Hmmm...I'm taking this all in, but I think some of the facts have gotten a little skewed. Let me refresh:

12/6/05 - wife admitted to affair
1/1/05 or so - wife said she has ended it with OM, but doesn't know what she wants to do. Fixing the M is something she felt that she has given up on.
2/16/05 - on 2 occasions my spying backfired. Found no real evidence, which made my wife upset. Not that she wanted me to trust her, but because I was lying about what I did.

What I should have been doing since 1/1 is bug her car, to get my evidence.

Maybe you guys are right though. I am afraid. I feel like I "can" put enough trust in her to do the right thing. This is based upon my actions in the past to bring the A on in the first place. WW has admitted to her faults while I seem to keep bumbling and getting caught without the evidence, and having to get caught in a lie about it. This in turn has pushed her away I feel.

sadmm - my point about the sexual harassment issue was NOT for you to go out and recruit another female employee - but to illustrate what the company ALREADY knows about the prospect. THEY KNOW - unless they're butt stooooopid - that ANY suggestion of a boss/subordinate affair puts THE COMPANY at risk for HUGE legal trouble and LOTS of $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ in legal expenses.

WAT

Sad,

There are many here who will explain FOG to you. You wife has violated your trust. Anything you do from here on out, is an attempt to re-establish that trust. IMVHO, she should open up everything to you (passwords, schedules and so forth). If she does not, I would suspect that something is still going on. I will shut up now and let the MB guru's guide you.

C-

sadmm, you shouldn't have lied about the snooping, but you shouldn't feel bad for doing it. You are SUPPOSED to do everything in your power to protect yourself. Your wife does not have a right to privacy.

That being said, you ALREADY HAVE the evidence. Your W admitted an affair in December and it is still ongoing. They ARE STILL ON CONTACT. You know this.

As long as they are in contact, the AFFAIR IS STILL ONGOING. Do you understand this?

In the meantime, the affair has graduated to a NEW level with her insistence that you move out. The reason for this is so she can be free to carry on her affair from your home. In front of your daughter.

Just the fact that your W is angry about your snooping should tell you that she has something to hide. People who have nothing to hide, DON'T HIDE. She was "upset" because she DID have something to hide and wanted you to stop.