My wife and I have been married for 2 years, most of which we have been separated as I was working in Saudi Arabia.

Two months ago she told me that she wishes to be with another man and that we should consider a divorce. Upon hearing of her new-found love, I threw a tantrum and was at times abusive physically and verbally while trying to convince her to be with me.

I am now back working in Sri Lanka after 2 months of nightmare. My attempts to get her back have been futile, both while I was there and here in Saudi Arabia. She doesnt answer my calls and my SMS's are unanswered. I think she is dead-set to be with her new-found love and probably she is...

I have no option but to go for PLAN B... What should I ideally do now, while it is extremely painful not to hear from her or discuss our re-union. Is there any hope of getting her back, while she is full-on with the new lover?

Please help with your good advise.

My honest opinion is that you need to focus on you right now -- most importantly healing yourself and overcoming your anger/abuse issues.

The best advice I could give you is for you to do what I know I don't have the power to do myself. Love her, without anger. I tried every kind of device to get my Husband away from the OW; guilt, anger, hysterics. None of it worked. As a women, I say your wife was lonely and wanted love. If you have the strength to be a good friend and shower her with love without demands, without strings, she just might see you in a different light. Personally, I don't have the courage to give this to my husband even though his is not with the OW and with me now. If you weren't physically/emotionally abusive ever before in your life than I can even understand why you became this way trying to convince someone to love you when you are so desperate to understand why she doesn't. I felt the same way, I wanted just to be seen!
Good luck with what ever you decide.

Thanks for all your comments, and I must confess that since my last post, we have had a bit of communication. Also, there are a few developments in our lives.

As far as she is concerned, she is still full-on with her Polish lover. However, he is out of Sri Lanka and back in his home country for a short vacation. I have done a bit of snooping and seen e-mails exchnaged with romantic overtones. Quite painful to read, but giving me good evidence of what she is upto.

I haven't confronted her with any of that... But I have raised the issue of divorce quite nicely. When she heard that, she threw a tantrum and didn't answer my calls or my SMS messages. I Simply don't get it... She has a lover, but why doesn't she want the divorce.... Isn't it unfair on her part to be this way, while denying me my happiness...

The reason I had to raise the issue of divorce is because my family has planned an arranged marriage for me. And, the divorce is absolutely important to proceed with the new marriage. I have a lot to gain from the new marriage... With the current one, I may have to wait for her to recover and realise her ills (while she continues to fate the Polish lover).

I am so confused... I still love and care for her and do want her back, but I know that she will not change overnight... HELP PLEASE...

P.S. Since my last post, I have not been aggressive or acrimonious towards her...

I know it's been a while, but I have some updates to post... You may remember form my last post that her Polish lover is in Poland on a short vacation.

During my snooping efforts rcently, I came across a few e-mails exchanged between them with romantic overtones. Yesterday, I cam across two e-mails from my wife to him, describing how terribly she misses him and how badly she misses ******* him... Yes, in it's plain form, she is describing her lust for him... (All this, while she has been SMSing me saying that she misses me and all)

This has terribly affected my efforts to recover and I am going backwards... I am so devastated because I was under the impression that they wouldn't have had anything physical (yet)... But now, I see clearly that it has happened many times...

I am so torn and broken... Feel so used and trashed... Feel worthless... How could she have the heart to go to bed with him, knowing VERY well and that I am hurting for her...