I am debating if I should change my attorneys, but it's a big decision. The reason I am considering this is b/c some of the comments my current atty made (e.g., your husband just left you, but not your child, why would STBXH want to do that, he is a father, you should let him see your son more often, because I am a divorced father myself and I never felt that the standard visitation was enough, etc.) made me feel uncomfortable. He is divorced himself, and sometimes I felt that he is very biased.

The new lawyer I met was nice, but all the attys act "nice" when you first meet, right? And there will definitely more costs involved by changing attys... is it worth it? I am not sure.

I am not saying that my current lawyer is not capable of doing his job, it's just that I feel sometimes that he is "mad" at divorcing women b/c of his own experience. I could be wrong, but he often expresses his own feelings about D. Also he has some "attitude" problem - that is another thing. But do you think these are not good enough reasons to change my attnys?

Has anyone changed his/her lawyers in the middle of the D process? What is the deciding factor, and are you happy with your decision?

Remember who the boss is - you are.

Ask your attorney all the queestions you want to regarding your options. Ignore his opinions that are not associated with the legal decisions. The "whys" are your decisions, not his questions. He can help you with the "hows."

JMHO

Changing attorneys can certainly fix this problem, assuming you can accurately screen for a better one.

Remember, just like marriage counselors, half the attorneys out there are below average.

WAT

Thanks WAT. I know my attny is not a therapist, but his attitude of "D is not a big deal" hurts me.

I guess my worry is that even though I liked the new one I met, it's possible that I run into the similar situation, because I really liked the attny (the owner of the firm) I met, and that is why I decided to hire him, only to discover later that he delegated my case to his associate (= my current attny). I clearly asked the new one about that, and it sounds like his associates will only work on papers and numbers, but it will remain "his" case.

Any other opinions on this? I am very nervous... Also, should I talk to my current attny to let him know that I have some issues with him? How do I bring that up? If he says he will "correct" those problems, should I stay?

Milk,

The way I see it you have a perfect opportunity to draw bounderies and stand for what you believe with your present attorney. You don't really know if the new one is better. I would suggest the next time he makes a comment like "you should let WH have more visitations", let him know that you have made all the considerations and your mind is made up and not to discuss changes in visitations with you, as you will not change your mind. If he still persists to make attempts to convince you otherwise, after you clearly state what YOU want, then change lawyers, since HE is clearly NOT listening to you and he is bringing his own personal issues into this. This is not about HIM! Sheesh.

All the best,
Daisy

Thanks Daisy.

I think the right thing to do is to talk to my current L first, regardless of the end result is. But after I tell him what I am not comfortable with, what am I supposed to say? "so, I am changing the L?" Or "do you think you can address these issues?" Or "can I speak to your boss to see if he can assign me a different L?"

Also, I am doing my financial disclosure statement right now. If I am going to change L, I want to give it to the new one instead of giving to current one and end up forwarding it to the new one, which would cost more. So say I tell my L what I am not happy with, and then suppose L says he would change that, but I do not think I can really offer him a chance to "improve" his behaviors, b/s I haven't even filed the disclosure statement and there is nothing else going on other than that.

((( Milkshake )))

I love your name, by the way.

Let me briefly tell you what happened in my first M. I filed with a pretty good atty D. I liked him ok, but he did not seem like a "fighter". My atty filed in the court with the judge that he wanted.. He thought everything looked real real good for us.

XH got the papers and went crazy and found himself the very very best D atty in the county.. Hands down... XH sweet talked me and said and did all the things I wanted to hear. Talked me into stopping the D. Not delaying, stopping. My atty kept telling me no but I so wanted to believe my XH that I stopped it... Then... my XH super duper atty filed D on me in HIS court with HIS judge...

Since I didn't feel my atty was a good match for this super duper guy I went through 3, yes 3 attys trying to find one who could stand up against this guy. And really everything should have been in my favor.. but no...

This atty tried every dirty trick in the book. I ended up settling out of court, as what they wanted all along..

So, I do know that is it important that the atty representing you has a judge that they "like". At least that is how it works here in Texas..

Hope this helps... my very best to you,

carnation

Thanks carnation -

Wow, what a story. How is your relationship with your XH now, after what he did to you?

I do not think here in IL you can "choose" a judge. It's all hit or miss...

My friend feels that my current A's attitude is what it is, that is how he feels about D, so I cannot change that. And he does not think there is a point of me talking to A. He rather feels that I should either (1) talk to his boss to see if he has someone else in his firm who can work on my case so that I do not have to change the law firm, or (2) just change to the new one I felt comfortable with.

What do you think? How do you know if he/she is a good A?

I changed attorneys in the middle and it was the best decision I ever made - no regrets at all. Yes, it did cost me more money, but there is so much at stake.

My first attorney represented me at my first court hearing for legal separation and she got her tail kicked by my husband's attorney. I walked out of the hearing with nothing at all. I could not believe what happened. After that I started interviewing other attorneys and then switched.

One important thing you need to feel comfortable that your issues and feelings will be represented. You do not want your attorney settling because that is his feelings. Especially if you have a custody issue on your hands. I did and that was my deciding factor I think the 1st attorney would have given in while my current one would have fought for me.

You also may want an attorney that is really familiar with the judges in your area. Mine knows the judge because he only practices in that one county and is very familiar with the judges bias and all - I think that is important because my judge just went through a divorce and I heard it was ugly and he has shifted a little to the father side. That is one reason why I went with a male attorney.

Overall I do not regret my decision at all.

Hope it helps and good luck - my divorce has been so hard for me and my children I am still hurting fron it all.

I also changed attorneys and am much happier with my new one. Since that time I have found out that the old one had been "negotiating" without my input and had agreed to points that were NEVER discussed with me. These "agreed upon conditions" led my STBXW's attorney to threaten sanctions since I had not done what my first attorney had agreed to.

New rules. No negotiations or communications without me being present or that communication being followed up with a written memorandum cc'd to me. ALL negotiations to be taped to avoid interpretational errors.

I was referred to my first attorney by several locals who told me he was the "shark" of the area. He continually showed me arrogance and was very dismissive with me. He would erupt if I questioned anything not to his liking. In short he was an *sshole. I kept him for a time because he was my *sshole and I figured that anyone that could aggravate his client to such a degree would drive my STBXW and her attorney batty.

With all due respect to the attorneys on this board, many family law attorneys in my rural area operate under the radar screen, especially if they avoid court and 99% of their business is settlement.

I would encourage you to get a second opinion on ANY issue that strikes you as being off kilter. It will be the best money that you possibly spend.

Good luck

I talked with all the good atty in my county and interviewed which ones I liked, who I thought could do it... I seriously think the judge means alot, at least it does here.

After being married for over 25 yrs, and my xh and I owning alot of businesses.... I got... and after much physical abuse... in fact, I even was suing him in civil court for assault.. I got.... I can not even say.... it is pathetic... I was just so used to being the victim that I guess that is what I thought I deserved... it was pennys on the dollar...

On the way home from court xh called me and said... I won again.... whatever... oh - he is extremely narcisstic and I was so beaten down, played right into his hand..

A couple of years ago he lost his franchises....when I heard that I did not feel happy about it nor did I feel sad for him... I felt and feel nothing... nothing at all for him... I really really try not to harbor bad feelings for anyone - because I am the one feeling negative, not the other person, so I am only hurting myself... easier said than done.. but it is an art that I have almost perfected.. out of self preservation.

My x is my prime example of what goes around, comes around.. but I have seen it happen over and over.... God has MUCH more control than I do !!! He straightens it all out sooner or later...

If you do not feel comfortable with your atty... go talk with some others... too bad you aren't in my part of Texas... I know of all the attys now !!!

My very best to you, carnation

Thank you so much for your advice, deannek, cymanca, and carnation. We just came back from our ski trip last night and there is a new development..... please see my new thread!

Thank you again,
Milk