.