If thw WS is having a relationship with the OW then basically he has left the marriage. So then is it okay for the BS to date? I mean casual things like dinner or a movie, not an A of their own. I don't know the stance on this.

Um. No. That's an affair. If you are married even if your are a BS, you dating=affair. Sorry.

Are you divorced at this point? I would consider the phrase "two wrongs do not make a right." Of course, this is a very personal question encompassing your value system. You will have to make that call and live with your choices. I, for one, could not do this without a divorce in place. Even then, I think that I would have religous reservations.

This is only my opinion based upon my value system.


C-

HE11 NO!!

***If thw WS is having a relationship with the OW then basically he has left the marriage.***

That's the mindset of a WS. I hope that's not where you are. If he won the lottery, would you still consider him to have basically "left the marriage" and not expect him to share the money with you?

***So then is it okay for the BS to date? I mean casual things like dinner or a movie***

Not if you want a snowball's chance in h*ll of ever recovering your marriage. If you're going to start dating, what's the point of even trying to be married? Just get the divorce and be done with it.

Or, you could try some of the things on this site before you throw in the towel so easily.
Mulan

Reach deep into your sense and find some that is common!!

I know you may be in pain and not thinking clearly, but get straight and read the forum before you do anything that you will regret...

As the BS you will need to be the bigger person here. Believe me... I know!

Just to clarify, I am not thinking of dating or anthing else of that sort. I was only asking a question because it seems that so many people, not on this board, do what I described. It was just a question not a plan. Sorry

From what I have read etc. you are vulnerable to an affair when you have been betrayed so i see the source of your question. I didn't hear it as a plan but understand the lonliness you are probably feeling.

That is normal. But you need to realize that you are very vulnerable right now. I made the mistake of having a ONS with a long time friend. I ran into him at a charity function, and one thing led to another. I lost some self-respect AND a friend.

IAmSoLost-

Don't let the above posters scare ya'! LOL

They have great conviction, as you can see <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It sounds like it'd be okay to go out and do innocent little things like see a movie, or go to dinner with someone.....but you shouldn't. You would be just as bad as the WS if you did that, and we want to stay FIRMLY out of that gutter.

Also there is the danger that since your Emotional Needs are being disregarded at this point, that anyone that showed you any attention whatsoever would be depositing in your love bank like crazy....which would put you at risk of an affair yourself. Even something as simple as just listening and sympathizing with your problems is a heck of a lot more than you're getting from your Wayward Spouse right now....so it's actually in your best interest to stick to same sex friends for the time being.

You know, I was thinking about this question before I replied, and I guess that before all this happened I've known people that were dating before their divorce was final....and it seemed okay to me at the time. Now in retrospect, I see that it's SO not okay.

I hope we haven't scared you away from ever asking a question again <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,

-Caren

{{{{{{IAMLOST}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

That was an excellent question and I am sorry we came on so strong. The overreaction comes from knowing what an absolute disaster dating is. First off, it throws a big monkey wrench in any reconcilation plans. It drags an innocent 3rd party into the fray.

And the worst part? You are so vulnerable right now that oyu could fall in love with a TREE if it waved at ya! Anything with 4 limbs will do when your self esteem is as wrecked as that of a newly tramatized BS. Believe me, I know this from personal experience because I am married to Mr ReBound!

Bad Mel!! Bad!! LOL!!!

It was a good question and a valid one at that.

If not for MB I'm sure a lot of BS's would go down this road, thank goodness we have MB, eh?

God Bless,

-Caren

I really am not/was not thinking of dating. My former SIL. hubby's brother's wife, had an A and left him. He was dating within a month. Same happened with hubby's other brother. His wife had an A and left him. 2 days after counseling (court ordered) ended, he had a girlfriend. Many of my (former) friends do it but I know all these people weren't involved in MB. Just wondered what the stance was here. I couldn't bear to be with another man now or any time soon no matter what happens in my marriage. 17 years of monogamy, even one-sided, isn't exactly conducive to stating dating again. I probably never will.