Never mind

KiwiJ,

Why "never mind"?

cc46,

I read your post but after-the-fact.

Just not in a good place right now.

T, I really think you wait a few days to make your next move. Think about it, ask questions, ask for help.

traicionado,

Can you point to anything that triggered your new attitude?

Hey T, I guess you might be busy.

I have to go to sleep because it's midnight. I'm up past my bedtime because tomorrow is a holiday, but still, I get sleepy at the same hour.

Please rethink your attitude.

Write to Dr. Harley. He answers you immediately.

Yours is a difficult situation because plan B is not practical. But still doable, maybe.

That should be your next step. I thought you would make it. Gemela has proved tougher than other WSs...

anyway, I'm off to bed. Goodnight/morning.

ToddAC,

Good question. I don't think it was anything that just snapped. If I go back and look at recent history and the incidents over the past couple of weeks, I get the sense that this has been building up for a while. I do think the French riding instructor was the final straw. I think I relived the entire affair in an instant when she said that. I think that put me over the top. It made me realize that she has learned nothing and has no clue that she is ripe for another A. She still believes her OM is her soulmate and there could never be another.

I just told her how fortunate she was that she could marry me and my job would move us around and finally get us to this place and that we could have two wonderful little girls who would need swimming lessons that could all bring about her meeting OM and show her her soulmate. God really blessed her by making all those things happens so that they could finally meet.

I told her I can't understand why she can't take one hour a week out of her busy golf schedule to go to IC and try to work on her M. She says she is trying. I asked her to show me how. I told her how much the A had hurt me and I refused to let her do that to me again and, until she found out what it was within her that says it is acceptable to lie and cheat on her husband and family, she could easily do it again.

She said early on that one of her missing EN's was communication. I said we are not allowed to talk about the A, the past, so what does that leave us? What can we communicate about? I asked her to look at all this from my point of view and tell me what she would do. She said she had no opinion.

I told her that everything she was destroying her M and family for was a lie - it never existed. The OM seemed perfect because he wanted to seem perfect. He knew what to say because he had done it before and will do it again but she took it hook, line and sinker. Still believes it. She is just stupid.

Well I guess you can tell it was a pretty nasty fight.

Okay, good honest answer.

What is your goal at this point? IOW, do you view this as a rather nasty bump in the Plan A road or are you truly ready to throw in the towel?

And to my question last night, are you numb or indifferent? Right now that is?

KiwiJ,

I saw your "time frame". It was scary. It is almost identical to mine.

At this point my goal is to get off dead center. Do you know where that expression comes from BTW (I am sure you do)? I used to do my own auto work so I understand what running at TDC can do.

Do I "want" a divorce? Not necessarily. I still have to think about the DDs. Everyone has pointed out that I cannot control gemela. Where we go from here is her choice as well. I just want her to make a choice. I can live with either one but I cannot continue to live in this quagmire.

If I D gemela, I may or may not get remarried. I have not thought that far ahead. I just want to begin to get some resolution. In my opinion, gemela is falling back into her old self. Repeating the same behaviors. There is a broken wire inside gemela and she needs to get it reconnected.

I don't think either word is correct. Give me another option.

No fair traic, you only gave me those two options remember?

Okay, I wonder if the AD's have had a greater affect on you and your thought process than you realize. After taking the AD's for X days, how is your work performance?

That's only one test of course. There are always politics at work. Have you changed how you manage them?

TDC. When I had my 1968 Goat, my standard setting was 10 degrees past TDC. Greased lighting. Well, that's another story.

I agree that WW's comment about the riding instructor was insensitive on her part. Either insensitive or completely unaware of her declaration. Either one is NG.

The one thing you must do is to appear strong in front of WW. Even if your heart is sitting in the pit of your belly or stuck in your throat, don't let it show.

Remember the turtle that OM gave my WW? I watched the turtle starve and dehydrate for four days all the while "telling" WW she needed to release the turtle and give him a chance at life. She never did of course because that turtle was a metaphor for the OM. Then one day, even though I cannot drive, I grabbed the car keys, told WW to grab the turtle and get in the car. She did. I pulled up to a nice wooded section with a small creek running through it and told WW this was a good place to release him. She got out of the car and released him.

Are you following me on this? If you want to see the story of the affair, tell WW to get in the car and tell her where you are going after you have backed away from the house. Numerous infidelity authors point to the need of the BS to hear the story and to have questions answered. You are owed this by WW. Perhaps the reality of seeing the door she went in, or where she parked the car or whatever will trigger her and make her miss the OM that much more. Maybe it will snap her back to reality. Maybe reality will be a good thing; maybe bad. Ask questions but remain calm and non-threatening. Guilt is a wonderful motivator; shame is not.

It is time for some kind of action. On that we agree. 10 degrees of TDC sounds right to me.

Well Mr. Todd, I think I did appear very strong and it is not just appearance. I told her in no uncertain terms how much she had hurt me and devastated my life but there was no way on God's green earth she would ever do it again. I told her she had no clue what she had done to me and didn't seem to care.

We will see what will happen. I may get home today and find she is in total agreement about D. If that is the case, end of story. If she vacilates, we will go for a ride. I think she needs this AM to think things through a bit. If I get home and finds that she has not given this any thought, I will continue to try to explain things to her. May or may not go for the ride in that case. I simply have no plans right now.

That's Mr. AC to you...

So, how is your work performance and political awareness after taking AD's?

I was not implying that you weren't strong. Nada. Just a reminder because I know full well the gamut of emotions that are available to be summoned at any time.

I read a post once that said that a strict Plan A is like eating 500 calories and running 10 miles daily. Sure you will loose weight but you won't stay on it for very long. You have been at a decent Plan A for what? Seven months? Longer? Maybe Plan A success is just around the next bend. Maybe it is not. You have been running and eating very little for a long time. When you are done, you are done in my book. I hope you can hold on because the reasons you wanted to save your marriage are still valid. If you and WW depart at the fork in the road tomorrow, I don't think anyone will blame you. Some will miss this thread but hey, that's a different story.

Sorry Mr. AC. No disrespect intended. I have been in the Middle East a long time and that is common to address people that way here. Kind of like the Old South many years ago. The Indians, Philippinos, etc. here usually address people by Mr. First Name as a sign of respect.

Arabs often call other arabs by their father's name. For example, if they are talking to a guy named Ahmed and his father's name happened to be Khalid, they might call Ahmed "Abu Khalid" or "son of Khalid".

500 calories. If I remember correctly, isn't that the Bigger diet?

I know the majority of reasons for wanting to R have not changed except for one. I do think I may be falling out of love with gemela. It is hard to maintain that love when she does nothing to merit it or encourage it. I still love her but am gradually and progressively becoming not "in love" with her. The longer this goes on, the worse it will get. At that point I will be working for R by simple inertia. Not much motivation. We'll just stay on Mount Bigger (which is actually a mesa BTW) forever and never have any kind of marriage.

I still have trouble concentrating at work. I can do short term things but not long term things. I haven't even tried to script any new Flash programs so have no clue how I would do. I have no desire to try.

Hey, I was kidding about Mr. Todd thing. I know you know that but I want to ensure that innocent members in this thread know that.

I wasn't going to finger bigger but since you did, what the hay? Or is it what the hey? Never did know.

Yes bigger apparently was on that diet and exercise regimen when he fell down the hill. Reminds me of a Hugh Grant movie. That should help me sleep tonight.

Just rememember two things: love is both a verb and a choice, not a feeling. Okay, you drive a hard bargain, three things.

I think that I told you I was having computer problems. No more. Genius at work on this side of the world. Do you recall my building-a-guitar-story? Well, I read three books on how to build a guitar before venturing into the luthier world. They all said one thing: a luthier cannot have too many clamps. I am an extremist at heart. I bought 92 clamps. Every kind of clamp you can imagine: JORGENSEN Mini E-Z Hold II Bar and Spreader Clamps, Rapid Action Band Clamps, Curved Bar Clamps, BESSEY Angle Clamps, KREG Right Angle Clamps, C clamps, UniKlamps, cam clamps, COLUMBIAN Bar Clamps (these are my favorite; don't really know why) and spring clamps. Recall that DS3 and his partner in crime sawed the neck in half to build a racer/airplane? That put the guitar building stage in my life on the back burner for good. DS1 was going through my tools one day and announces that he is looking for some clamps. He can always use them in his work. I told him any clamps but the bar clamps. Amongst the clamps he took were several spring clamps. Professional grade A quality from Woodcraft. I discovered that if I press my notebook's display at about 10:47, the display came to life. DS1 found a Woodcraft spring clamp and I squeezed it into action. Presto! here I am entering a long post. conclusion: the spring has held!

There have been only two days that I was happy that I bought all those clamps: the day I bought them and tonight. I am finding that what makes me happiest in this world are the little things. It is a great feeling to be a grown man and get excited about something as mundane as clamps.

Things are like that you know. Sometimes a thumb and a finger can give way to a simple spring and solve the problem. You just never know. As I said, genius at work.

Personally speaking, thinking of Bigger with his crooked nose and "three bump bum" would not lull me to sweet dreamless sleep but to each his own. Good luck with that. Were they Columbian clamps or Colombian clamps? Remember your fondness for cosas latinas.

I think "love" can be a noun too but I am no expert. Actually I should be an expert because I took freshman English three times.

Okay I get it now. Columbian is a brand name. That doesn't, however, explain why they are your favorite.