Traic, it sounds like you are giving up on yourself. Are you frustrated with yourself? With the situation? Where are those feelings coming from?

Dont loose yourself, think back to the reasons why you decided to do all of this.

Traicionado. I have to congratulate you! Telling Gemela what you were afraid of, IMHO, WAS EXACTLY THE THING TO DO!!!!!!!!!

See, much better than just asking her if she had contacted OM. Tell her what you feel!


I hope today is a better day. I think you need a larger dose of NATURE, (not golf). Really. Do something nature relatd, feel the wind, wallow in the sand I don't know...

I have the river (nearly sea) near me so when I feel really down I just go there and feel the sun, listen to the waves..

cc46,

Well...er....okay...not exactly the whacking I was afraid I was going to get. Wallow in the sand? Scorpions and sand vipers. Gemela suggested this morning that we go to Bahrain for a weekend and just hang out in the hotel by the pool, drink beer, relax. No shopping. Nothing stressful. I think that is what we will do. I told her yes.

Careful, you are narrowing down your countries. I have you by timezone, language, size of country and, now, water. Only really leaves one.

Daggi,

I'm fine. Really. Thanks for checking on me. I don't think gemela wants to end the M right now. If she did, I would. Since she wants to keep going, I'll get my strength back.

Orchid,

I don't recognize this Daggi. There was another Daggi that posted a few weeks ago. She was a very different person. I like this Daggi better.

Do something that you will enjoy!

Don't keep trying to PLEASE GEMELA, if it goes against what YOU need and want. After all, just like you don't NEED her to be happy, she shouldn't NEED you! You should try to get where you WANT to do things to make her happy with no conditions attached.

You are getting cryptic again. Maybe you need to try Spanish. I have always wanted to make her happy - no conditions attached. I never wanted anything for myself - not in all the years of the marriage.

Traic, you sound so much like my husband back then, you have an incredible love for your wife, and i know you two will look back at all of this in a few years from now, and will be very happy and grateful for your marriage.

{{{{{{Traicionado}}}}}}

T, no puedes HACERLA feliz, solo puedes ser feliz CON ELLA. Por lo tanto lo importante es que TU SEAS feliz.

Cuando tu supones saber lo que la hace feliz, muchas veces estaras equivocado. Por eso es mucho mas sano que le preguntes... Que hables, que le digas lo que sientes, y lo ideal seria que ella hiciera lo mismo.

vuelvo luego. vamos mejor?

Traic,

" I have always wanted to make her happy - no conditions attached. I never wanted anything for myself - not in all the years of the marriage."

What is fundamentally wrong with this picture?

LA

I give up.

Oh, good, LA is on the case.

How are you doing, believer? I hope all is well.

All good here. How are you and Gemela? I REALLY, REALLY hope the LovingAnyway comes back to post. I've learned so much from her.

I think my later posts on the "shoe" thread pretty well sum things up.

Last night we played under the lights in a shotgun start. Got babysitting for DDs. Course closed this week to carts for maintenance so we got caddies and walked. It was the best night I have had in maybe two years with gemela. It couldn't have been any better. We walked, held hands, talked. I played out of my head. She played horribly and still had a good time. Weather was perfect except that I had a 20 kmh head wind on every single shot. I don't know how the wind knows to do that to me but it does. It was just fun to be together without any worries.

It's good to spend time alone without the girls. I know the two of you are good parents, but solo time is important.

:::jumping on Traic's case, 'cuz believer told me to:::

Why didn't I see an answer to my question? I asked something similar before...

Did you find it disrespectful?

I wouldn't term it fundamental if it wasn't a universal truth...

Tell me, Traic...are we all equal on this planet? Made whole and complete...equally lovable, respectable...not defective?

Let me know so I can get on THE case and get off yours.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

LA

According to the founding fathers of the United States, I think they decided "all MEN are created equal" and I think they had determined that it was "self-evident". Seriously I do agree with your comment except about the "defective" issue. I don't think I can go that far. I do believe we are all defective - that none of us is perfect. I think we can be and should be loved in spite of those defects.

I am having trouble though connecting this to your earlier comment. You implied there was something wrong with this picture. I don't get your point.

I'm not quite sure what LA is getting at either.

I can only think of Givers and Takers and the article on the main website.

Ergo, if your Giver is always in control "I will make the other person happy whether it makes me happy or not", your Taker "I will make myself happy whether it makes the other person happy or not" starts pushing itself forward and asking why the heck it never gets a chance.

Is that what you mean LA?

Hopefully LA will be on the case again quickly. But it does seem unreal that T wants nothing for himself, and just wants to make Gemela happy. That is not healthy.

"I have always wanted to make her happy - no conditions attached. I never wanted anything for myself - not in all the years of the marriage."

If you have never wanted anything for yourself EXCEPT for another person's happiness, then you have shoved your human burden of your happiness onto another's shoulders...

If they ain't happy, then they are failing you.

If you subscribe that you can MAKE someone happy...even against their will, then you are saying they are incapable.

Not human.

Not equal.

You are saying God created them to depend on you for their happiness.

You're one up and over...

That's where acknowledging we are all separate and equal is essential respect.

You set the precedent of lying to yourself to your self. You said you wanted nothing for self but for something you could not control...and have spent a lot of years attempting to get that response, to let you know you succeeded. Yet, the very response was what you claim would make you happy. You wanted. Self wasn't enough.

This is the imbalance of the Giver/Taker, Kiwi...if you are all about others, then you avoid and evade your self. You make this life all about other selves...what balance is in that? Makes you special, invisible, invulnerable? What?

LA

LOL, are you asking me LA?

I was quoting (probably misquoting) from the article on the main site which struck a chord with me when I first read it. I'll have to find the rest of it because I think that you are saying exactly what it says.