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Joined: Jan 2005
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I am debating if I should change my attorneys, but it's a big decision. The reason I am considering this is b/c some of the comments my current atty made (e.g., your husband just left you, but not your child, why would STBXH want to do that, he is a father, you should let him see your son more often, because I am a divorced father myself and I never felt that the standard visitation was enough, etc.) made me feel uncomfortable. He is divorced himself, and sometimes I felt that he is very biased.

The new lawyer I met was nice, but all the attys act "nice" when you first meet, right? And there will definitely more costs involved by changing attys... is it worth it? I am not sure.

I am not saying that my current lawyer is not capable of doing his job, it's just that I feel sometimes that he is "mad" at divorcing women b/c of his own experience. I could be wrong, but he often expresses his own feelings about D. Also he has some "attitude" problem - that is another thing. But do you think these are not good enough reasons to change my attnys?

Has anyone changed his/her lawyers in the middle of the D process? What is the deciding factor, and are you happy with your decision?

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I for one am happy with my lawyer. I trust him. Mu suggestion is to change lawyers. It is apparent that you feel unfortable with him. If a person is going to pay that much money for services, then you need to make sure that he is fighting for you and what is in your best interest. From what you have said, i don't get good vibes about your current lawyer. Maybe I'm wrong. Ofcourse I'm the type of person that absolutely HAS to read into everything possible.

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Thanks ISWE. I know my attny is not a therapist, but his attitude of "D is not a big deal" hurts me.

I guess my worry is that even though I liked the new one I met, it's possible that I run into the similar situation, because I really liked the attny (the owner of the firm) I met, and that is why I decided to hire him, only to discover later that he delegated my case to his associate (= my current attny). I clearly asked the new one about that, and it sounds like his associates will only work on papers and numbers, but it will remain "his" case.

Any other opinions on this? I am very nervous... Also, should I talk to my current attny to let him know that I have some issues with him? How do I bring that up? If he says he will "correct" those problems, should I stay?

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I'd talk to him first. I'd just be honest with him. Tell him you don't feel comfortable with him and that you don't feel like he is "there" for you and what's in your best interest. Ask him if he is. But IMO I think that even he told you he'd "correct" his problems, you'll still be uncomfortable with him and fear that he's not doing a good job. D is a big deal, you and I know that. And if youre going to fork out the money for a big deal then you need a lawyer who's going to treat it as a big deal.

If you do decide to drop your current lawyer and hire a new one. Go back and talk to the new one you met and just be honest with him. "I felt unfortable around my lawyer, he acts as though D is no big deal, he's made comments about being lenient on the custody issues and he's not even the lawyer I wanted to begin with, I was just handed over to someone else in the firm without my knowledge"

Tell him, you want someone to fight for what's best for you (and child) and your best interests.

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I'd also make sure that HE is going to be the one handling your case. Not someone else.

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Thanks ISWE. Yes, I think the right thing to do is to talk to my current L first. But after I tell him what I am not comfortable with, what am I supposed to say? "so, I am changing the L?" Or "do you think you can address these issues?" Or "can I speak to your boss to see if he can assign me a different L?"

Also, I am doing my financial disclosure statement right now. If I am going to change L, I want to give it to the new one instead of giving to current one and end up forwarding it to the new one, which would cost more. So say I tell my L what I am not happy with, and then suppose L says he would change that, but I do not think I can really offer him a chance to "improve" his behaviors, b/s I haven't even filed the disclosure statement and there is nothing else going on other than that.

What do you think?

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This is just my opinion, but I really don't think that it is ever a good idea to change attorneys. I am an attorney, and I can tell you that when you change attorneys, the new attorney will have to spend quite a bit of time (read money) to get up to speed on your case.

Unless he is really screwing things up or the relationship with him has deteriorated, I would say that you should probably just stay with him.


May the Lord Bless You and Keep You, John Rahrrrrrr!!
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What do you really want? Do you like the new one you met enough to hire him? If so, just say "I think I'm going to have to find another lawyer".

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Thanks Aslan and ISWE.

Several of my friends feel that since I spend so much money, I should feel "comfortable" with my A. And D is a big deal, so I should take it seriously, even if it ends up costing me a little more. I know, I am aware that if I change A, it will cost me more, since they have to transfer files, etc. I guess that is why I am debating whether it is going to be worth changing attorneys...

My friend feels that my current A's attitude is what it is, that is how he feels about D, so I cannot change that. And he does not think there is a point of me talking to A. He rather feels that I should either (1) talk to his boss to see if he has someone else in his firm who can work on my case so that I do not have to change the law firm, or (2) just change to the new one I felt comfortable with.

What do you think? How do you know if he/she is a good A?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghhhh!!!

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I, for one, would want my client to talk to me before going elsewhere. Sometimes, in this business, when you've done hundreds of divorces, it is no big deal. That's not to say it's not a big deal what's happening to you, it means that it's not a big deal for the attorney to handle the divorce itself.

As you've probably learned in this forum, communications between people can often times be misunderstood. Before hiring a new attorney, let your current one know your thoughts and feelings. He may not have meant what you thought he meant when he said what he said. Attorneys are humans too and even though we spend lots and lots of time learning the art of effective communication doesn't mean we master it 100% of the time.

Aslan is right, it will take a new attorney considerable time to get up to speed and on board with your case. Seems to me if you have that kind of time and money to spend getting a new attorney up to speed, you have enough time to sit down and voice your concerns to your current attorney and his boss. If the attitude and posture don't change after the talk, then leave.

That's my 2 cents.


diamondsj

Me 41
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M 11
DD 9
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Thanks diamonds. But in my case, since I haven't even submitted the fin disclosure statement, don't you think it is relatively early on in the process? In another words, if I need to change, I feel it's better now than later - so that it's easier for the new L to get up to speed?

I guess I do not know how much I should "care" if my current attorney's belief and attitude towards D are different from mine and sometimes make me feel uncomfortable. Is this a good enough reason to change lawyers?

Again, some have told me that this is one of the biggest events in my life so I should go for someone I really feel comfortable with.... Three people (including you, and they are all attorneys) feel if it's not such a big difference, you may not want to switch...., due to costs and as you mentioned, time it will take the new L to get familiar with the case.

What should I do???

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Well, I just want to tell you one thing: I have never met anyone who was completely satisfied with his/her divorce attorney. I think it is because the process itself is so incredibly hard and stressful. And remember, that there will never be anyone with whom you will agree about everything. JMHO, but I would stay with that atty. I have never seen anyone who switched attorneys after the divorce process has started who was happy with the result.


May the Lord Bless You and Keep You, John Rahrrrrrr!!
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It sounds like a major concern for you with your current atty. is that he's more invested in telling you why you should or shouldn't do something based on HIS divorce, not necessarily how to best represent what you want. If you decide to talk to him I think this would be a big concern to raise.

Secondly, yes, I did change attys. When I initially filed I wasn't sure if my H. was going to "fight dirty" and go for the jugular. He had financial resources far beyond my own. So, I went to someone who was known to be a real fighter in divorces. My H. initially threatened to have me followed, trace all my phone calls, watch my every move, prove I was "unfit" because I was being treated for depression, and go for full physical and legal custody of our children. He made it clear that he had found the law firm that wouldn't hesitate to destroy me if that's what he wanted. It wasn't so much that he thought I was a bad mother or person, but because he didn't want the divorce and knew my children were the best way to control me.

When he threatened this, I finally spoke up and said, "OK, fine. Do what you have to do. But, you're going be the one to tell our children about why mommy isn't around in their lives more. You're the one that's going to be accountable to them for your choices when they get older and can understand more."

I had originally wanted to utilize mediation to minimize the damages that the divorce process itself can cause. In fact, I had located a couple of licensed divorce mediators in case my H. would agree to use one. My H. really loved our children and settled down to focus on their best interest. We chose mediation. We were advised to retain our attys so our mediation "contract" could be reviewed by our own representative prior to finalizing the divorce.

I contacted my attorney to let him know the decision made, and about the desire to have him available to review our contract after mediation. I had already paid him some $$ upfront, and had some on account. He told me that he didn't believe in mediation. That it wasn't realistic to think it could work. That I would be sorry somewhere down the road that I hadn't asked for more, and had settled for so little. I told him that I appreciated his advice, but I was willing to take the chance on mediation. He basically told me that he didn't think he should represent me then because he didn't believe in it. I changed attys, and my first atty. kept the balance of my money because our contract allowed him to do that.

Our mediation was not cheaper than a regular divorce, as some claim. (Of course if there had been an all out fight, it could have gotten very costly!) But, we were able to focus on creating a "vision" for the future of our children and ourselves as co-parents, dividing property in a mutually agreed upon way, etc. All the details and steps were clearly laid out, as was the way in which we would address any future problems upholding the contract.

I hired another attorney at the end who was very pro-family and had no problem in accepting my case to review it and complete the final legal paperwork. Her fees were more than fair. She was a kind, caring person who was held in high regard in her profession.

I have NEVER regretted the road we took! I have NEVER regretted that I didn't go the traditional route and fight for more. I have NEVER regretted the change in attys. Numerous people have commented on how exceptional our divorce situation has been in terms of how we co-parented our children, and treated each other with respect. I did end up using a large chunk of my settlement funds to pay legal fees, but IT WAS WORTH EVERY DOLLAR. What we saved in sanity and preserved in love was priceless.

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I switched attorneys, and it was necessary.
My first atty took on too many cases and mine was too small to "waste" her time on. I found an attorney who listened, who used email (a great time/expense saver), and who delegated work to the paralegals when possible (billing at 1/3 the rate). The paralegals could answer most of my questions, and I was active in the process through email.
(Imagine how efficient it is to review documents and email them back vs. snail mail or fax.)
I have heard other attys badmouth my first atty and now I know why.
Trust your instincts.
You can still work on the paperwork while you look for a new attorney, just give it to the new one.


It was a marriage that never really started.
H: Conflict Avoider, NPD No communication skills (Confirmed by MC) Me: Enabler
Sep'd 12/01, D'd 08/03.
My joys and the light of my life: DD 11, DD 9
*Approach life and situations from the point of love - not from fear.*
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I changed attorney's twice. The first time was for the wrong reason, but the 2nd time was a definite improvement.

With my 1st A, I gave in to my WH's manipulation - he accused my attorney of underhanded tactics. I was such a victim back then (about 5 years ago) that I fired her. I still hoped for reconciliation, but I'd filed in order to get a restraining order and to separate our finances. For a while, we used "his" A as "our" A - a waste of time - until I hired my 2nd lawyer.

I fired my 2nd attorney because he was dragging his feet to an extreme. He would never answer the phone when I called and would never call me back. His young assistant would feel sorry for me and whisper into the phone, "I'll take the phone and put it up to his ear." Then my attorney would tell me how busy he was right then working on my case. My H took me to court and my A didn't prepare anything so the motion, which was grossly unreasonable and unfair, went exactly as my WH requested. The judge refused to even listen to my A, chastising him for not submitted the info he was trying to include ahead of time (can't remember the legal terms!).

I'm happy with my 3rd A. He kind of has the D is no big deal attitude, but at this point, I don't need emotional support from my A. The downside of changing is it took him a l-o-o-o-ng time to get up to speed on the case. But, he always answers my phone calls or returns them immediately, and he has more expertise in business, which helps with the issues of our jointly owned business. So I'm happy with the change. Right now, I'm facing a two-day trial for the divorce since my H and his lawyer haven't responded to the offer we sent them about 6 months ago!


FBS, D'day 12/00 * NC since 5/02 * divorce final 5/06 * property settlement 9/06 What you can do or think you can do, begin it. For boldness has Magic, Power, and Genius in it. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
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I changed attorneys over a billing dispute, and my second attorney was better in all respects.

However, I don't think you should change, based on the reasons given so far. Primarily it seems you don't like his attitude. But the attorney is not part of your emotional support system. Part of the attorney's job is to tell you things you don't really want to hear. Get your emotional support elsewhere.

A new attorney who is nice and encouraging may actually lead to more conflict and more legal expense. Without you actually getting what you want. Let me give a small example - my ex's attorney filed a claim for permanent alimony. Nobody gets that. All it did was produce more conflict.


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