Hello everyone. Well, I did it again, I let the BF back in. I fell for his lies and honestly hoped the good would prevail, but it hasn't and I am right back where I was a month or so ago. He has become more controlling and more insulting. I know without a doubt I am experiencing verbal abuse and am really beginning to wonder if he is Bi-Polar or has BPD. Why do I do this and how can I keep it from happening again?

I currently am having no contact and actually sticking to it. I feel let down, but amazingly peaceful. It is wonderful to know without a doubt that it isn't me! I can't do this anymore.

Thanks for listening. Any and all input is appreciated.

Take care and God bless!

K

{{{K}}}}
Sometimes we need to be sure, and to learn the lesson.
This is your time. You gave it a chance, and now you know.

[color:"green"]You are still hoping that if you are good enough to someone, they will see your value and treat you well.

It actually works more like you demand respectful behavior by setting boundaries and the losers disappear while the good ones learn to work within your limits.

V. [/color]

Thanks ladies. You both are very right in everything you say. I am working on those boundaries as we speak!

Take care and God bless!

K

Boundaries - we all seem to need work on those.
Stay strong.

I've thought of you many times "K", wondering how you were doing.

I'm sorry to hear the latest, but I must say, I do understand. I'm sure it took courage to even type your update, but I'm glad you shared.

For what it's worth, I think you did what most would do, including myself. Its almost as if we have to leave no stone unturned, kind of thing. Check everything to be sure things are the way they appear to be, and then we can finally move on. Of course, there is a great deal of pain that goes along with the whole territory.

I see a positive in this. I don't know before if you saw his actions as clearly as you do now, and labels for them.
Verbal abuse is not what you want your children to experience, even if it's not directed at them, but hearing you talked to that way.

You will be in my thoughts.
Be strong! It will get better in time and things will become clearer in time.

Take care,
K!

Thanks again ladies. This is very difficult for me. When I say verbal abuse I mean it in a controlling way, although when he doesn't get his way he really lets the insults fly. I don't even think my XH at his drunkest was this mean.

You are right, I don't need my kids to be exposed to it.

The straw that broke the camels back was the other night I got an unexpected night free from the kids. He had plans so I made tentative plans as well. He had assumed that we would do something until he had to go and when I told him I had made the plans and he flipped. It totally took me by surprise as I thought he was really working on this. Love is blind and he is a good actor. He retaliated by cancelling out on some plans he had made with the kids and I this weekend. Then last night he called and he again brought up me breaking plans to be with my friend the other night, even though we had no plans. Then he went on to tell me that if anyone asked about our weekend plans that he hadn't broken them as they weren't set in stone so he had simply changed his mind - whatever. Anyhow, he went on to tell me how excited he was for the weekend and how much fun he was going to have with the guys (In an effort to make me jealous). I told him to enjoy and said I was looking forward to the weekend as well. To this he asked what I would be doing. I told him the kids and I were meeting up with a group of friends on Saturday and that night the moms were going out. At this he said I thought the mom's thing was during the day and you were now skipping it to do something with the kids. Then he said, "Well, if you are going out with your friends again than I am considering myself single." I told him if that is what I meant to him that I would rather be single myself. This brought on a string of insults leading me to shut off all phones and after a couple messages and texts I haven't heard from him.

A bad thing is we booked a vacation together and now I need to figure a way out of it. If not it will just be lost money.

My eyes are open now and I am determined to set and keep my boundaries. The loss of the dream of what if does stink though.

Thanks for all of the support! Anything new and exciting with any of you? I think of you all often.

Take care and God bless!

K

Nothing wrong in giving second/third/x chance to someone IF that'll make us feel certain about some things;
only that way, confirming/clearing our doubts, we can set ourselves free/move on/make better choices.

I agree Belonging. I too believe sometimes, that is the only way to set ourselves/hearts free.

K.

Thanks ladies. I think you are right. As a friend said to me this weekend, "You are so calm and sure about this, this time." She was right, I had given it my all and it wasn't going anywhere.

Had a great weekend. Did a lot of fun stuff with the kids and got together with some friends as well. I saw the movie "Aquamarine" with my daughters. I thought it was cute, a real "Little Chick Flick" though and thus my son declined in favor with hanging with the neighbor boys. My thirteen year old went, but said it was too "young" for her, how sad seeing the main characters were twelve! As part of my healing process I am back in the reading mode, so I read a lot of good information this weekend which supported my decision, and furthered my growth as well.

Thanks for the support.

Take care and God bless!

K

K-

If it gives you the 'rest' that you need with the relationship, then you did as you needed for yourself.

Be sure, there will be hard days ahead, days when you may feel like calling him. That's when you need to call a friend or write in a journal, anything, to not make that call.

Be strong. Better days are ahead.

Thinking of you,
K!

Well SR, I echo everyone else sentiments---sometimes you have to follow your own heart and do things at your own pace and now you won't have those "what if's" about him. Pretty liberating, isn't it?

These Meantime relationships are so invaluable I think!

I'm glad you are doing well and have peace w/ the situation <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hugs
DW

Remember, talk is cheap. What this man says with his word is not nearly as important as what he 'says' with his action.

As for the vacation, you do stand to possibly lose some money but that's not nealy as bad as losing self-respect.

Thanks ladies. You are so right about everything! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Working on getting at least a partial refund right now!

Take care and God bless!

K

From cinderella's byline "Therapy is not an expense - it is an investment. "
If you lose any money from the vacation, think of it as a lesson learned, and an investment in your sanity.

So true! It also frees me up for a tropical girls vacation this summer! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Having a bad day today, but those are to be expected.

Thanks for the support.

Take care and God bless!
K