I have to wonder what you were thinking. My sister got a degree in psychology. Hung her degree over the toilet.

Theology and Archaeology - hmmm... maybe you could dig up out-dated religious concepts.

In my case my degree made me instantly smarter in 24 hours. I worked part-time for a company my last semester in school. They made me an offer and I went to work full time the day after I graduated. They tripled my salary over night once I had that degree in hand. Amazing how much smarter I got in one day.

I don't yet agree that I have been off base all these years. I am still wondering if we are not nit-picking semantics. I'll go back and give KiwiJ's much appreciated plagiaristic post a much deeper read.

I don't speak much good English like LA do. Sometime me think she read two much in things.

I have never considered myself a doormat for gemela except for the 48 hours when lemonman's post pushed me past the brink of divorce. It is just that different things make me happy than most people. My neighbor is miserable if his wife will not let him play golf on the weekends. Causes fights in fact. I gave up golf to be with my family after DD1 was born. Never missed it. And I used to play six days a week. There is nothing like the smell of fresh cut fairways. There is something magical about the thin layer of dew on the greens in the morning before the sun has dried it off. Seeing the trail of golf balls on the green by the thin line of color splitting the sheen of dew. The sound of the driver hitting the ball as it defies gravity and arches upward as it finds its way down the center. No. Never missed it.

There is nothing like the sound of DD1 complaining that her chocolate milk is not yet made, the sound of the two of them arguing already when they haven't even been up five minutes. Nothing like having to sort through the yeses and noes of all the demands of what they want to do today. Nothing like having to stop everything I am doing and make them pancakes because WW is still asleep. Nothing like making more and taking WW breakfast in bed. No I don't miss golf.

Do you think that by saying "we" you soften the DJ in this:

"we are not nit-picking semantics."

LA

No DJ intended. I am trying to match my thoughts to all the responses and see what makes sense. There are several people posting on this particular topic so I think "we" is appropriate.

I wondered if I should plagiarise it or link it but decided to plagiarise it because it's all part of the same website.

Nit-picking semantics is what I like to do best in the WHOLE WORLD. It seriously does make me happy. I mean that. I'm not being sarcastic because of Traic's tools. I just love words and their meanings and their use.

Can't you tell by the way I never run out of them.

"No DJ intended" You say that a lot when I call you on them. I've been telling you I see you DJ a lot, and you say it's okay because it wasn't intended.

I'm of Kiwi's variety...words, which is all we have to communicate with in this forum, have great impact for me. Nit-picking, which is picking lice out of one's hair and off one's body, would be derogatory. Then again, getting to the kernel of truth takes a similar skill.

LA

Now, if Kiwi would pipe in with more than her love of words...which she masters concisely...maybe I wouldn't believe I'm being disregarded?

Hmmm?

A little downunder truth, if you please, maestro.

LA

BTW plagiaristic was not intended as a DJ either. I appreciate very much that you copied it and am glad you didn't provide the link. Since you did post it, I got it on email and can read through it much better.

See how words are getting me into trouble yet again? I am not meaning to be disrespectful to anyone and yet I am apparently doing exactly that. I will lay off posting for 24 hours. Maybe I need a break from myself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Why do you turn this back onto yourself? I have not posted to your thread for this very reason...I see you retreat, from Todd and others...when we are actually trusting you to share with you...what we see, how we care about you...

Can you not say, "LA, I feel attacked," if that is what you feel?

I respect your choice to withdraw. I'll reconsider future attempts to post to your thread. I am not here to attack...if you believe that living your life for your wife's happiness is what you want, with nothing about yourself involved but in getting that want...I will respect that.

If you want to know what you do, with the purest of intents, might be destructive...

Lemme know. I consider myself an expert because of how destructive I have been to myself and others...with the purest intent.

LA

P.S. I so don't get the plagiaristic stuff...went right by me. I was in awe of the ability to type that word at all.

Oh shoot, Traic, don't be so sensitive. Gee, are you like my H or what????? He told me he got into a sh**ty with the girl he works with yesterday and said "oh all right, I just won't do that any more. You can do them all." and flounced off. I said to him "oh how mature of you." I was laughing and so was he.

I didn't take it as a DJ, I was thinking aloud. It went through my mind that maybe I was plagiarising. I work for a university. Plagiarising is a worse sin than mass murder. (Joking guys, I'm joking).

I so want to make the comment about taking his ball and going home...

You can see where that DJ would come back to bite me, eh?

LOL

Bunch of women posting to Traic...poor guy. Where's Todd when you need him?

LA

Hey, Kiwi...on your cute story w/Hubby...

And people say, "What inner child?"

Now...post your thoughts, anyway. Pretty please? I follow your posts like a puppy...do you think I'm militant?

LA

I disagree. Having been to graduate school myself, if it weren't for plagiarism, there wouldn't be any PhD's - at least in engineering anyway. I was amazed at how little original thought there was in my particular discipline.

LA,

I am sensitive of one thing. A couple of weeks ago I got seriously derailed over something I initially thought was innocent. based on what you have posted, I seriously need to explore what you are trying to tell me but I can't really do that if I am making you mad at the same time. Sometimes I get in moods and I am wondering if I am not in one of them at the moment. Words are a means to an end for me - not a science. You are a poet. Words are your craft. I have to translate them into my language which is far more limited than yours.

Yes I do want to understand what you are saying. There are 35 posts to this thread since I went to sleep last night (now 36). Only a handful of those posts are mine. I need time to digest them.

I don't think I retreated from ToddAC. Most of my communication with him is via email.

Careful. My Mommy reads this thread.



Yes. Maybe that is what this thread is lacking - more testosterone. I have never been a very good match against women. I am smart enough to recognize that anyway - just not smart enough to do anything about it.

And yes I do need to understand what is wrong with this picture. I am not running away from that.

And don't forget that there is no "i" in the word ego. But that doesn't really make much sense does it?

Traic, we love ya dude....

For when you come back, Traic:

"I can't really do that if I am making you mad at the same time."

See how DJ's kill? I'm not angry...not in the least. You saying I am does not make this a reality, yet you choose from this reality that you have made.

And if I do feel anger, it will be from feeling fear, first. I own my own stuff...like the trigger earlier...you didn't have to apologize...it's MINE. I chose to share. The actual moment.

"I don't think I retreated from ToddAC." Where did I say this? I had no intention...I was calling out for testosterone based humans...you were surrounded by estrogen.

And huge LOL's to your comments back about the ball...can I say, "Yo mamma?"

And your point about the number of posts since last you slept was...popularity? :::ducking a well-deserved blow:::

Hey, women are simple...we just want to be laughed at...WHEN we want to be laughed at.

How much more simple can you get?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

((((Dylan))))

LA

There is no 'i' in ego? You haven't seen my middle son spell, have you?

LA,

The only thing that makes me mad is that one of you (don't know which) made a negative comment about my Snap-On tools. There are boundaries and that crossed one. You can whack me with 2x4's all you want but stay away from the tools!

What I want is a) a recovered marriage to gemela b) a happy life with gemela c) a wonderful marriage to gemela. That is why I am here. I will never run away from anything that furthers that goal.

Looking at this practically, it is 8:00AM on the last day of my work week. Tonight starts the weekend and you all have me on restricted computer duty when I am around gemela so my posting over the next few days will be fairly restricted as it always is on Thursdays and Fridays. Nothing personal.

It is great to get everyone's POV and I have already been helped so much. I can't believe I have come this far over just a few months. I can't believe where I was six months ago. I also can't believe I was seriously contemplating divorce over a hot dog a couple of weeks ago. I am still very sensitive to this whole A thing.

I think I am better but realize I am far from out of the woods and still not really much closer to the root causes of this whole thing because gemela refuses to discuss them.

I feel sometimes like everybody is getting this but me. That is frustrating.

BTW, I know what nit-picking is. We spent several weeks doing that every single day after we got back from Mexico. Piojos they are called there. What a nightmare.

LA, I have no truths. I only have my experience.

BTW, there is a HUGE difference between an original thought and plagiarism. I know you really know that plagiarism is using someone else's work WITHOUT ACKNOWLEDGEMENT of your source.

Anyway, that's neither here nor there.

The root cause. I would venture to guess that gemela felt neglected. She found excitement and admiration from pool guy.

You are now giving her a great deal of your attention. You have noticed she's alive. I know you always did but her perception is that you didn't. You are again like my H. He loves me, he thought I knew he loved me with the same sort of love you have for Gemela. I didn't know, plain and simple.

All that sounds like excuses and justifications but they're not. You're looking for root causes. They're not palatable but they're probably true.

BTW, hi Traic's mom *waving*. I forgot you read.

KiwiJ,

There is no spoon.

Was gemela neglected or did she feel neglected? Or did she just find someone who fed on her insecurity? I don't know. If I were a perfect husband, gemela would not have had an A so I can accept the criticism. I want to prevent a repeat so I need to learn from my mistakes.

Okay, I read the givers and takers and here is my reaction. Pick it apart please:

Okay let me try to say this differently. I did go through very carefully the givers and takers. I can see the giver in me but not really the taker. Let me try to explain why (awaiting an LA thumping). Years ago I would, for example, plan to play golf on a weekend. Had the plan with friends, tee time set up, clubs cleaned, mowed my front lawn by practicing chip shots. Weekend comes and something comes up and I can't play. I got mad (i.e. unhappy). I even got mad if it rained! I was mad because I couldn't control the weather!

Somewhere along the way I stopped "planning" things. I just did things and tried to enjoy what I was doing. I may have planned to play golf all week long and then learn, for whatever reason, I had to do something else. Instead of getting angry about not playing golf, I would immediately start to focus on what I would be doing and how I could do it best. I can be happy doing lots of things and try to look for ways to enjoy all that I do.

My previously mentioned neighbor just gets angry if his weekend plans get upset. I don't. I can't remember the man's name but I was reading a book on philosophy a few years ago and there was an anecdote about this man who was driving and was pulled over by a policeman. The policeman asked him where he was going. He replied that he did not know where he was going. Long story short, cop gets angry and man goes to jail. As the cop is locking the cell door, the man says "see I told you I didn't know where I was going – I never would have guessed I would have ended up in jail". That is sort of how I approach my life – or try to anyway. Yesterday evening I had every intention of going home, doing homework with DD1 and maybe going to driving range and then watch a DVD with WW. I ended up going to Khobar to buy paint (except for Mexican blue which WW forgot), went to the hardware store to buy bungi cords (an obsession I have – DD1 took one of my bungis so that left me "short" – had to stock up), bought garden decorations, went home and hung said garden decorations and made a doorstop for the kitchen door. None of what I "wanted" to do but I had a great time doing it. Didn't watch the DVD BTW because National Geographic has a special on 911 revisited and gemela insisted on watching it. So I layed down with my head in her lap and secretly cried (because of the 911 special – not for my day).

When I was at the hardware store, I bought new gardening gloves for gemela even though she had not mentioned it. When we got home I gave them to her and she was ecstatic. I admit that made me happy. She did ask me to hang the decoration and I said I would do it tomorrow. My hammer drill is 220V and I didn't feel like hauling out my 220V 3KW transformer, extension chord etc. because I wanted to make my doorstop and it was raining. Doorstop went very fast so I got the drill out anyway. The look on gemela's face when I did that made me happy too. Then we went inside and got out of the sand storm and rain. Funny thing about sand storms – sometimes they bring rain. Maybe the sand in the air creates nucleation sites for humidity to condense. I don't fully understand it.

I may not be that much of a taker. Maybe I am and am in denial. Gemela has always been a giver as well although I think she is more balanced than me by what is writing in the post. There are just so many "things" that are unimportant to me. I don't feel that I sacrifice by not having or doing them.


And, for LA's sake, I hope my Mommy did not read that because otherwise LA is gonna be in BIG TROUBLE.

ToddAC just awoke. I am in a different time zone than the rest of my countrymen. Anyway, with eyes that are still not adjusted to light, I just read the forty posts.

This is my big question and my feeble attempt to bring testosterone to this discussion. Timely because I just received my bi-weekly testosterone injection yesterday. I am good to go.

traicionado, do you own the entire bevy of Snap on tools? (here the MB ladies take a large sip of wine and roll their eyes). Wow, I am impressed. You know, a screwdriver costs $30.00! I would rather buy a Stanley (where is he anyway?) and save the $25.00 difference towards another GWTW doll for WW and add to the accrual fund for another axe for me. That makes both of us happy. Not to be overly sensitive but that is okay right? For both of us to be happy?

Before I delve further into this madness tonight, I must correct a previous error concerning the word rhetorical. I am somewhat, though not like in my prime, of a walking lexicon. Courtesy of my Mother who I swear knew every word in the English and German languages. According to Dictionary.com here are the definitions of rhetorical, and I do hereby shamelessly plagiarize:

rhetorical

adj 1: of or relating to rhetoric; "accepted two or three verbal and rhetorical changes I suggested"- W.A.White; "the rhetorical sin of the meaningless variation"- Lewis Mumford 2: concerned with effect or style of writing and speaking; "a rhetorical question is one asked solely to produce an effect (especially to make an assertion) rather than to elicit a reply".

Yes, traicionado, I also love golf. I love how bunkers, the rough and out-of-bounds areas are magnets for golf balls. BTW, it is my considered theory that it’s the dimples that give the golf ball is magnetic qualities. I love the beauty of a golf course. At least one with grass and a little sand. Not sure about sand with a little grass. I adore golf. Alas, it does not adore me back. It hates me. I still love it however. I am in a co-dependent relationship with golf. I love it and it treats me like, well, you know. It is sort of like life that way. When we ignore our own needs to see to the needs of the object of our undying love and affection, we are saying that we are not important in that equation. That our happiness must be derived from the other person. It is an affliction of manhood I believe. If we are raised well, we are taught to do the right thing. To be chivalrous. Considerate. Just don’t be emotional about it. Just do it! Can I paste the Swoosh here? Or is that plagiarism? Ever read copyright law? Ugh…

You see traicionado, I am in love with the game of golf. I studied its history. I have played on the course where Bobby Jones cut his teeth. It was a blessing. Problem: the magnet pulled my errant shots to and fro, robbing me of happiness. That’s okay. I was happy because the golf course was happy to eat my golf balls. I gave my all to the golf course I so revered and honored. I got my happiness from seeing the golf course happy that it had robbed fifteen balls from me. Don’t laugh! It is not a record for me. Truth is, when I stand in the tee box and gaze over the rolling hills in front of me and see five hundred yards of narrow fairway stretched out into infinitum, I get what I can only describe as the first tee jitters all over again.

Here’s the good part about golf: we get to play a new game every eighteen holes. Life is not like that. Neither is love. Too bad. If love and life would only sit still long enough for logical analysis, well, traicionado, you and I would be geniuses at this love of our lives game wouldn’t we? We are content to talk golf, tools, recirculation zones, three legged dogs and such. At life, my friend, we men suck. At love, we are hapless. To women, it is shorthand. They are better people. My Mother taught me that years ago. Not that literally of course but my Mother was the smartest person I have ever known. She was smart in life too. So while we bury our feeling and fears, women deal with them and grow from the experience. We want to play golf and honor the golf course.

You have a very wise person talking to you tonight. She is hard on you. Know why? She sees the opportunity to shine a light on a dark spot within you. No an evil spot. Just one where greater understanding can help you grow as a person. Listen. Think and don’t react. Learn. Be humble. It is for your growth. Selective pruning is a good thing in the long run. Don’t ever forget why you were last in line going into that cave…

I’ve been wondering something. I wonder if I didn’t devote my life to making golf happy, if that would in some way make me a better golfer? Maybe I would enjoy the game more. I am not sure that is possible. I love it so much as it is. Love it more? Are you sure? You mean, that my taking care of my own needs and being respectful of the golf course, I may be happier? Do you think I could be a better golfer? I mean, I would still do the respect things to do on and to a golf course. You know, repair divots and ball marks. I mean, that part is allowed right? That’s not being co-dependent is it? I mean, there are some things in life we must tend to or it won’t be there for us next time. I will never forget I played one day and hit such a great shot that I forget to repair the ensuing divot. The next day, guess where my tee shot landed? In the same divot I forgot to repair. Served me right. I didn’t make that mistake again. That much is okay right? To fix mistakes we make? As long as I don’t try to make the golf course happy, I believe it is. Yeah, I believe it is.

Now, what was the question?