I don't think she wants to work on the marriage. We are not in MC because she said she had to get herself fixed before she could work on us. No, I do not have evidence of an affair, the only thing I have is that she said she kissed OM in the fall. Call me naive, but I don't think there is anything going on with OM now, just do not agree with continued contact. I am trying Plan A, but as you can see from my last post I am not that good. She keeps saying she hasn't made up her mind yet (about divorce/separation/work on marriage).

BB it sounds like she is still in A. Are you sure she went to the mall and came straight home. She could've met OM there to tell him her great news. She does not sound like a woman who is even considering her M. If she is admitting to some contact there is probably MORE she is not admitting to. At the very least she is maintaining her fantasy of OM and is in LA LA Land. Her A has not seen the light of day. I know you say it was only a kiss....how many women have you kissed lately? It is not appropriate behavior...you know this or you would not be bothered.

What is your plan for Plan A? Keep posting...this is a hard process. You don't want to believe that the woman you love most in the world is capable of this kind of betrayl. The WS is capable of many things you never dreamed possible.
BB...you can get through this and come out a better man than before...regardless of outcome of your M.

Keep posting!!

How are you?

Sorry for the delay in posting. Things have not gone well at all. She has asked for a separation. I told her that I was not leaving, she said I don't expect you to "leave", we'll just take turns being at the house with the kids. Talk about confusing.

I went to see an attourney yesterday. When asked what I wanted, "I said for my marriage to work, can you help me." After the incredibly painful talk I went home. I told her again that I was not moving out and that I wanted her to stay as well and go to marriage counseling together. I told her that I am willing to do what it takes to save our marriage. her reply was "I am meeting next Friday with my lawyer, we'll see"

I am completely heartbroken, not only for loosing my dear wife, but for the pain this inflict on the kids. This is really tearing me up inside.

(((BB)))
Sorry you didn't get the news you wanted to hear. BUT...now you know. The question is...What are you willing to do about it? Are you ready to fight for your marriage? You have to realize you will be fighting WW to bring the real W home.

AGAIN...what is YOUR plan?

I think my time is running out for a plan. She just called me and said she is getting a sitter for the kids and is coming over to where I work (everyone will be gone for the day). She wants to talk and she doesn't want the kids to hear.

BB,
I would say in this kind of situation, dont remind her / push her the way you think is the best way to save M. and one more thing whenver you talk to her always try to come up with happy talk, try to avoid all those things/ discussion that could end up with aruguments, once she come out of fog you will be having plenty of time to discuss whatever you want to discuss. you have got the golden oppurtinity in hand, must not waste any minute. just start doing things (Plan A) that will divert her thoughts/feelings from OM. i.e. take her out for Movie or have dinner out together and start doing things in the house that she likes. may be she will not respond you positively in the begining, on the same time u must make sure that you are not allowing her to contact OM, if WW going out for shoping etc, join her by offering her that you will buy something special for her it could be chocolate or flower. and you must expose the A, asap. cause the longer you take to expose the longer it will be for WW to get out of fog.

in last, keep your self esteem high, and believe in God that he will help you and will save your M.

KFH
me - BS (33)
WW (33)
3 kids

KFH,

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I feel I have stuck to Plan A about 99% of the time for the last month. The problem is the 1% of the time I feel like I completely destroy any thing that the 99% has built. When she goes out, it is usually after work over an hour away, so there is no chance of meeting her.

I am leaning heavily on the Lord for strength at this time. Again thank you for your words of encouragement.