cc46,

Getting off AD's? I got off the patch. I crush them up now and am snorting 15 or 20 lines a day!

Do I now call you directora or visa presidente? I lost track.

Yesterday we painted toy room and garage. We painted till 9:00 PM. DD1 has two new hamsters and DD2 is not allowed to touch them. We have Pepito Dos and Chuchito. Frijolito (DD2's hamster) has welcomed them nicely into their new home.

Traic, I was thinking about your reaction to poor Pepito and more importantly, your rection to your DD's pain. Do you see that is exactly what you do with gemela? Not only that, but one day those girls will be young women and, believe me I have well and truly been there and done that with my DD (25)and my DS (28). When you watch them making mistakes and when you see some young punk or some venomous girl breaking their hearts, you just have to stand back and let them experience it.

You have to be there for support, OMG, the tears I've dried and cried with them and the wailing and weeping I've listened to, but you can't stop them being hurt. It's so, so painful to watch but so necessary for them to learn to deal with what life dishes out.

And I have absolutely no idea what my point is.

Okay. If you figure it out, please share.

I made a cross for Pepito. We had to bury him in the back garden so that the cross cannot be seen by ant Saudis. DD1 painted it sky blue to match the tree house and put his name in black. She did all that in latex paint so I am just going out now to varnish it. I have to pull the cross up though because she already had the funeral service. Hope she doesn't notice while the varnish is drying.

I guess my point is that we all have to face whatever life throws at us. People can support us and be there for us but ultimately, it's just us.

Is that not what I am doing? I don't think I can change in this regard (what you commented earlier). I am pretty much stuck with that.

kiwi,

Are you saying that traicionado should not have replaced the lost hamster and should have let DD experience the grief as a growing process?

Hi all!

Todd, if that is what Kiwi meant, I would agree with her.

Well since KiwiJ related the hamster to what I do with gemela, by that logic then, I should separate from gemela and let her learn from that process? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

If Pepito had died from natural causes, I might see it differently - but he didn't. He was murdered. Oh it might not have been pre-medidated. It might have been a crime of passion but it was murder none-the-less. His life was taken in an instant of insanity. He was in his prime. He took care of himself. He was vegetarian. He excersized every night. Watched his weight. He had hopes and dreams - all gone. It was too cruel.

Not that it changes your answer, but murder is too strong. Call it an accident. DD2 is too young to be culpable. I cannot believe I just wrote that...

With regards to kiwi's point, no I don't think she was saying that you should separate from WW nor do I believe you reached a correct logical conclusion. What she referred to, I believe, is your quest to make WW happy just as you demonstrated to making DD1 happy after the loss of her hamster. BTW, not taking any sides on this one, just trying to clarify. Hopefully I am not muddying the waters. Kiwi can tell us when that side of the world wakes up.

Todd is the nearest. Yes, I'd have replaced the hamster and I probably would have cried with DD as well.

What I am saying is that you just can't protect other people from pain. It's impossible. It's part of the human experience. I think, Traic, you would do anything to protect gemela from pain. As a cognisant adult she needs to be able to deal with pain and consequences. All we can do for each other is support each other - we can't take away pain from each other. Traic, it's a nice trait and it's so understandable but it's not helpful in the long run.

Using the examples of my DS and DD - I'd have done anything, anything to stop their hearts being broken but, short of locking them up, it's their lives.

Make sense or even muddier?

BTW it didn't seem appropriate to laugh at your description of Pepito's life but it was funny. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

DD1 is exactly like me. I remember one time she found several small stones she liked and she gave one to each of us and kept one for herself. She actually gave her favorite one to me. That night she misplaced her stone. She cried. Gemela got mad at her for crying over a rock. I stayed up all night and eventually found the rock.

That was about three years ago. I was reminded of it because this weekend we worked on the toy room. We hauled everything out and painted and gemela wants to get rid of two Ikea closets we have had since Oman. She wanted to sort through all the toys and get rid of what they don't play with any more. I found the rock again. I hid it from gemela so she wouldn't throw it away. Of all the hundreds of things we sorted through, I have no idea why that rock was the most valuable. I also still have the one she gave me. It really is much nicer than hers.

What I am trying to figure out here is if me getting a replacement hamster is somehow an indicator of me causing gemela's affair. Is this all my fault?

Pepito's cross turned out nicely. We will have good memories of him.

I hope you're being dry. No, of course it isn't your fault. I got carried away making a point that wasn't really a point.

Just thank me for the free, amateur and totally screwy physcoanalysis and we'll be even.

And you stone story reminded me that not so long ago I started cleaning out the under stairs closet. I found all my DD's stuffed toys that we've never been able to throw away. I don't know what to do with them. There are hundreds of them and my DD is 25.

I suggested to my H that we threw out one a night. We were both horrified at the thought of them wondering which was going to be next. (you see my H and I are as bad as each other <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />)

I've decided to keep them for my grandchildren and they've gone back in the closet.

No I am actually being sincere. I know the A is not my fault because gemela had other options. I still sometimes feel like I am to blame for everything. Don't know why. I just feel that way sometimes. I think I'll go pop an AD.

Go pop 40.

You're not to blame for her choices.

Yesterday I had to close my eyes while gemela sorted through the toys. I couldn't bear to watch what all she was culling. I did sneak some out of the bag though. DD2 won't are much if a few things are missing but DD1 never forgets anything. She notices what is missing immediately. We have a closet full of stuffed animals as well. We also have two beds full of them with barely enough room left over for DDs. DD1 has a purple teddy bear who is very confused because he wears a white bunny rabbit suit. I worry about that bear. DD1 left the bear in Mexico in our mad rush to leave the house to get to the airport coupled with the musical beds the children had played the night before. It was an horrific scene at the airport. DD1 hit and kicked me. She cried every single night. SIL finally sent the bear via DHL. Even gemela was pissed at SIL for waiting so long to send the bear. When it arrived, I went out and got a travel bag and filled it with chocolate milk, cookies and candy and put the bear with it at the front door and rang the doorbell. DD1 answered the door and found her bear exhausted from his trip but glad to be home. DD2 loses her "bear" (it is actually a rat but she is in denial about that and we have to call it a bear) all the time but we can't go to bed without it. I can spend an hour looking for it sometimes. Each stuffed animal has its story to tell. DD2 went through the "skunky spray" phase (with a raccoon she thought was a skunk). Where she came up with skunky spray is still a mystery but that is its name. I am so worried about DD2's bear that I am constantly looking for "spares" just in case.

Only mistake I made was last time the three of them went to the USA, DD1 was concerned that her bear would have problems at US immigration. Well it took hours but I made "passports" for each DD's "travel bear". US immigration simply has no sense of humor.

LMAO Traic, you sound just like us. Lovely stories, thanks.

World wide immigration has no sense of humour. LOL.

DD's stuffed dog went with her to hospital when she was 2 and the nurses put a little drip like hers in it's arm (paw?) and a little bandage round it. Now, nurses, they're a breed apart - angels all.

T - I know the whole stuffed animal thing. My BOYS (yes boys love them too) had a ton. I put a net on the wall in the corner to hold them all. They kept those things till they were 10 years old. And still they hated to get rid of them. The animals were like new, and we donated them to the local thrift store.

Your anti-D's should be kicking in now by my calculations. Are they working?